Caroline's Holiday in NYC
by Dis-Moi
Summary: This started out as a story taking place just after Gillian's wedding. It initially was about Caroline and Flora's visit with Ginika in NYC which afforded her more insight into her beloved Kate. To Caroline's surprise, she bumped into an old friend and is gingerly moving into a promising new relationship as she continues to cope with her new reality and loss.
1. New York, New York

Caroline's plane touched down at JFK on schedule. It was not her first time to the States but it was her first time with a baby in tow. Flora was an angel on the flight so it was easier than she imagined. She was relieved to see Ginika waiting for them as they exited customs. It had been a long flight, and an even longer few months of juggling work, kids and sorrow. She had to admit she was glad for the change of scenery and happy she didn't have to make her way into Manhattan on her own.

Ginika talked non-stop during the cab ride to her apartment near Columbia University. She was pleased Caroline's trip was timed to fit in her break between semesters. Her research was caught up so she could devote the next two weeks to cuddling Flora and spoiling the two tired travelers now squarely in her care without feeling guilty about ignoring the work piling up on her desk.

After a brief tour of the well-appointed apartment, Caroline quickly stated that her only ambitions for the day were a shower, a nap and a spot of tea. Expecting that agenda, Ginika told her she would take care of Flora and left her to unpack and settle in. She could hear Ginika quietly singing to Flora in the other room as she drifted off to sleep.

When Caroline finally emerged from her bedroom a few hours later, she found a note from Ginika saying that she took Flora for a walk to buy diapers and a few other necessaries. This gave Caroline a chance to look around the apartment to get a better measure of Ginika, who she loved from the moment they met; she had the same soulful eyes as Kate and the same soft-spoken manner. She worried that being with her during this trip would make her miss Kate even more so she was determined to do as much sightseeing as possible to keep busy.

First she looked at the bookshelves. She noted that the bottom shelf had what appeared to be photo albums and she made a mental note to ask Ginika to show them to her sometime in the coming days. Then she looked at the state of Ginika's desk. Not a single item on it was out of place, just like Kate's had always been. But what really caught her eye was the framed photo on it of Kate in her university cap and gown. She looked so young, so vibrant and so full of excitement. It made Caroline smile to think that Kate had been surrounded by her family that day, unlike how her mother failed to attend her doctorate ceremony. Everywhere she looked in the apartment she could see signs of how loved Kate was and still is.

Eventually Caroline made a cup of tea and settled down in a comfy chair. She picked up the newspaper and had a flick though the local section to see what entertainment and culture was on offer for the coming week. Although she had read a couple of travel books and knew a few tourist sites she wanted to see, she had no idea how to prioritize them.

Before too long, Ginika and Flora returned and Ginika started to prepare their dinner while Caroline and Flora kept her company in the kitchen. After a quiet meal, they bathed Flora, fed her a bottle and settled her into the crib Ginika erected in her bedroom so Caroline could have uninterrupted rest during her visit and so Ginika would not miss a single minute with her precious grandchild.

Once Flora was down for the night, they agreed that the whirlwind tour of NYC would begin at Ground Zero in the morning. Shortly after the timetable for the next day was set, Caroline turned in for the night as the jet lag was wreaking havoc with her energy levels.


	2. Ground Zero

Caroline woke feeling refreshed and ready to explore the City. Flora also seemed to have adjusted well to the time change and easily settled into her stroller as the three ladies set off for the 9/11 Memorial. The fact that their time with Ginika was starting at "Ground Zero" was not lost on Caroline as she viewed this trip as the real beginning of what she hoped to be a close relationship with her. She so wanted Flora to have a deep bond with her maternal grandmother, the kind she would have had if Kate survived the accident.

"Do you remember where you were when the planes hit the towers," asked Ginika as they got close to their destination. "Everyone living in and around New York that day has that detail etched permanently in their memories."

"Yes, vividly. I was alone in my office as classes were done for the day and the administrative staff had left. I had the radio on and I was reviewing or working on some report. I remember thinking I had to get home to turn on Sky News to see the footage. Within minutes of looking at the clips of bodies falling from the buildings, the planes flying into the buildings and the debris cascading from the heavens as the Towers started to crumble, I had to turn the news off. It was too hard to watch and I was worried about the impact the graphic footage would have on my sons. Even though they were so young back then they were glued to the television coverage. All I could think about was how scary and different the world would be from then on," she replied.

"I was in my office getting ready to head to my classroom when the first plane hit. Classes were obviously cancelled and we were all instructed to make our way home for the day as quickly and as safely as we could. The dirt and quietness that overtook the City as the streets emptied of people was eerie. The only sounds that punctuated the air were sirens that at times seemed endless. The noises of the emergency services were a reminder of the brave souls who were called on to do the work of the angels. One cannot imagine what they saw and experienced then and in the days that followed. It was all so gray and oppressive. I hope to never see or hear anything like it again. For the longest time I could not go near Ground Zero. I have yet to tour the Memorial but if I'm honest, I am actually thankful that you want to see it as I might not have gone otherwise and I know I should."

The two ladies walked up to Ground Zero lost in their own thoughts. Flora was blissfully asleep in her stroller, oblivious to the magnitude of the four-sided water memorial engraved with the names of the victims. They were able to touch some of the names. Caroline noted that some had flowers and others had flags stuck in them. She found herself saying a silent prayer for those who died and for those who were left behind to mourn the unimaginable loss. She knew all too well the pain of sudden and unexpected loss. She tried not to look at the faces of the others at the memorial for fear she would see people grieving over the names of their loved ones.

After a time, they made their way inside to the Museum. The tour was even more emotional than just seeing the number of victims' names on the outside memorial. There were stories of those average everyday people who were at Ground Zero. There were stories of the brave first responders and accounts of what they did that day. There were endless pictures of those who perished or who were believed to have perished. And there were artifacts pulled from the rubble.

Caroline and Ginika seemed to be on the same pace taking it all in. They were usually only a few feet apart and would point out things to each other they thought were so profound they should not be missed. They took turns carrying Flora and pushing her in the stroller. When they got to the museum store, Caroline took Flora to the comfort station to change her and give her a bottle. To her surprise, Flora was a good tourist and seemed to be looking around at everything in her path.

As they exited the Memorial, they decided to lunch at a spot nearby Ginika knew and liked. They were both ready to catch their breath and gather their thoughts. It had been a heady experience and Caroline was especially ready to see some sunlight.

After they placed their order, Ginika asked, "Did Kate ever tell you about her friend who died on 9/11?"

"No!" exclaimed a shocked and crestfallen Caroline. "How could I not know that?"

"She didn't like to talk about it so I am not surprised she didn't tell you," Ginika softly replied.

"Her very first friend, Joy, after graduating college moved to the States with the boy she eventually married. He lucked into a job working for the Royal Bank of Scotland somewhere down near Wall Street and Joy jumped at the chance to move with him. She always dreamt of living in the Big Apple," Ginika began.

"Kate and Joy were inseparable until then. They did everything together, from playing with jump ropes to writing on the sidewalk with colored chalk. They went to summer camp together every year. They even attended the same college. Kate was in her wedding and loved Scott like a brother. She and Scott kept in touch after Joy died. I think she last spoke with Joy about a week before 9/11. She was one of the unlucky 67 Brits who died in the attacks of that sad day," she said.

As their lunch was served, Ginika continued her story. "Joy was working at Cantor Fitzgerald, a very prestigious company that was located in one of the two towers. Her office was on one of the uppermost floors. She used to say the view from her window was worth more than the salary they paid her. Apparently they were told they were safe after the plane hit and told they should stay in place; Joy was always one to do as she was told so she stayed. Cantor Fitzgerald lost 65 employees that day."

Ginika paused to take a bite of her salad and after a long sip on her iced tea she continued, "While she waited for further instructions, she managed somehow to leave a message for Scott on their home answering machine telling him she was safe, she loved him and would be glad to be in his arms when she was allowed to leave the building. Apparently she could not reach him on his cell phone. Scott said he could hear the fear in her voice although she was trying to be brave. They were just starting to try to get pregnant and I have always thought that part of Kate's unyielding drive to have a baby was in part because of Joy being denied that experience. She died way too young with so much living yet to do."

Caroline slumped back in her seat, stunned by what she had heard. "Clearly there is still so much about Kate I never knew. I remember one day trying to talk with her about that controversial 28-foot memorial that for a brief time was on display in Battersea Park in London. We saw some news coverage on it but come to think of it, she quickly changed the subject almost as soon as I started talking about it."

"That sounds like my Kate. She was always adept at running from the feelings she didn't want to deal with. I suspect she wasn't trying to hide that pain from you but instead she just didn't want to let it overshadow her happiness with you," Ginika offered. "She had a very difficult time coming to terms with Joy's death. Although she was her first contemporary to die, I think it was because there was no body to bury," Ginika recalled.

"I use to think I saw Joy on the streets near the upper West Side where she and Scott lived. Kate said she felt the same sometimes when she was on the crowded streets in London. The two of them spent occasional weekends there during breaks between college semesters. They would go to shows on the West End and sometimes take in concerts and go to the discos. I was very glad she had such happy memories of Joy to comfort her after 9/11. She had such a zest for life that I always thought the name Joy was perfectly suited for her."

"Do you have any photos Kate and Joy together? I'd love to see them if you do," Caroline asked.

"Yes. As a matter of fact I have several and I think you will get a real kick out of seeing some of Kate's more memorable hair colors and styles over the course of her formative years. Did you know she was quite the free spirit and a bit of a rebel in her late teens," she asked.

Caroline merely smiled and nodded her head at the thought. "After Kate passed, I realized there were thousands of things about her I didn't know. I think this time together could give me answers to some of my questions," said Caroline. It was then that Flora started to get fussy. She clearly had been sitting too long in one place and needed the stimulation of moving around. They paid the bill and started the trek back to Ginika's apartment for a little afternoon siesta.

As they walked in silence, Caroline found herself saying her second prayer for the day; this one giving thanks for Kate having had such a special friend in Joy.


	3. Ellis Island

When Ginika invited Caroline to visit, she told her that she was a typical New Yorker who never took the time to tour any of the major attractions in and around the City and she was hoping Caroline would come up with a list of things for them to see. The only place Ginika said she really wanted to get to was Ellis Island, which had the added bonus of including a ferry ride to the Statute of Liberty. She told Caroline that she always wanted to go there but never had anyone to do it with her as Kate was always more interested in the stores, shows and museums, in that order.

Truth be told, Ginika was also a little worried about how much being with Caroline and Flora would make her miss Kate and she wanted to cover some new territory as a distraction. So with that as her unspoken goal, they headed out the morning of the second full day to board the ferry at Battery Park.

It was a perfect day for the boat ride. They were able to get a spot by the rail and that afforded them a great view of Lady Liberty as they traveled past it. They opted not to tour the Statute as they did not want to overdo the sight seeing with Flora.

To Caroline's surprise, she felt a lump in her throat as they docked at Ellis Island. She could envision the immigrants arriving there but she could not grasp how much courage it would have require to leave one's homeland for a new country.

The ladies were surprised to learn that in addition to the main processing building, there were three other big buildings: a hospital, a laundry and a kitchen. They enjoyed reading all the history that was set on the plagues and pictures strewn throughout the Museum. It was hard for them to comprehend that between 1892 and 1954 a total of about twelve million immigrants entered the US through Ellis Island. During some of the years just before World War I, a million of those individuals arrived each year. Not everyone was admitted; some were promptly rejected for health or political reasons. To accommodate the masses, the dining room sat 1000 people. They were also stunned to learn that during World War II Ellis Island also served as a detention center for the 7000 Japanese, Germans and Italians who were rounded up on the East Coast and held there until the end of the war.

Flora, for the second day in a row, was a great tourist. Neither Ginika nor Caroline realized that strollers were not allowed in the main building so they took turns carrying her and were thankful she did not squirm as much as they expected.

On the ride back to Battery Park, Ginika told Caroline about her decision to move to the US. She said that when her marriage failed, she decided she needed a complete change of scenery and applied to Columbia where there was an opening in the Economics Department. She thought she would only stay for a few years but when tenure was offered, she decided to stay permanently.

"How was Kate with your decision to move so far away," Caroline asked. Ginika chuckled and replied, "She was of two minds. She hated the thought of there being an ocean between us but she also loved the idea of coming to see me and getting to see more of the US than she would have otherwise."

"I can tell you that we had some very large phone bills for the first couple of months and I am not sure who missed the other more," she continued. "It was a harder adjustment to be away from her than I expected. She had just finished at University when I left. I knew she was going to spread her wings so it seemed like the right time for me to do so too."

"When I was on the fence about moving, she reminded me that wanderlust was in our blood. My father's family moved from Africa to England just before World War I. My uncle found the trip to be so remarkable that he made it his goal to visit as many continents as possible. Over the course of his sixty years, he managed to see all but the north and south poles. He worked his way around the world on ships, taking whatever jobs he could find to earn his passage. Years would pass and the family would not know where he was until one day he would just show up at their door. A few weeks later, without much warning, he would leave on another voyage," Ginika explained. "Kate always told me she envied his freedom and wanted to see as much of the world as she could."

"I felt bad we were not able to take a grand trip for our honeymoon but the timing just didn't work," said Caroline. "Not whisking her away after our wedding will always be one of my biggest regrets." She pretended to brush the windswept hair out of her face but Ginika knew she was really wiping away a tear.

She leaned in and put her arms around her and said, "No regrets Caroline. She would not want you to feel you were to blame in any way for what happened. She told me you offered to even just go away for a few nights right after the wedding. What you may not know is that she was too worried about the baby to want to be away from her doctor. I know she did not share that with you because she did not want to worry you but the scare before Christmas really left its mark on her. You and I both know they were fine but as she entered her final two months she was so fearful about doing everything she could to have a healthy baby."

"At one point I reminded her that having a child would mean she would not be as able to travel as she once was but she told me that the only place she wanted to be was with you and the baby. I never doubted that she loved you that deeply so no regrets Caroline," she said. "Regrets don't change a thing. Besides, you gave her the happiest months of her life after you reunited at Christmas. She told me that being back with you was like taking a trip to the moon and back."


	4. Comfort Food

Ginika realized as soon as she saw Caroline at the airport that she had lost a fair amount of weight and instantly connected it to her grieving Kate. Since she had come to think of Caroline as a second daughter the past few months, she decided then and there she was going to "mother" her as much as she could to put some weight back on her before she returned to England.

She decided to not mention the weight loss and her concern to Caroline, opting instead to spoil her at some of her favorite restaurants. After a couple of meals out, however, she noticed Caroline seemed to just order salads which she then spent more time pushing around on the plate than eating. Ginika decided to step up her plan to love Caroline with comfort food by making more meals at home in the hopes she might eat a little more that way.

Ginika told Caroline the first day that she wanted her to sleep as late as she could every morning and let her have some alone time with Flora. She figured this visit would afford Caroline a chance to catch up on some much needed rest. Although Caroline felt a little guilty doing so, she found she was really sleeping well and took advantage of Ginika's offer. Since she and Flora were up at least an hour before Caroline each day, she decided to take Flora out in the stroller for an early walk to grab some freshly baked bread from Balthazar, one of her favorite bakeries. She recalled Kate telling her that Caroline was a bread lover and she hoped she would not resist it.

Ginika loved all their breads and had a tough time deciding what to get so she bought two loaves. The first was a cranberry raisin pecan bread that she enjoyed toasted with cream cheese. The second was a loaf of its Valrhona chocolate bread that was Kate's favorite.

Caroline was just exiting her bedroom as Ginika was returning with Flora. Caroline went to help them in the door and relieved her of the bag of bread that was still a little warm. As the aroma rose to her, she exclaimed, "Oh my word. Whatever is in here smells delightful. What is it?"

A smiling Ginika replied, "I thought we deserved a little treat for breakfast so I picked up some bread fresh from the oven. One is a cranberry pecan bread and the other is a chocolate bread. If you get Flora out of the stroller, I'll take the loaves into the kitchen and slice them to toast or you can eat them untoasted. They are good either way."

"Sounds great. I hope they taste as good as they smell," she said as she removed Flora from the stroller. Upon entering the kitchen she remarked how the bread looked as good as it smelled. She placed Flora in the baby seat with a few toys in front of her and then asked Ginika what she could do to help.

"Just tell me if you prefer tea or coffee and if you would like some eggs too," she said. Before Caroline could answer, she continued, "Which loaf would you like to try or would you like some of each? That's what I am going to have," she said.

"Oh, when in Rome, or should I say New York. I'll have one of each too but no eggs," she responded. "I don't care if it's coffee or tea, you decide."

Ginika chuckled to herself as she said, "Well, I always prefer a strong French roast coffee when I'm having this chocolate bread. It's a perfect pairing. Would you like some cherry preserves, butter or cream cheese?"

"If it is as rich as it looks I think I will have it plain, thanks," Caroline said as her mouth started watering a little. After a couple of bites, Caroline commented, "I don't know which I like more as they are both so good. I can't remember now why I stopped eating breakfast but maybe if I could get bread this good at home I would eat breakfast more often."

"Caroline, you absolutely have to have some breakfast everyday. I can't imagine how you power through all you have to do at that school without putting some fuel in your tank before you leave the house." Ginika gently advised. "One lesson I know Kate got from me was the importance of a good breakfast."

"She would say that breakfast was her favorite FIRST meal of the day," recalled Caroline with a grin. "Of course she would also say that it was not to be confused with dinner which was her favorite FINAL meal of the day. "

"Kate introduced me to this chocolate bread from Balthazar. When she heard it was made with Valrhona chocolate she just had to try it. Valrhona was her favorite chocolate to cook with. She discovered it during one of her trips to Paris. Did she ever make her Valrhona molten chocolate cake for you? She would make it in little ramekins and bake it so that the outside of the cake was cooked but the inside was still just a little runny. When you cut into it with your fork and put it in your mouth it was just irresistable."

"Oh, I remember it well. She made it for me on Valentine's Day. She picked up some of my favorite vanilla gelato that she served with it. She also made a very rich chocolate ganache that she drizzled over it and then dotted the plate with the ripest red raspberries. It was so decadent and…" Caroline suddenly left the last thought unfinished.

It was then that Ginika looked at her and realized she was blushing. Feeling very comfortable with Caroline after the last couple of days, she decided to ask her why.

"It's just a good memory," she explained. "But I'm not sure it's the kind of thing I should tell Kate's mother."

"Oh child, you can't shock me. Come on, spill if it's a good memory," she pushed.

"Well, we enjoyed that dessert warm from the oven shortly after I did my fumbling version of a proposal," she explained. "I was so nervous I could barely get the words out." Realizing that Ginika knew there had to be more to the story, she continued, "It was so decadent that I gave the dish a new name. I called it 'sex on a plate' as it was almost orgasmic. It was so good I wanted to lick the plate after I took the last bite."

Ginika laughed out loud. "Oh, I think that is a very apt description. I know she only made that dessert on special occasions so it sounds like it was a perfect end to your special night."

"Your daughter was far more romantic than I knew how to be. She made all our nights special in her own way but that night she really outdid herself," Caroline said as she wrapped her arms in front of her to hug herself and leaned onto the table. "I never thought I deserved how she spoiled me. I so wish I had been more like her because she deserved it."

"Caroline, when I was married to Kate's father we had a rule that only one of us was allowed to have a bad day at a time and we took turns. When one of us needed comforting, the other would rise to the occasion and support and nurture the other. It wasn't about the grand gestures, it was about the little day to day things we did to support each other," she explained.

"Whether you realize it or not, that is how you and Kate were. There is no better demonstration of love than being there day in and day out and putting your own needs on pause while you support your partner when she needed it more. Kate told me how you would do late night runs to pick up whatever food she was craving that wasn't in the house. She also told me how you gave her foot massages and ran baths for her when she was exhausted could not get comfortable because of the baby. You always made sure her favorite maternity clothes were washed as soon as they hit the laundry basket and you would pick up her favorite takeaway on the nights she was too tired to eat but you wanted to make sure she did. Those little things were just as important as her making a special and romantic dessert for you. It's easy to just focus on the grand gestures but life is really about those small expressions of love."

Caroline wiped away a tear and leaned in to hug Ginika, unable to say anything in response. After a few minutes, Ginika said, "I don't know about you but I think I will have another slice and some more coffee. This bread will be good tomorrow but it's always best the first day."

"I shouldn't but I can't resist. How about if we toast a slice of each and then cut them in half to share so we can have more of each," Caroline suggested.

As Ginika turned her back to Caroline to put the bread in the toaster, she smiled to herself. She not only managed to get Caroline to eat more for breakfast than she had seen the past few days, she was pleased Caroline was comfortable enough to share memories of her special private moments with Kate. Although her goal was to comfort Caroline during this trip, she found Caroline was comforting her as well.

It was then that she remembered the caramelized apple galette from Balthazar was still in the bottom of the stroller; she hoped Caroline would not refuse dessert after dinner.


	5. Shopping

By the time the weekend rolled around, Ginika, Caroline and Flora had fallen into a comfortable pattern. Ginika could not believe what an easy baby Flora was now that she was over her colic. She loved watching Caroline interact with Flora and could tell how loved she was by how content she seemed at all times. She was a bright-eyed girl who took in everything around her without missing anything. Ginika could already tell she was very bright, just like her mothers.

"Caroline, I think you should take the day to yourself tomorrow to do a bit of shopping. We have some first rate stores here and window shopping can be quite fun. I imagine you might want to pick up some trinkets for everyone back home and you don't need Flora and me along slowing you down," suggested Ginika.

"That would be lovely, but only if you are sure," Caroline replied. "Actually, I need some clothes that fit a little better and I haven't had any time to myself to do any proper shopping. I tried mail ordering a few things but I had to send most of it back."

"I can steer you to some of my favorite shops. You can be out as long as you like; Love Bug and I will just have a quiet day here and maybe go to the park for a bit," the happy grandmother said as she played on the floor with Flora on her activity mat.

After Ginika's version of a full English breakfast, Caroline set out the next morning to take on the stores in Manhattan. At Ginika's suggestion, she started at Barney's where she found a couple of dresses and a fitted navy blue suit for herself. She had heard a lot about that iconic store and found it lived up to the hype. She even saw Carly Simon trying on some blush at one of the make-up counters near the shoe department.

Next she checked out Macy's before finally heading to Bloomingdales, where she found some jeans and casual shirts for herself. They were all on sale so she did not feel too guilty about buying so much. On the way to Bloomingdales she stopped in some of the smaller stores dotting the streets and picked up some gifts for some of the family, including a soft purple sweater for her mother, a cotton vest for Alan, a Statute of Liberty snow globe for Gillian and an I Love NY t-shirt for Calamity. She had already gotten Columbia University sweatshirts for Lawrence and William. She was stumped about what to get for Greg until she found a Batman umbrella. Realizing she would not have enough luggage space to buy more, particularly since Ginika had bought a lot of clothes for Flora, she decided to call it a day and head back to Ginika's.

As she was walking out of Bloomingdales to hail a taxicab, she found herself in front of Serendipity. She remembered Kate raving about it one night as they watched the John Cusack movie called _Serendipity._ She quickly decided to go in and treat herself to something sweet as her breakfast had worn off hours before. She waited in line for just a few minutes and lucked into a seat much quicker than she anticipated. After struggling to fit all her packages under the table she turned her attention to the menu.

Then she looked around at the various families, friends and couples who were occupying the nearby tables She suddenly felt a pang of sadness that Kate wasn't with her. Before she could get too melancholy, the waitress appeared before her. Caroline ordered a frozen hot chocolate, remembering Kate said it was her favorite. One taste and she understood why; it was rich, creamy and satisfying, just like Kate. She smiled wistfully at the memory of curling up with Kate in front of the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate and making plans for Flora's birth, which the drink in her hand helped her recall.

Although Caroline was enjoying spending time with Ginika, she was glad to have a little time to herself. That was a commodity that was hard to come by in her everyday life these days. She loved Flora and would not trade her for anything but she had to admit that being able to leisurely shop for herself was an indulgence she missed.

While she was shopping, she found herself looking at outfits pondering what Kate would have said about them. Mostly, she wondered what indulgence Kate would have picked out for herself. She loved shopping with Kate as she had a good eye for fashion and an ability to always find a bargain. She vowed then and there to properly install the shopping gene into Flora as she got a little older. Her boys hated shopping so she was determined that her daughter would love it and become her partner in crime.

Upon arriving back at Ginika's, she played show and tell with her purchases. Ginika readily approved of them all and told her about her day with Flora. She realized Ginika was just glowing with happiness and wondered if perhaps Ginika had an ulterior motive of having Flora to herself for a day. Whatever the reason, Caroline realized she was starting to feel more like her old self on this trip. She was rested and less on edge. She knew she had Ginika's care and support to thank for the inner peace she was beginning to feel again.


	6. Central Park

Caroline woke Sunday morning to the sun streaming in the window where the blind did not quite reach the window frame. As she stumbled sleepily into the kitchen, she found Ginika just opening the Times and the coffee percolating.

"Good morning, Caroline. Flora and I have been out to get fresh bagels and lox for breakfast. I hope you are hungry," she said with a smile.

"Ginika, you have to stop spoiling me. I feel so guilty about how you keep bringing in all these irresistible treats for breakfast," she said with a sigh. "I have to do something to return all these kindnesses. At the very least you will have to let me spoil you when you come to visit."

"You are to do no such thing," Ginika replied. "I can't tell you how much I am enjoying your company and all this quality time with Flora. I originally thought I would come to England once a year and try to persuade you to come here once a year but I can tell you that will not be nearly enough time for me with both of you."

"Well you are welcome to stay with us any time you wish. I would love nothing more than for Flora to have as strong a bond with you as possible. That's not just because you are her grandmother but also because you and I are the only ones who can really connect her to Kate."

"I love hearing that Caroline! We should get some dates in the calendar for the next school break. I don't want to go too long without seeing Flora as she is going to grow and change so fast. It's remarkable how much she seems to have changed this week alone," said the adoring grandmother.

"I just need you to promise me one thing," she continued.

"Name it. Your wish is our command, right Flora" said Caroline as she caressed her daughter's tiny fingers.

"Okay. Here's the thing. I remember what it was like to be single at your age and I was lucky to have a friend who was very special to me in all ways, if you know what I mean," Ginika began. "I just need you to promise me that when you are at the point that you are ready for another relationship, you will not hesitate to jump in with both feet out of fear about how I will react."

"Oh...Ginika... there's…that's…I can't..."Caroline stuttered. But before she could say anything more, Ginika cut her off. "No. Listen to me. You are too young to close yourself off to the possibility of love. If you find someone who is a good person, who treats you and Flora well and helps round out your life, that's what I want for you. No guilt, remember?"

"Ginika, I hear what you are saying, but I can't imagine starting again. I have Flora and the boys and work and Mom and Alan. That's enough for me. Kate was my soul mate. No one will be able to compare to her."

"I know you feel that way now but I hope you won't always. Kate would not have wanted you to be alone. When you were apart, she would say that she just hoped you could find happiness with someone else as she did not like the thought of you being alone," she explained. "I am sure she would feel that way about this situation and I just want you to know I feel that way too. I was thinking last night that perhaps my constantly popping over to see you and Flora could get in the way of you moving on to a new relationship and I would not want that."

Caroline found herself wiping away tears yet again. She seemed to be doing that a lot this trip. "Ginika, I always felt I didn't deserve Kate and now I am feeling I don't deserve you. I don't know what more to say."

"Just promise me that my being around as much as I hope to be will not stop you living as full a life as possible. If you find someone special, share that with me and don't run from it. I won't break at the thought-quite the contrary actually. I am old enough and wise enough to recognize that if you are happy, then Flora will be happy by extension."

Caroline rose to pour them some coffee and turned to slice a bagel as a way to avoid having to respond. She tried to swallow the lump that had risen in her throat at the thought of how deeply Ginika understood her pain and loneliness. But in her heart of hearts, Caroline really did not see herself in another relationship whatsoever as no one could replace Kate.

"How about you Ginika. Is there anyone special in your life? Kate never talked about you having a relationship with anyone other than her father," she inquired in an effort to change the subject.

"Oh I've had my share of companions since I came to Columbia. There was no one special until Bernie came along. He's a tenured math professor who was widowed about four years ago. He's away at a conference or you would have met him," she said.

Caroline took a bite of the lox covered bagel as Ginika continued.

"We enjoy each other's company. We go to lectures and concerts when we are not otherwise busy eating our way around Manhattan. We don't live together and never really want to. We have found we're both very set in our ways and like having our own places to retreat to when we want some space."

"How did you meet? Was it at a Columbia event?," Caroline asked.

"It's a funny story. About two years ago, I was walking in the Strawberry Fields area in Central Park and he was walking his dog, Snow, in the other direction. Bernie tripped over something and dropped the leash. Next thing I knew an adorable white fur ball was running toward me and I bent down to say hello and grab the leash," she recalled with a smile. "He treated me to a cup of coffee as a thank you and the rest is history."

"Now that is a 'meet cute' story," commented Caroline. "Did Kate ever meet him?"

"No. We talked about him but I don't think she was here for a visit since we've been together. I never invited him to travel with me when I was visiting Kate as I was too selfish and didn't want to share my time with her with anyone else."

"I'm glad you have someone. Do you think you will ever get more serious," she inquired.

"No. He has kids who can't cope with the thought of him being with anyone other than their mother and I respect that. I also like having the freedom our having separate residences affords me. I guess you could say that our relationship just suits me. It is nice to have Bernie to help round out my life in the way that he does," she said as she stood to get more coffee. "When I met Bernie I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had sworn off men. Sometimes love finds you when you aren't looking and I'm glad it did in my case," she replied. "I just don't want you to close yourself off to finding love again either."

"I appreciate your concern and will take your experience and advice to heart," Caroline assured her. "Now, how about explaining what Strawberry Fields is. Does it have anything to do with the Beatles," she asked in an attempt to change the subject yet again.

"How about I do you one better and show it to you," she suggested. "We could clean up a bit and then head out to Central Park. There's a small zoo Flora might enjoy. I just love the Park. There is the Alice in Wonderland statute where we could take some photos. I'm going to need lots of photos to look at after you two leave. It's such a beautiful day we should go soak up some sunshine."

"How about it Flora? Would you like to go look at lions and tigers and bears, oh my," Caroline said in a sing-song voice as she lifted her out of the high chair and went to get her ready for their Flora-centric excursion.


	7. Rainy Day

The last full day of their stay with Ginika turned out to be a rainy one so they decided to scrap the idea of going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and have a lazy day in the apartment. Caroline was the practical one who suggested that it would not be fair to Flora to cart her around in the rain and Ginika was privately relieved. She was thankful for the opportunity to just enjoy a peaceful day cuddling and doting on Flora while she still could.

Caroline did some laundry so everything she needed to pack was clean. She knew that would make life a little easier for her since she expected jet lag to hit again when she got home. As she was returning from the laundry room, Ginika, who had just put Flora down for a nap, called her over to her desk. On it were some of the photo albums Caroline spotted that first day.

"As I was tucking Flora in, I started thinking about framing some of the photos I took in Central Park and then I remembered I wanted to show you these albums. Should we carry them to the kitchen, make some tea, and then have a look?"

"I can't think of a better way to spend a rainy afternoon," Caroline responded with anticipation.

"I haven't looked in these albums since long before Kate died. Since she passed I have only taken them off the shelf to dust them. I think you should bring that box of tissues along as a precaution."

For the next two hours, they poured through the books that were filled with photos chronicling more facets of Kate's life than Caroline could have imagined. The photos were well organized and went from the obligatory photos of her naked in the bath as a little toddler all the way up to her last Christmas with Caroline.

She was amazed at how every aspect of Kate's life seemed to have been documented. There were photos of her first bike ride without training wheels, her smiling without her front teeth, her first piano recital, and her standing in front of her dormitory freshman year of college. Basically, if it seemed like a milestone, regardless of how big or small, her parents captured it.

But then there were the photos that were taken by Kate and her friends during her university years. There were photos of her sitting around the campfire toasting marshmallows at the beach with friends, as well as photos of nights spent partying with all and sundry. Ginika was right, there were some funny photos of Kate with her hair dyed purple during her college days that amazed Caroline. She looked so young and carefree that Caroline wondered if they would have been friends had they met back then. In comparison to her straight-laced, studying before partying ethic, she was sure Kate would have found her too serious and boring to have given her the time of day.

Caroline was surprised to see that Ginika even had photographs from Kate's wedding to Richard. She felt more than a little jealous looking at them but she loved all the ones of Kate with Joy. The realization that they had more time with her than she did hurt but she thought Joy looked like someone she would have loved as well; Richard not so much.

Ginika talked almost non-stop about the photos as they flipped the pages. She could tell her mother-in-law needed to take this trip down memory lane so Caroline just soaked up all the details on offer and sprinkled the conversation with the occasional question to delve deeper when appropriate.

As they were finishing the last album, Caroline inquired, "Do you mind if I ask you about when you learned Kate was gay? She told me that you and her dad were really great about it but never went into details. I think it is because she knew how awful my mother was when I came out to her and she didn't want to make me feel bad that she had your full support."

"Well, to be honest, we were stunned and tried very hard to be supportive and not let her know we were struggling with it when she was not around," Ginika explained.

"It was the summer before she started university. She and Joy had been fighting about something and I walked into her bedroom to find her crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said the she was worried about fitting in at school. I told her that she would make friends and do well and that I thought she would love it and fit right in after she had a little time to make the place her own. I expected she would be home sick at first but reminded her we could come see her whenever she wanted."

"She dried her tears and said she loved that she could tell me anything and I always made her feel better. We hugged and I asked her what else was going on. It was then that she opened up to me about her interest in girls instead of boys. She was clearly fearful that I might disappoint her with a bad reaction but I just hugged her long and hard and told her that my only wish was that she be happy and I promised her I would do everything in my power to see that she was."

"The look of relief on her face was instantaneous. I asked her if that revelation had anything to do with the fight she was having with Joy. She confessed that it did but told me that Joy was pushing her to tell me and was threatening to do it if she didn't. Joy was convinced that I would be supportive and did not feel Kate should hide that part of herself from us any longer. I think I never loved Joy more than I did at that moment," she recalled wistfully.

"Was she ever involved with Joy as more than friend," Caroline asked.

"Oh God no!" came Ginika's fast reply. "Joy was her sister and best friend. She was the one Kate confided in at all times and about all things. Joy was just concerned that if Kate didn't tell us and then struggled with it as she settled into university, we would not know how to help her. They really were that connected."

"Wow. Sounds like she had some great insight for her age," an impressed Caroline said.

Ginika continued, "I shared our conversation with Kate's dad as she was too embarrassed to tell him. He was as surprised as I was because Kate was very popular with the boys. We were both so worried about how difficult her life would be since living an open alternative lifestyle was unheard of back then. And of course we knew that in some circles her skin color would pose enough of a challenge in its own right."

"We decided that her life would have enough obstacles and we did not want to be one of them. We pledged to ourselves that we would be accepting at all times. But in private, we were sad that we would never see her walk down the aisle to a groom waiting for her and assumed she would never have children. We acknowledged to each other all the doors that would be closed to her but we never projected any of that disappointment onto her nor tried to pressure her to be someone she was not. When she needed us, we were there and supportive," she finished.

"Kate was very lucky to have you. I know that you know how my mother reacted and bullied me into living that conventional life she expected of me," said Caroline. "I always admired how brave Kate was about living out in the open and I know that your support had a lot to do with her courage. It took me a long time to get there but I am sure I would not have been brave enough to do so without Kate. I'm just sorry it took me so long after I found her."

"Caroline, no regrets remember? You got there in the end and because of that you have Flora. I couldn't have asked for a better mate for her, or a better mum for her child than you. I'll always be here for you and Flora—whatever you need. To be honest, that was never something I felt for Richard."

"Yeah. Tell me about him, please," ventured Caroline. "What was it that made her marry him since you two supported her lifestyle."

"Well, although most of her friends knew she preferred girls, from time to time she dated boys. When Joy got married, I think she was envious and that may have played a part. Then there was her desire to be a teacher. She might not have been able to find a good teaching job because the alternative lifestyle was not readily accepted back then. Imagine the backlash she could have faced if parents objected in the 90's. I also think that after becoming a teacher she realized how much she wanted to have children of her own. I suspect Richard just helped her tick a lot of those boxes but I was convinced he wasn't her grand passion."

"Do you think they would have remained together if they had a baby," she inquired.

"No. Don't get me wrong. She loved him in her way and took her vows seriously," she answered. "Let me show you something. Look at Kate's eyes in these two photos and tell me what you see."

Caroline studied them carefully. One was a picture of Kate and Richard clinking champagne glasses at their wedding reception. The other was of Kate and Caroline sitting together at Sulgrave. It was taken sometime after the staff learned of their relationship.

"She looks happy in both," she simply replied flatly.

"If you look closer," said Ginika, "you will notice that there is no light in her eyes with Richard but she is lit up like a Christmas tree in the one with you. Those are the things maybe only a mother can see. You were what she was missing all those years. That lack of light when she was with Richard always worried me."

With that statement, Ginika closed the last photo album and rose to carry them back to the shelf. Caroline followed close behind with the rest of them. "Thank you for sharing these with me. I have to admit it was hard to see some of them but I am just amazed that there were so many. They helped me see what a wonderful life she had. You may not realize it but you have answered some of the questions I have been wishing I had taken the time to ask her," she said gratefully.

As they shared a comforting hug, they could hear Flora starting to stir in the other room. Ginika went to get her while Caroline went to fold the laundry. As she pulled Flora's favorite blanket from the dryer, she laughed out loud when she realized it was just about the same color as Kate's purple hair had been.


	8. Flying Through Turbulence

Caroline was exhausted by the time she and Flora settled into their seats on the plane. They said goodbye to Ginika at her apartment and took a cab back to the airport. She wanted to ride along but Caroline assured her that it made no sense for her to incur the extra cab fare when she could not see them past security and when she would be coming to Harrogate in a few weeks.

Caroline was relieved that the security check was easier than she feared. She was dreading juggling the carry on, removing her shoes and maneuvering Flora, but it all seemed to work out fine because there was a special line for people traveling with small children.

She also managed to get priority to board early because she was traveling with a baby. That allowed her to settle in before the third person in their row arrived. She opted to take an aisle seat with Flora in the middle, leaving the window seat for the third person. She was just hopeful it would be someone kind as it looked like the flight was fully booked.

There was a lot of action in the aisle with people filing by searching for their seats. Before too long Caroline felt someone standing beside her struggling to put a bag in the overhead compartment. After a few seconds, the woman said, "I'm sorry to be a bother but I think that's my seat by the window."

Caroline rose to step into the aisle to give her room to pass. It was then that they were face to face and the woman said, "Caroline? Are you Caroline Dawson or did you use to be?"

Caroline looked intently at the stranger but could not place her. "Yes, but it's McKenzie-Dawson now. I'm sorry but I don't recognize you."

"I'm Nicola Moffatt. We were at school together like a hundred years ago."

"Nicola Moffatt. I remember you. Weren't we lab partners our last year in school? I'm sorry, I should have recognized you but I guess I'm just in a travel daze."

"No worries but did I ever thank you for helping me pass Mr. Harner's class? I hated everything about him, right down to his seriously bad breath," Nicola said with a chuckle.

"Oh my gosh, I remember him. He really was dreadful, wasn't he? I haven't thought about him for years," Caroline said as she joined in the laughter.

Nicola settled back into her seat and felt around for the seat belt. "Who do we have here then?"

"This is my daughter, Flora."

"She's just beautiful Caroline. Wow, I can't imagine having such a young one at our age but then again you look great so it must suit you well," she said softly.

"Do you have any children," Caroline asked, hoping to avoid the inevitable. "No, I never married but I was in a long-term relationship with someone for who had kids. They lived with us so I have a little idea about how much work and how much fun they can be," Nicola responded. "So where are you headed?"

"Home. We were visiting my mother-in-law who lives in Manhattan," she replied. "I can't wait to sleep in my own bed. You?"

"Headed home also. I was in the States on business. I work for Unilever and I had to handle a series of meetings about a couple of our product lines," she explained. "What do you do? Last I heard you had your doctorate in chemistry and were about to marry to a John something or other."

"Oh, that was a lifetime ago then," she responded while adjusting the air vent to keep the cool air from hitting Flora directly. They settled into some casual conversation about their respective visits to New York as the plane took off.

After a bit, the captain interrupted them with an announcement that the meal and beverage service would be delayed because of the turbulence they were anticipating. Caroline turned her attention to make sure Flora, who was already napping, was properly secured in her seat and checked her own seat belt. She leaned down to put her iPad in her bag that was stowed at her feet and then turned back to Nicola again.

"Well, it's going to be a long flight so if you are inclined to give me your potted history, I'd love to know what you've been up to since our school days," Nicola said eagerly. Actually, it was a little too eager for Caroline who was not sure she was ready to open up to someone she hadn't seen in about thirty years.

"Why don't you start," Caroline suggested, buying a little time to decide how much she wanted to share.

"As you may recall, I went to Cambridge. After that I moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts to get my MBA at Harvard. Yes, everyone jokes that I never met a Cambridge I didn't like," she quipped. "I was recruited out of Harvard by Johnson and Johnson and lived in the States working my way up the ranks until I was a division chief."

"That's really impressive," Caroline interjected.

"I loved my job and loved my life, or so I thought. After about twelve years, my partner Pat left me for someone else who didn't work the crazy hours my job demanded. Pat got tired of my having to travel a lot for work. Pat was a little older than me and had been married with two great kids. Once we split, I think I missed the kids the most but they were grown and out of the nest by that point anyway," Nicola said.

Noticing Caroline wasn't saying anything, she continued, "Shortly after our breakup, my mum was diagnosed with cancer and my father was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I took some family medical leave to help them out. It was hard work but I was glad to be there for them. You probably don't remember that I am an only child so there really was no one else. I was surprised at how good it felt to be back in England that I reached out to a connection I had at Unilever and never looked back. Once the relationship with Pat was over, there wasn't that much to go back for other than a few friends at work."

"I am so sorry. How are your parents? Are they…" she struggled for the words to finish her question but she was afraid of the answer. "Mum died of complications, which was a blessing, but dad is still battling on. He is in a care home near me and has everything he needs. He's adjusted well and I see him regularly so it's all good," Nicola jumped in to keep the conversation from getting too maudlin.

"Sounds like you have not been bored all these years," she said.

"Apart from catching Pat having an affair, I have no room to complain," she said honestly.

"Looks like we have more in common than just surviving Mr. Harner's chemistry class," Caroline offered. "I caught my John having an affair shortly after our 18th anniversary. I felt like such a fool for not seeing it earlier."

"I am sorry Caroline. It sucks doesn't it?"

"Well put. I think like Pat, he was tired of my job and the kids coming first," Caroline said as she leaned down to pick up the blanket Flora had kicked off. After tucking it around her small body and kissing her head, she continued, "after Oxford, I decided to go into teaching. A few years later I became the Head at Sulgrave Heath in Harrogate. I just love my job but John was always jealous of it."

"That's impressive. I always assumed you would stay in the lab as you were such a natural at all those equations but I can see you as a head teacher. I'll bet the staff and students love you," Nicola offered as a complement.

"I don't know about that," she responded more than a little embarrassed.

"How many kids do you and John have," Nicola inquired.

"We have two boys. William, my oldest, is at university and Lawrence is still at Sulgrave with me," Caroline responded. "Flora is from my second marriage." Knowing what was coming next, she took a deep breath and waited for the inevitable question.

"Is your spouse not traveling with you? Did he stay behind to spend more time with his mum?"

"My spouse passed away," she began.

"Well I've just put my foot in it. I'm so sorry," Nicola offered. "We can change the subject if you'd like or I can just stop talking and let you read your iPad."

"No. No. It's fine. It's been a few months so I can talk about it without breaking down now at least," Caroline said quietly. "A few weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to talk about it but I guess time is starting to smooth over some of the rough edges."

"Actually, this trip to see her mother has really helped," she said before she realized she let her slip show. She quickly looked at Nicola trying to gauge her reaction.

Without missing a beat, Nicola said, "I'm glad to hear that time is helping. She must have been very special to give you a child as beautiful as Flora."

A relieved Caroline merely said, "She was, thank you."

"I think I should explain that Pat is short for Patricia," confessed Nicola. "I'm always hesitant to offer that fact up when I don't know how it will be received."

It was then that the captain announced that they were through the turbulence and that the meal service would begin shortly. Suddenly Caroline was feeling more relaxed and was looking forward to the rest of the flight.


	9. Pondering the Possibilities

Nicola and Caroline talked all the way through the dinner service. As the passengers settled in to grab some shuteye, Caroline decided she should do the same while Flora slept.

Nicola tried to catch up on a little of the work in her carry-on. She gave it her best but her eyes and her mind kept drifting over to Caroline.

She had a massive crush on her back in school and was sure Caroline never caught on. That was why she asked Mr. Harner to make them lab partners. She didn't dare explain the real reason to him but said that she was afraid she would struggle a bit with the class and knew Caroline could help her. It had been a really tough year being that close to her but never being able to act on her feelings.

As she watched Caroline sleep, she wondered if Caroline ever thought about her that way. Then she pondered whether a relationship between Harrogate and London would be feasible, if Caroline were so inclined. She also wondered if it was too soon for Caroline to even consider going on a date with her, let alone anyone else.

She let her imagination run away with her. She could picture them meeting for tea, cooking romantic dinners and planning weekend get-a-ways. After about an hour of wishful thinking, Nicola decided to turn back to the heavy folder in her lap, remembering that her reality included a big meeting the following afternoon during which she would have to report on the outcome of her meetings in New York.

What Nicola did not know was that two seats away Caroline had slipped into a dream about them in Mr. Harner's laboratory. They were struggling with a formula that wasn't working and they had to stay after school to get it right. Alone in the room after the teacher went home for the night, they shared some tender kisses that held the promise of more as the test tubes in front of them rattled on the counter. It was then that Caroline awoke to the sound of the drinks cart coming up the aisle.

Feeling more than a little flushed from her dream, she quietly slipped out to the loo. She was glad she was sitting on the end so she could escape without disturbing Nicola.

Caroline had a thing for her in school and could not believe she bumped into her again after all those years. She thought Nicola looked just the same and was amazed she hadn't aged.

She took a long hard look at herself in the mirror. She didn't see as many frown lines and wrinkles as she did before the trip. She felt more rested and less empty. But what surprised her the most was that she felt a spark just talking with her again after all this time. She just didn't know what to do about it and pondered whether she should ask to exchange contact information before the plane landed.


	10. Re-Entry

Caroline and Nicola stood together at the baggage carousel. Flora was nestled into her stroller and the ladies took turns watching her while the other stepped forward to grab her suitcase.

"Well that's us," declared Caroline. "Do you have all your pieces?"

"Yes. I think it's time to head to the parking lot and see if my car is still there. How about you? Do you have a way home," Nicola asked as they exited the airport.

"My son William should be pulling up any minute. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed bumping into you again. You have my number so please call when you have time."

"It was good to see you too and I promise I will call. I was thinking perhaps we could arrange to meet in a couple of weeks somewhere between yours and mine. Give it some thought and let me know what you think when we talk," she responded. Nicola really wanted to hug Caroline goodbye but she did not. She was afraid such contact might be a little too much for Caroline who she suspected was still in mourning.

"Sounds good. Have a safe drive home. We can decide on the details after we all recover from our jet lag. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow," replied Caroline. Then she bent down to take Flora's hand to wave goodbye to Nicola who headed off in the opposite direction but who couldn't resist looking back for one more glimpse of Caroline.

William spied this scene as he pulled the Jeep up to where Caroline was waiting. He jumped out to give her a big hug, kiss Flora and load the luggage in the back but refrained from asking about the very pretty and perfectly proportioned blonde. He noticed she was about the same height and build as his mum but she had very short hair that flattered her cheekbones and eyes and wasn't as fair-skinned.

"Wow. What do you have in these cases? They are so much heavier than when you left," he remarked.

"I did a spot of shopping and Ginika had lots of stuff she picked up for Flora. She also gave me a very heavy photo album. I was lucky to fit it all in."

"So, how was the trip? Was it what you expected," he inquired.

"It was very restful and restorative. We saw a lot of the tourist sights I didn't get to see when I was there with your father all those years ago," she responded. They spent the majority of the drive back to Conway talking about the many excursions the ladies made.

When they were just a few blocks from home William finally ventured into the territory he really wanted to explore. "So, who was that at the airport? Did you meet someone on the plane?"

Caroline wasn't surprised William noticed since he had always been a keen observer of her life and her strongest ally.

"Well, that was Nicola Moffatt. She and I were in school together. As luck would have it, she was seated with us."

"What a small world. Did you have a pleasant stroll down memory lane during the flight?"

"As a matter of fact we did. We were lab partners in Chemistry class our last year at school. I haven't seen her since we graduated and it was great to catch up."

William gave her a sideways glance and an affectionate smile. "Why do I think there is more to this than you are telling me?"

"You know me too well William. I'm too tired from travelling to get into it now but suffice it to say she was with a woman for a lot of years who cheated on her and I think she is still smarting from the betrayal," she said with an indiscernible sigh.

William pulled into the drive and turned the car off. Instead of exiting the car, he turned and looked at her. "She's very beautiful. Why don't you call her and make plans to get together?"

"She suggested we meet in a couple of weeks but she lives outside of London, has a pretty demanding job and a father in a care home. It's a lovely idea but I'm not sure either of us has time to spare," she said already feeling her feet getting cold.

"Mum, you need to make time for yourself. If you spend all your time away from Sulgrave just caring for all of us and not having any fun you will look as tired as you did before you left for New York. You look great. I suspect that's because you did some things for yourself for a change."

Caroline reached over and squeezed his arm but didn't say anything in response. She knew he was right and just wondered how long it might be before Nicola called. She was sure of one thing, she didn't have the courage to call her. Not yet anyway.


	11. Sounding Board Sandy

Caroline was getting discouraged that Nicola hadn't called. She had been home about a week and tried to keep herself busy so she didn't hyper analyze why there had been no contact.

When she finally did call, Caroline was in the chair at her hairdresser's. Assuming it was her mum, she looked at the phone and broke out in a smile when Nicola's name flashed on the screen. She apologized to Sandy and said she had to take the call. Sandy put the scissors down and walked over to the water cooler to get a drink and give her some privacy.

"Hi, Nicola."

"Caroline, have I caught you at a bad time or do you have time to chat?"

"Actually I am at the hairdresser just now. Could I call you back in about a half hour?"

"Absolutely. I'll look forward to it."

"Me too. I'm glad you called. I'll call you from the car in a bit." Caroline looked at the phone and smiled as she pushed the END button and slid it back into her purse.

Sandy was watching her from a distance and noticed the energetic change in her body language. As she came back to stand behind her, she couldn't help but smile at her in the mirror. She picked up the scissors and started to cut her hair again and thought to herself that she hadn't seen her look so happy since before Kate died and her curiosity was killing her.

"That was a short call. Is everything all right," she asked coyly, knowing Caroline was intensely private and wouldn't give up any details easily.

"Yes. It was probably going to be a long call and I said I'd call back when we're done." Caroline quickly changed the topic to asking about Sandy's mum. She had broken her hip and was in rehab the last time Caroline was in her chair.

Sandy chuckled to herself as she knew what Caroline was up to and decided that after knowing her for the past 15 years she would push her a little bit to see if she could get any details. "Mum's on the mend. But how are you? Your eyes are getting their sparkle back a bit. Are you doing better?"

"It's getting easier. Flora is growing by leaps and bounds and my boys are doing great. I really have a lot to be thankful for and I am starting to focus more on the good things rather than the sad things," she responded.

"Good for you. Have you started going out yet? I know it hasn't been that long but I bet you have people lining up for you," she said softly.

"You're transparent, you know that don't you Sandy? One phone call and you're like a dog with a bone," Caroline observed.

"Guilty as charged so you might was well fill me in or I might lose my concentration and give you crooked bangs," Sandy teased.

"Is there such as thing as hairdresser-client confidentiality?"

"For you, absolutely," Sandy responded without missing a beat.

"Actually I could use a sounding board. I ran into a classmate from school on the plane coming back from the States. We had a great time reminiscing and I think she's interested in me. I think I could be in her as well but I just don't know if it's too soon or if I'm ready for any sort of a relationship," she began.

"Only you can decide when you are ready but I don't think it's too soon," Sandy offered. "What does your family think?"

"William is the only one who knows and he keeps hounding me to call her rather than wait for her to call me. That was the first call she's made since we traded numbers a week ago. As for the rest, I haven't talked to Mum or Gillian about it yet."

"Why not? What are you afraid of? Scratch that. From what you've told me about them I'll bet Gillian will tell you to jump in the sack on the first date and your mum will likely be anything but supportive if there are no male parts involved. How did I do," she asked.

"Yep. That's exactly what I expect from them. If I learned anything from Kate, though, it's that I have to just do what I think is right and not look for approval from anyone but myself. I just don't know what I think is right," said Caroline.

"What's the worst thing that can happen if you go out with this person and have some fun?"

"I could use some fun right now, that's for sure. But to be honest, I had a crush on her back in school and I am a little concerned that the reality may not be as good as the fantasy. Know what I mean?"

"Caroline, there's only one way to find out. When you call her, ask her out if she doesn't ask you out. But if she waited a week to call you, I'll bet she'll beat you to it," she said as she removed the smock and gave her a hand mirror so she could look at the cut from all angles in the big mirror on the wall.

"Do you want to schedule your next cut and color or call when you are ready," Sandy asked as she took her payment.

"Would you mind if I call for an appointment? I think I just want to get to the car and return her call," Caroline said with a bashful blush starting to rise in her cheeks.

"I wouldn't want it any other way. Good luck and remember, I want details when I see you again," Sandy said with a wink. In a flash, Caroline was out the door and it looked to Sandy like she was placing the call before she even unlocked her Jeep.


	12. Getting Back in the Swing

The fact that Nicola answered the call on the first ring caused Caroline to break out in a big smile no one could see.

"Hello there. How has your week been," Nicola inquired.

"Good. Not much jet lag so Flora and I were able to settle back in rather well. How was your big meeting," Caroline countered.

"The management team was pleased with the outcome of my trip so everything is fine on this end. Actually, things are better than fine. I was given a couple of passes to the Wimbledon semi-finals and finals as a reward for a job well done. Since we are a sponsor, these are very sought after in the company. Lots of good food, great seats and a terrific vantage point for celebrity watching will be on offer. Oh, and the tennis is a lot of fun to watch too. Can I interest you in attending with me? I know it's not much notice but I thought if you were game we could make a long weekend of it."

"Hmmmm. Wow. I'm not sure that is an offer I can refuse," said a flabbergasted Caroline. "I've never been and have always wanted to attend. I've watched both the mens' and women's finals every year on the telly."

"Do you play tennis," Nicola inquired to take the pressure off Caroline having to respond on the spot.

"I use to, before kids, when I had the time. I love the sport. Some of the top players right now are just amazing to watch. I'll have to see if I can get Greg to cover Flora duty," she said as the butterflies started to rise in her stomach. "Where would we stay?"

"As I see it, there are two options. Unilever has some suites booked nearby or we could stay at my flat but that means we would spend a fair amount of time commuting too and fro and battling the crowds. How do you feel about my taking one of the suites?"

Caroline was silent for a bit on the other end of the phone as the butterflies continued to flit around in her stomach. Dialing into her discomfort, Nicola tried to come to her rescue.

"I sense you hesitating so believe me when I say I fully understand. I've thought about you a great deal this past week and if I'm honest, I'll admit I am interested in getting to know everything there is to know about you but I do not want to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured to explore anything more that a friendship now if that is all you can handle. Does that sound fair?"

Caroline exhaled in relief. She actually didn't realize she was holding her breath until she did so.

"Thank you for saying that. I have been thinking about you this week as well and I am not sure what I am up for but I do know I am happy we have reconnected. Spending a couple of days watching tennis with you sounds like a great way to get to know you better," she responded. "Let me talk with Greg and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

"Great! I have to admit that I already took one of the suites on the chance that you could attend as I didn't want to have someone else snag it first. I'll let you go so you can check with him and get back to me," she said. "I'm delighted Caroline."

"Me too."

Caroline noticed her hands were shaking a little as she called Greg. As expected, he was thrilled at the prospect of having Flora for a long weekend by himself and asked if she minded them traveling to see his parents. Turned out he was wanting to do that for quite some time but just did not know how to propose the idea to Caroline. He was relieved she was more than receptive to the idea. Little did he know that she was more relieved her mum was still Down Under so she didn't have to explain any of these developments to her just yet.

As soon as the call with Greg ended, she called Nicola. She had to leave a voicemail as the line was engaged so in her most chirpy voice, she told her she could make it and asked her to ring back so they could discuss some of the details.

It was then that she felt a rising sense of panic and suddenly wondered what she was getting herself into. Trying to shake off the regret, she started the car and headed toward Conway Drive. As a distraction she turned on the radio. _Somewhere in the World_ by Swing Out Sister was just starting. She couldn't remember the last time she heard it but remembered it as one of Kate's favorite songs. Instead of it filling her with longing for Kate, she found it comforting and took it as a sign Kate was pleased and before she knew it, she was smiling and singing along.


	13. Let the Games Begin

Caroline found herself on the motorway a few days later heading toward Nicola. She experienced every emotion imaginable during those few days in between. Vacillating between fear and excitement, Caroline decided to take her at her word that they could start by building a friendship with no pressure for anything more. But as her road trip got underway, Caroline found herself consumed with thoughts of Kate and the early days of their relationship.

Traffic was surprisingly light and she made good time, pulling into the hotel twenty minutes ahead of schedule. She gave the keys to the valet and passed through the double doors to find Nicola in the beautifully appointed lobby, sipping an iced tea and reading a magazine while she waited. Caroline sidled up to her and the smile on Nicola's face at the sight of Caroline put her instantly at ease and helped her erase the thoughts of Kate she brought with her from the Jeep.

Nicola quickly got to her feet and gave Caroline a loose embrace. "You made great time. How was the drive?"

"Surprisingly easy. So what's up first on the agenda? I'm ready to move as I've been sitting too long in the car," she replied.

"Let's get the bags up to the suite and then head over to the sponsor's tent to check the tournament schedule. It's just a short walk from here."

As they entered the suite, Caroline was almost speechless. "Wow, this is what I call living," she exclaimed. There were fresh flowers, a bowl of gorgeous fruit, and a bar set-up with all the right snacks and libations for a happy hour or two of their choice.

Flanking the living room were bedrooms, each with its own spa-worthy bathroom. Caroline noted that Nicola had her luggage in the bedroom to the right and, without discussion, Nicola instructed the bellboy to put her things in the room on the left.

After the bellboy took his leave, Nicola began, "One thing about Unilever is that they do everything first class. If you have the stamina, we can avail ourselves of all the events that are planned to entertain our business contacts. Then again, all you need to do is say when you have had enough and we can head back here to collapse and regroup."

"I assume this weekend will be part work for you so you need to make sure you don't ignore any of your responsibilities because of entertaining me," Caroline thoughtfully responded.

"Actually, all I need to do is mix and mingle as I see my contacts. There is nothing special that is expected from me otherwise so we can just relax and enjoy the party atmosphere."

Caroline was more than a little apprehensive about how the beautiful blond would introduce her and what people would wonder about their relationship. Trying to take a page from her past mistakes with Kate, she decided not to broach the subject and opted instead to suggest they grab a drink and a bite to eat without much delay; she was starving as she had been too nervous to eat breakfast before she left Harrogate.

As they walked to the sponsor's pavilion, Nicola asked how Caroline preferred being introduced during the weekend. "I told my colleagues I was bringing an old friend this weekend but I did not elaborate. Everyone knows about my lifestyle so some might look at us sideways. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable so I need to know how you wish to be introduced."

"Why don't you just say that we are old school chums who ran into each other on the flight back from New York. It's the truth and will hopefully preclude a lot of deeper discussion. I think we need to figure out what we are before we start trying to explain it to anyone else. But I do want to say that bumping into you I suspect is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time," she said with a reassuring smile and a quick squeeze of Nicola's hand.

"Sounds like a fine plan. The only thing I ask is that if people start talking to me and I don't introduce you right away you understand that means I don't remember their names and will be too embarrassed to admit it. It would help immensely if you step in and introduce yourself so we get the names. Would you mind?"

Caroline let out a hearty laugh and told her that she and John used that same code when they were out together. With that, they slipped into the pavilion and their weekend officially began.


	14. Night Cap

Caroline couldn't remember when she'd had as much fun as she was having with Nicola. The tennis matches were riveting, the food was as great as Nicola promised and her colleagues were so welcoming. She couldn't keep count of how many of them she met but she could tell Nicola was well liked and respected.

She loved watching Nicola mix and mingle. It seemed to come effortlessly to the gorgeous, leggy blond who appeared as comfortable talking with strangers as she did with upper management.

What surprised Caroline the most was that no one seemed overly inquisitive about their status; at least no one but herself. Nicola had been a model of self-restraint. The only physical contact they had was an occasional hand behind each other's back as one ushered the other into a room and the occasional hand on an elbow or an arm but it felt comfortable and natural.

By the end of the third night, Caroline seriously wanted to kiss Nicola but wasn't sure she had the guts to initiate it. The urge came to her as she was watching Angela, the head of HR, talking close to Nicola in a manner that looked like she was flirting with her. Angela was a dark-haired beauty and was the kind of person everyone noticed when she entered a room. To Nicola's credit, she seemed oblivious to Angela's charms.

Caroline recognized she had a jealous streak when it came to Nicola as she felt herself falling more and more for her with each day. While they were casual friends back in school, they now had an instant bond from having had similar upbringings and experiences.

As they headed back to their hotel, Nicola reached out and took Caroline's hand to hold. She looked at Caroline as she made contact and asked if it was all right.

"I was just about to do the same," she replied quietly while giving it a squeeze. They walked the rest of the way without talking and only released hands when they got into the crowded elevator. As they alighted from the lift, Nicola got out her card to open their door.

"It's later than I realized," Nicola began. "Are you ready to crash or would you like a night cap?"

"Hmmm. That's a nice idea," she responded. "But what I feel I really need first is a shower. How about I meet you back here in about twenty minutes?"

"Sounds like a plan. First one done picks the drinks."

Caroline took her time cleaning up, trying to muster enough courage to either kiss Nicola or let her kiss her. She couldn't remember the last time she felt equal parts nervous and excited at the thought of a first kiss.

When she finally stepped out of the bath, she smelled fabulous from the hotel's Molten Brown bath products. She donned her favorite deep purple silk pajamas and wrapped the plush hotel robe around herself. She entered the living room to find Nicola wearing her identical robe and shaking a very dry vodka martini.

"Sorry but I've been drinking vodka all night and I'm afraid if I switch to something else I'll have a terrible headache in the morning," Nicola explained.

"That sounds perfect. But I didn't think you had much to drink tonight," Caroline responded.

"I didn't but I just didn't hydrate enough in the sun today to risk it," she said as she handed Caroline her drink and clinked her own glass against it. "Cheers."

"Mmmm. That's perfect. Actually you're perfect," she began as she moved to the couch. "I don't know how to thank you for this weekend but I've been thinking about how I don't seem to want it to end."

"It could just be the beginning, Caroline."

She patted the seat beside her and Nicola sat down, resting her head against the back of the couch so she could look deep into Caroline's beautiful blue eyes. She tucked her legs underneath her and without saying anything more leaned toward Caroline who met her halfway for their first kiss. It was tender and gentle and like Caroline's dream on the plane, it held the promise of more. When they finally broke apart, Caroline half jokingly said, "Why didn't we do that back in our school days?"

"Why indeed," Nicola responded as she leaned in for another kiss.


	15. Pulling Back

Before things got any more heated than a few kisses, Caroline pulled back, smiling at Nicola while brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Mind if we talk for a few minutes," she asked. "I'm on slippery ground here as my heart and my head are in two very different places right now."

"Caroline, I understand and believe me when I say I don't want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable."

"It is a little soon but that's not it at all. It's that I can see this going the distance and I want to make sure we take our time so this doesn't turn into just a rebound thing for either of us."

"I see you're still as pragmatic as I remember you from school," Nicola said as she poked Caroline with her foot and gave her a broad smile.

"I want to ask you a question but you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Not sure of what was coming next, Nicola, took a sip of her drink to brace herself.

"Has there been anyone since Pat?"

"No."

"How long has it been?"

"A little over a year. I was too fragile at first and then I was too overwhelmed caring for my parents. If you are worried about me being on the rebound, that's not what this is for me."

"How did you get to the point that you knew you were ready for a relationship again?"

"Oh, that's easy. I saw you as I was taking my seat on the plane," she responded with a Cheshire cat grin as she took another sip of her martini with her left hand while tracing Caroline's knee with the index finger of her right hand.

Caroline reached out to stop her by taking her right hand in her left hand and laced their fingers together. She smiled at her and then kissed the back of her hand.

"It's only been a few months for me and I have to admit that I think I have feelings for you that I didn't expect I would have for anyone ever again. And if I'm honest, it scares me as much as it excites me."

"I get it Caroline. There was no hidden agenda for this trip other than to get to know you better. But honestly, I can't deny the connection that I feel with you and I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize that."

"Me either. I suggest we plan our next get together before this one ends," Caroline said with a smile as a yawn unwittingly escaped her.

"Agreed. But it's getting late so I think we should call it a night. We don't want to miss any of the finals tomorrow, do we? Come on, I'll walk you to your door," suggested Nicola.

As they stood, Nicola took her hand and didn't let it go until she leaned against Caroline's doorframe and pulled her in for a tight embrace and a long, deep kiss. "Pleasant dreams," she said as she released her.

"With a kiss like that, you bet. Thanks for understanding," a relieved Caroline said. Nicola paused to caress her cheek and then turned to head to her own door. To her surprise, Caroline grasped her hand and pulled her back for one last deep kiss goodnight.


	16. Refueling

As Caroline predicted, their long weekend came to a close far too soon. They said their goodbyes as they waited for the valet to bring their respective cars to them. Many of Nicola's colleagues were also in the queue waiting for theirs so they merely gave each other a lingering hug and parted with a promise from Caroline to let Nicola know she arrived home safely.

As she pulled into traffic, Caroline gave her a wave and then turned on the radio. After fumbling through the channels and finding nothing that suited her, she pulled up a playlist on her iPhone. It was one Kate loaded for her when they went for a long weekend before they married. It didn't make her feel as sad as it did the last time she listened to it.

Caroline realized she was working her way through the grief loss process and felt as though she was truly coming out of the dark. She knew that a lot of it was due to the kindness of Nicola but she also felt it was due in part to Ginika. Ginika. She wondered how she would explain to her being interested in a relationship so soon after returning from the States. Then her thoughts turned to her Mum. The thought of telling Celia instantly brought her down from cloud nine to the ground.

After doing some mental gymnastics without any success, she decided to call Gillian. She hadn't talked with her since she and Robbie returned from Spain as she didn't want to intrude on their time together. They had texted so she knew they were home safely but that was all.

When Gillian answered her cell phone, she heard the sheep in the background and knew she was working outside on the farm.

"Caroline! How are you? It may sound strange but I've missed you. What's up?"

"Gillian, it's good to hear your voice. How was Spain?"

"It was good. We ate too much, drank too much and basically just lazed around."

"How was Gary's house?"

"It was over the top. I think the walk-in closet in the master bedroom was bigger than my whole upstairs. How was New York?"

"It was good too. Ginika was a wonderful host and we got on very well. "

"How was Flora on the flight?"

"She was perfect. Didn't utter a peep to disturb any of the other passengers. She also didn't even seem to mind the change in cabin pressure. I hope she continues to be a good traveler because I'd like to take her over at least once a year and it is a long flight for a little one."

"I'll bet Ginika was in Heaven getting to spend so much time with her."

"She was. She's coming over in a few weeks. That's actually what I wanted to talk with you about. Do you have time or are you in the middle of something?"

"I always have time for you. Actually, I was just about to take a break and head in for a cup of tea. Talk to me while I do."

"Ginika was wonderful; very kind, nurturing and understanding. We did a lot of sightseeing and I heard stories about Kate I never knew. I came back feeling like I refueled or recharged my batteries to some extent. I slept great and actually had time to enjoy some great meals. The most amazing part though was Ginika actually encouraging me to fall in love again if I meet someone worthy. Can you believe it?"

"Actually, I can. She has such wise eyes, you know, just like Kate did," said Gillian. "So what's the problem?"

"I think I've met someone. Actually, I don't think it, I know it."

"Geez Caroline. Only you would think that's a problem."

"I need sane Gillian right now, not randy Gillian please."

"Right. Got it. Sorry. Good point actually. So, tell me about it." And with that invitation, Caroline filled her in about their history in school and then meeting on the plane again.

"Have you heard from her since you parted at the airport?"

"I just spent a long weekend with her at Wimbledon. Her company was a sponsor and she had tickets and a suite. It was a perfect get away."

"Are you're worried it's too soon? Is that what's going on," Gillian asked, ignoring the urge to ask her about whether they slept together.

"Bingo."

"At our age, Caroline, time is irrelevant. It's about how you feel and how many chances you think we have left at happiness. Kate isn't coming back and you deserve to be happy."

"That's what Ginika said. And I know all that. But how will it look and do you think Ginika really will handle it as well as she said? Kate was her world after all. Actually she was mine too so I can't believe I'm feeling this way so soon."

"You're asking me? Don't you recall that I'm the queen of not giving a fig what others think. If she said it, then I would take her at her word. And if she didn't mean it, then oh well. Sometimes you just have to go for what makes you happy and not worry about others. Think of all the time you lost with Kate because of caring what others thought. Sorry, I didn't mean that as harsh as it may have sounded."

"No. We're cool Vincent. You're right. I just need that reminder. Thanks."

"Anytime Caroline. I never did thank you for talking me down off the ledge on my wedding day. My first marriage was such a mistake that I think it made my feet really cold but I failed to think about how Robbie is nothing like Eddie. It's been better than I imagined. Thanks for encouraging me to go through with it."

"Let's just call it even," Caroline said as she put on her signal to make a stop for petrol.


	17. Coffee Break

Tuesday morning, bright and early, Nicola was sitting in her office looking through her mail. She was having trouble focusing after her long and wonderful weekend with Caroline. She reached over to turn on her computer and decided to grab her first coffee of the morning in the break room as she waited for it to fire up. There she found Angela doing the same.

"Nikki. Did you and Caroline have fun this past weekend? I liked her."

"Yes, it was a great time. Did you enjoy the tournament," she chirpily replied.

"Absolutely. Caroline seemed very nice. So are you two an item," Angela inquired.

"Direct and to the point as always, Angela," Nicola replied feeling a little embarrassed.

"Just trying to understand my competition," she said with a wink. "Actually, I'm just teasing you. I know we both have a no dating in the workplace rule and I think it's a good one to stick to. Seriously though, did you meet Madeline this weekend? I have a date with her on Friday night."

"Was she the one who was never without a glass of champagne in her hand all day Saturday? All I could think about was how big her hangover had to be Sunday morning. There's no way I could have handled all those bubbles."

"Ha. I didn't notice that but she was in fine form when we met for breakfast Sunday."

"Glad to hear it. Did you really like my Caroline?"

"Yes but is she yours? That's my burning question."

"I'm hoping so. I'm working on it. She's recently widowed so I am letting her sit in the driver's seat for a bit," she said as she stirred cream into her coffee.

"Oh man, that's a tough one. Aren't you worried about having to compete with her wife who by now has to be built up to be perfect in her mind?"

"Absolutely terrified about it. That's part of why I will take this slowly. Time and distance may help her put it all in perspective. But there is the most beautiful baby girl Caroline tells me is the spitting image of her mother. I can't imagine having a daily reminder like that."

"A child? Are you really up for that? Runny noses, diapers, and all that? She must really be something special to get into all that."

"Oh Angela, I love kids. I've never done the baby or toddler stage but she really is the most pleasant baby. I couldn't believe how great she was on the flight back from New York."

"Wow. Sounds like you've got your work cut out for you with her on several levels. I hope she's worth it."

"Oh, she is. I know the timing isn't ideal for her but I've loved her from afar for years and I just don't want to screw up this chance at a relationship with her."

"Take it slow and steady then and hopefully you will win the race. When are you seeing her again? If I remember she lives in Harrogate so you've got a distance disadvantage too," observed Angela.

"We're talking about meeting up in a couple of weeks somewhere between hers and mine."

"Keep me posted and if you have time this week, let's grab lunch. I better go as I have a conference call in a few minutes," said Angela as she threw her coffee stirrer in the trash.

"Will do. Maybe we can grab a salad on Thursday. I think that's my only open day this week."


	18. Tea Break

Caroline waited at the airport for Celia and Alan to clear customs. They extended their stay in New Zealand just long enough for Caroline to really be looking forward to seeing them again, so much so that she offered to do the airport transport.

As she waited, she thought about how to broach the subject of Nicola. She wasn't worried about Alan's reaction but was terrified about her mother's. Just thinking about it brought back the sad memories of her wedding day. She opened her purse and looked for a tissue to blow her nose. When she looked up, she spotted the Buttershaws coming toward her with tired but happy faces.

"Hello love," Celia said as she wrapped her into a big hug. "You have a lovely face that I've missed."

"Hello Caroline. It's so kind of you to pick us up. I don't think either of us could have handled riding in Gillian's Land Rover after our long flight," Alan said.

"It's good to have you back. Gillian was disappointed that she couldn't come for you but I figured you would probably want to go back to Conway Drive for a few days before heading to the farm," Caroline said.

"It's good to be back," he said. Celia just smiled and Caroline realized how tired they both looked.

The two travelers regaled Caroline with tales of their trip all the way home from the airport. By the time she tucked them into their flat she was exhausted from listening but relieved to not have had to tell them much about her trip to New York. She told them that could wait until they were settled back in and rested.

When Celia surfaced the next day, she found Caroline at her kitchen counter making a pot of tea. "Oh I'd love a cuppa. The tea on the plane was awful."

"Take a seat and I'll get you a cup. Want a biscuit too?"

"No thanks love. I think I need to cut back a little as I think I put on a bit of weight during our trip."

Caroline poured them each a cup and smiled at her Mum while settling onto one of the stools.

"You look better, like maybe you are finally sleeping and eating properly again. How are you?"

"I'm on the mend. It's getting easier but I still miss Kate every day."

"I am sure you do. How's my little petal Flora? Did you two have a good trip?"

"We did. Ginika showed us a great time. She's planning to pop over in a couple of weeks. I think she's just as addicted to Flora as you have become."

"I'm sure she is. It's grand that she's willing to come over. It's really not very practical for you two to go over there that often, is it" Celia responded.

"Flora was an angel on the flight. I thought that it would be really tough traveling with her on that long of a trip by myself but it was easier than I imagined. That said, I'm hoping Ginika comes often so we don't have to do it more than once a year."

"Just let us know when she wants to come and we'll give her our little flat so she's not underfoot. We can always go to the farm and give you both some space.

Caroline just smiled in response. "Want a top up?"

"No. How is Ginika coping with Kate's death? It can't be easy for her either."

"I think she's got it a good handle on it. She shared a lot of memories about Kate and I think it helped her to talk about Kate. I know it helped me. We laughed a lot and cried a lot but it was all pretty healing," Caroline reported.

"I'm glad to hear it. You do seem different somehow. I was worried about how you would cope being with her but I'm glad to see you looking more like yourself."

"You know Caroline, one of the good things about a long flight Down Under is that it gives one quite a bit of time to think. I used a lot of that time to reflect about you and your life. I want to start by saying that I am sorry I haven't always been as supportive as I should have been."

"Oh Mum."

"Let me just say that I love you and I am proud of you. I realized how brave you are to have gone after what you wanted with Kate and how you have stepped up to the challenges that have been thrown at you these last few months. I felt guilty that I didn't say that to you before we left."

"Well there was a lot going on back then with the wedding and everything," Caroline replied while wiping a tear from her eye.

"Alan and I talked about a lot of things on this trip and thanks to him, I think I fully understand how badly I reacted at times to your being that way inclined and I think it won't happen again. I just want you to be happy."

"Ginika talked long and hard with me about her wanting me to be happy too," she said as she squeezed Celia's hand. "It means a lot to me that both of you are showing me this support."

"If I've learned one thing from Alan's heart condition, it's that life's too short to not be happy," Celia said.

"Well, with that being said, I need to ask if you remember Nicola Moffatt; she and I were in school together." Caroline paused and waited for Celia's response.


	19. First Crushes

"Nikki Moffat? Wasn't she your lab partner? Scrawny thing if I remember her correctly," Celia recalled. "Didn't she come round a couple of times while you two were working on your final science project?"

"Yes, that's her. She was seated with us on the flight home. I don't think I'd seen her since I left for University but we had a grand time catching up."

"Don't tell me she is that way inclined too?"

"Well…" Caroline began.

"I wonder what was in the water back then," quipped Celia.

"Mum, what happened to being supportive?"

"I am supportive. But that doesn't mean I can't comment does it?" Before Caroline could reply Celia continued, "So what are you saying?"

"Well, apparently she had a crush on me back then and I had a crush on her as well but we never knew it."

"So what does this mean? Are you going to start dating her?"

"Truth be told, I spent last weekend with her at Wimbledon. Her company was a sponsor and she had tickets and a suite. It was all very respectable and we had separate bedrooms. It was a grand time and it made me feel like I'm coming to life again. I don't know where it's headed but I think I need to find out," Caroline said while fidgeting with her teacup.

A long silence rose up between them as Celia stood to put her cup in the sink. She then turned back to give a long glance at Caroline and eventually smiled down at her as she did so.

"I'm glad you're sitting down as you may not believe what I'm about to say," she began. "Did I ever tell you that my first crush was on Alan?"

"No, but I guess I kind of assumed it might have been," said a perplexed Caroline.

"When I think of all the time we could have been together had I been brave enough to send him a second letter, it makes me sad. This is the happiest I've ever been, aside from having you that is. If you had half the crush on Nikki in school as I did on Alan, then I say go for it. Maybe it will be a case of 'like mother, like daughter'. You never do get over your first crush and sometimes you shouldn't," said a still smiling Celia. Caroline met her eyes and noticed a softness she couldn't recall seeing in them for a very long time.

"I'm glad I was sitting down too or the shock of that would have knocked me over," said an emotional Caroline. "You never fail to amaze me."

"So when are you seeing her again? I think you should invite her round so I can give her my stamp of approval. I mean, if she's going to be around my Flora …" she commented before Caroline interrupted her.

"Mum, I want to spend more time with her to see where this is going before I have her and Flora be together again. She was lovely to her on the plane but I really don't want to rush things too fast for Flora's sake."

"Well you know best. Just let me know how I can help with Flora when we're not at the farm. I just want you to be happy Love."

As Caroline rose to put her cup in the sink she heard Flora waking from her nap over the baby monitor.

"I'm going to go check on Alan while you get Flora. We'll talk more later; I'll be back to cuddle Flora. I've missed her too and have lots of lost time with her to make up for. It's good to be back."

Caroline just shook her head in disbelief as she watched her mum head back to the granny flat. Once she was out of sight, she headed for the stairs for her own cuddle with Flora. She loved the clingy softness and the sweet smell of the child when she was just waking from her naps. She knew these days would be fleeting and she was determined to savor them while they lasted.


	20. Cheers to New Beginnings

Nicola made a concerted effort to not call Caroline everyday as she didn't want to scare her off by seeming too keen but it was killing her to not hear her voice everyday. She was already addicted to the beautiful blond who she recognized consumed all her waking thoughts and some of her racier dreams as well.

By Thursday lunch, Nicola was glad to have a chance to catch up with Angela; she hoped she would help calm her nerves and help slow her roll.

"You've really got it bad for her, don't you? You look like you haven't slept for days," Angela remarked as she stood ahead of Nicola in line.

"I close my eyes and I see her face. I sit at my desk and all I want to do is talk with her. I can't get her out of my mind as I just want to be with her all the time. What am I going to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to give her the time and space she needs but I also want my life with her to begin like yesterday. I've never felt this strong a pull to anyone before," Nicola explained.

"Are you sure it's not just the chase you are enjoying," she questioned while stepping up to the counter to order her lunch. As she waited for her salad and drink to be placed on the tray and handed to her, she turned back to Nicola again and listened while she ordered her meal.

Silently they carried their trays to the cashier and then made their way to a table. As they were settling in, Nicola finally responded, "That's so not my style and you know it. I've only ever done long-term relationships and that was after really taking my time to get to know the person. Somehow this is just different."

"I'm surprised after all you told me about how things ended with Pat that you are up for something serious and long-term. If I were you, I'd play the field for a few years."

"It's funny. I was battered and bruised and certainly wasn't looking for a relationship when I bumped into Caroline but I haven't been able to get her out of my mind since. I just feel this instant connection to her. Maybe it's that we go way back in time and space but I think it's just that she is Caroline and I've never forgotten her. Know what I mean?"

"She is beautiful and she seems like the whole package but she also seems guarded. I think there's something to be said for your history with her but let's be honest; you don't know that much about her life these past 30 years just as she doesn't know about yours. Slow and steady my friend. I think that's the prudent thing to do. If you go into this relationship making assumptions about who she has grown to be and what she needs, then it could be a recipe for disaster. Take your time and enjoy the ride," Angela cautioned.

"I'll do my best but you might have to help remind me to put the brakes on from time to time when my heart gets ahead of my mind," she said while digging into her salad. "That's enough about my love life. Tell me how are things with Madeline. Did you really meet her for breakfast on Sunday or did you nudge her?"

"Do you really think I'm the kind of girl who would kiss and tell?" she responded with a wink. "Why don't you just ask me how she likes her eggs while you're at it?"

"That's a classic evasion Angela but it tells me all I need to know. Now I'm just wondering if you've got it bad for her as well."

"We had a great time and we're going out tomorrow night again. I've admired her from afar for a few months and I am hopeful about where this might go as well."

Nicola picked up her iced tea and clinked her drink to Angela's and said, "Cheers. Here's to hopeful new beginnings for both of us."


	21. You Had Me at Massage

While Caroline was coming down the stairs carrying a basket of dirty laundry the cell phone in her pocket started to ring. She waited until she reached the bottom of the stairs to shift the basket to one hand and answer the call with her other. She smiled when she saw Nicola's name appear.

"Hello there."

"Hi Caroline. I just wanted to hear your voice. What are you doing?" Nicola inquired.

Caroline was now making her way to the washing machine. She put the basket on the floor in front of it and replied, "Living the dream. How about you?"

Nicola was turning off her computer and tucking her chair under her desk. She did a final sweep of her office to make sure she wasn't leaving anything behind she needed to review before Monday. "About the same. I'm just wishing we had plans for this weekend. Seriously, what are you up to?"

"I'm afraid that if I tell you, you'll think my life is far too glamorous," she responded with a chuckle. "I'm sorting Lawrence's dirty laundry and trying to decide if some of it should just be tossed as I suspect no amount of bleach will ever make it white again. A couple of weeks away at rugby camp and everything is the color of mud. I think some of his clothes could stand up on their own."

"It may sound funny but I remember and sort of miss those days. When the kids would come back from summer camp they would actually sit and talk with us for the first day or two until they remembered they were too cool for that sort of thing. Did he have a good time?"

"I think so but frankly he's barely taken his head out of the refrigerator long enough to tell me about it."

"How did Flora make out at the doctor yesterday?"

"Perfect. She's right on track for this well visit. She got one vaccine. Seems like she's tolerating it well—no fever like the last time. How's your dad?"

"We had his care conference the other day and he's holding his own. Apparently there is a female resident on his floor who sits and reads to him most afternoons. I think it's been good for him as he hates daytime television."

"That's sweet. What do you think about it?"

"He used to be a big reader and now he can't hold a book still enough to read so it's a win-win," she reflected. "Can you break away tomorrow to meet for lunch somewhere?"

"Much as I'd like to, I don't think so. Lawrence has been away for a while and I really should not abandon him his first weekend home," she replied with disappointment in her voice. "He's already given me his lunch and dinner requests for the next two days. While I'm not always sure he loves me, at least I know he loves my cooking."

"I figured it was a long shot but you can't blame a girl for trying, " an equally disappointed Nicola responded.

"I've been thinking about our next planned get together in two weeks," Caroline said. "I know we said it would just be a day trip, but I found a little spa there and thought it could be fun to stay overnight and treat ourselves to massages. What do you think?"

"Can you get away that long," Nicola asked, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"Greg's parents were so thrilled with their visit with Flora that he's asked if I mind him taking her again. I think it's what Kate would have wanted so I've said yes. Lawrence is going out of town with Angus' family that weekend so my schedule is suddenly open. What do you say?"

"You had me at massage. Do you think we can get in at this late date?"

"Let's hang up and I'll see what I can arrange. I'll ring you back with the verdict," a buoyant Caroline suggested.

"I'm about to get in the car to head home. Why don't you email me the details and I'll ring you back later to say goodnight."

"Deal. Talk to you later."


	22. Finding the New Normal

The following Monday morning, Caroline made her way to Sulgrave to sort through her mail and start organizing things for the upcoming start of school. She had been there a couple of hours when she heard someone stir in the outer office. Within seconds she heard Beverly call out, "It's just me Caroline. I saw your car as I was driving by and thought I'd pop in to see how you are."

"What a nice surprise. How's your summer going," Caroline greeted her.

"It's been flying by. Can't believe it's almost over. How are Flora and the boys?"

"Everybody's fine. Flora's home with Greg and Lawrence was still sleeping when I left. He just got home from rugby camp and has been sleeping when he hasn't been busy eating. How's your lot?"

"Everyone's good. We've had a bit of excitement though. Gwyn has gotten engaged and they want to get married quickly so she can go on a mission trip with him to Ghanna in six weeks. Normally I'd say it's too much to pull off so soon but we rolled up our sleeves and got all the plans in place in a couple of days."

"Wow. Gwyn is getting married already? How can she be old enough? Seems like she just left for University a year ago."

"I agree. But she and Gareth have been dating since their first year and we just love him. It's been a five year courtship so we can't say they don't know what they want."

"Well congratulations. Sounds like your summer has been more work than vacation with all that planning. How does it feel to be the mother of the bride," Caroline inquired.

"Overwhelming. The good news is that we found a lovely little hotel for it so the staff there are making the planning so much easier than if we had to do it all ourselves. It'll be in Nottingham as it's halfway between here and where the groom's family lives. I'd love it if you could come. You've watched her grow up these last ten years or so."

"I'm touched and honored. Can you get me the details so I can book in somewhere?"

"I'll get you the details via their wedding website. Can you imagine that a wedding website is the thing now? Given the short notice, I suspect it will help make the planning a little easier as well."

Caroline just shook her head and laughed in response. She knew that for all her grumbling, Beverly was in her element juggling all the details. She didn't know anyone more capable of such a challenge than her reliable assistant.

"Can I help with anything," Caroline offered.

"I think we're good. Just respond as quickly as you can when you get the invite so we can get our head count set. The best thing about this happening so quickly is that I have no time to be wistful about it all," she replied with a smile.

"If you don't mind me saying, you look good Caroline. How are things?"

"Good. Actually I think I've gotten a handle on it all and am starting to really put one foot in front of the other again," she began. "I don't think I ever properly thanked you for helping me through last semester. It's still such a blur but I'm sure I couldn't have survived here without you."

Beverly swallowed hard and said, "Thank you Caroline but there's no need to say anything. We were all just so sorry about …"

"I know," Caroline said to cut her off. "This place isn't quite the same without Kate in her classroom but we'll find our new normal, won't we?"

"I guess we will. What about you? Are you finding your new normal at home?"

"Surprisingly, yes. If it weren't for Flora I think I'd have gone completely around the twist but we're moving on," she reflected.

"I'm glad to hear it. I'm also sorry but I've got to run. I'm supposed to meet Gwyn in a few minutes. Apparently there is endless shopping that comes with wedding planning. I'll email you the wedding website tonight. Ta."

"Good to see you. I'll look forward to it and give Gwyn my best wishes," Caroline said as she turned back to her correspondence. Then it hit her. Shopping. She needed to do some shopping before the spa getaway with Nicola. She looked at her watch and decided to call it a day and make her way to the shoppes.


	23. Spa Day

As Caroline set off to meet Nicola for their spa weekend, she was equal parts nervous and excited. They were lucky enough to get a cancellation otherwise there would have been no room at the inn; but the problem was that it was only one room, not two or a suite. Caroline just wasn't sure if she was ready to share a bed with Nicola, even if they were able to restrain themselves. She also wasn't sure she wanted them to completely behave.

Because she knew they would be sharing a room, she spent the better part of Monday afternoon shopping for some new intimate apparel, just in case. The shopping spree was prompted in part because of the weight she lost since Kate died but primarily because all the lingerie in her drawer was too connected to her memories of Kate and she wanted to keep it that way.

When she came home with a few new pieces, she took the ones Kate loved, wrapped them in tissue paper and boxed them away with a few other keepsakes. She had a good cry as she did so but she eventually felt lighter from having tackled the challenge she had been putting off for months.

Then she poured herself a healthy glass of red wine and had a think about the next step for her and Nicola. She felt they really connected at Wimbledon and was looking forward to spending time with her again. She could feel herself becoming vulnerable to her and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do about it.

She actually spent the week pondering the dilemma and finally decided to just try to relax and let things progress at whatever pace felt comfortable at the time. She was trying to take a page from Gillian who kept telling her to just live a little.

This time Caroline arrived before Nicola. She decided to wait for her in their room as the lobby was full of rambunctious women on a hen party weekend. Nicola arrived within a half hour of her. Caroline opened the door as soon as she heard the key going into the old fashioned lock. She was instantly struck by how radiant Nicola looked. Nicola pulled her into a big hug before saying, "You've no idea how much I've missed you." Caroline responded with a long kiss, feeling thankful Nicola brought only one bag and therefore didn't need a bellboy to help her carry her things to the room.

"I've missed you too. Who knew three weeks could go by so slowly," a flushed Caroline said.

"Was it only three weeks? It felt longer to me," said Nicola as Caroline leaned in for another kiss.

"Did you see the hen party in the lobby?"

"Yes. That could really change the quiet weekend I was hoping for, but it looked like they were having a lot of fun," said Nicola.

"Indeed. But it makes me think we should go into the town center and find a place to have lunch instead of staying here. We have three hours before our massages. What do you think?"

"I think I need to switch to my walking shoes. But first I want to pop into the loo."

"How about I go down to the lobby and ask at the desk for a recommendation. Just come down when you're ready."

"I'll see you in about five minutes," she responded while unzipping her black Kate Spade weekender bag to dig out her shoes.

Caroline watched Nicola walk down the staircase without knowing she was being watched. The sight took her breath away. She could picture Nicola in her school uniform bounding down the steps between classes. She thought she was such a natural beauty back then and time only seemed to make her more beautiful. It was a thought she kept to herself as they headed out of the Inn.

Because neither wanted to eat anything too heavy before their massages, they made their way to a quaint cafe that was known for hand carved sandwiches on homemade bread. They talked non-stop through the meal, filling each other in on their drives at first and then moving on to share the latest work related stories. Caroline was struck by how they just seemed to pick up right where they left off the last time they were together.

They decided to meet in the fitness room for a soak in the hot tub after their massages. Nicola couldn't remember when she felt so relaxed. They were pleased to see the hen party had moved on from the fitness area and it was just the two of them after their massages. They slipped into the hot tub and sat across from each other, both grinning from ear to ear.

"If anyone told me back in 1982 that I'd be sitting in a hot tub with you now I would have asked them what they were smoking," Nicola said to keep things light between them, resisting the urge to stroke Caroline's leg under the water.

"Hmmm. I know what you mean. I guess it's time I admit that I had quite the crush on you back in school," Caroline shared.

"Really? I use to daydream about you in study hall," Nicola admitted in return, finally taking Caroline's right foot in her hands to massage it.

"Did I tell you that I told my mum about seeing you again? I worried about her reaction as I think I told you she runs hot and cold about my lifestyle but she was surprisingly supportive and remembered you fondly. Perhaps she's mellowing in her dotage but I think it's because Alan is rubbing off on her. He's a kind soul," she said trying to keep her mind off the sublime contact.

"I told my dad about seeing you again too," replied Nicola. "He is pretty reticent about my life choices. It took my parents a long time to accept Pat. I think that was part of why I stayed in the States after grad school. Out of sight and out of mind made it easier for us to have a relationship. I think now he just accepts things because he needs me."

Caroline was both saddened and relieved to hear that Nicola's path with her parents was similar to hers. She wanted to share how Kate's parents were accepting and supportive to underscore how that made her feel when her mum got up on her high horse but the last thing she wanted to do was talk about Kate too much. Although Nicola seemed respectful of Kate and very patient whenever she came up in conversation, she didn't want Nicola to feel there was a third person with them in the hot tub.

"I think our parents were just of that generation that lived by the 'don't ask, don't tell' mantra," Nicola continued as she switched to massaging Caroline's left foot. "If you don't mind me asking, were Kate's parents supportive?"

"Yes, they were to Kate. While I was visiting her, Ginika shared the story of how Kate came out to her and told me how they did struggle a bit with it but were careful not to let it show to her. It was interesting to hear her version of it as Kate never knew what her parents thought when they were alone. She was very lucky in that regard and I was always a little jealous of her relationship with her mum. I think it was hard for her to understand and accept how my mum reacted at times because of how accepting her parents were."

Nicola reached over to take Caroline's hand and gave it a supportive squeeze. Caroline couldn't help but marvel at how Nicola seemed to just read her mind at times and know what she needed.

"I think I'm starting to turn into a prune," Caroline said. "How about you?"

"I'm feeling cooked. How about we clean up and have a drink downstairs? Then we can decide if we want to stay here or find a quiet place somewhere else for dinner?"

Caroline nodded in agreement and said, "After you." Then she waited for Nicola to climb out of the hot tub in front of her so she could enjoy the view.


	24. Candlelight and Freckles

When Caroline and Nicola entered the bar area of the inn they were delighted to see it was empty. As the waiter placed their drinks in front of them, they inquired into the whereabouts of the hen party and were relieved to learn they were on a pub-crawl with a hired stretch limousine for the evening. That knowledge cemented their decision to dine in rather than go out and they settled in for what they hoped would be a quiet night.

About half way into the meal, Caroline suddenly realized how stunning Nicola was. Perhaps it was the candlelight or the half bottle of Cabernet, but it was more likely that for the first time since they reconnected, she was sitting squarely across the table from her and could study every smile line on her face, every grey fleck in her blue eyes and every freckle on her bare shoulders. Caroline loved the way her arms looked in her sleeveless cornflower blue dress. It was the most dressed up she had seen her and she liked it. Really liked it.

When they were on the plane, at Wimbledon and even at lunch earlier that day, Nicola was sitting to her side or they were in a group conversing with others. Now looking at her in the soft lighting without interruption, Caroline could finally take her all in. She noted that her skin was just a shade darker than her own, probably because she wore less sunscreen at Wimbledon than she did, and that she wore very little makeup because she didn't need it. The light freckles on her face just added to the warmth she exuded and she looked like she was glowing. Feeling a little flushed, Caroline realized she was becoming hopelessly smitten.

On the other side of the table, Nicola realized she was happy from the top of her head down to the tips of her toes and couldn't remember the last time she felt that way. She loved that Caroline made sparkling conversation and was so well read that her opinions were reasoned and thought provoking. She liked the mental challenge of keeping up with her in conversation and how they shared the same sense of humor.

While they conversed, Nicola found herself trying to memorize every nuance of Caroline's face. She loved the freckles that were peeking through Caroline's foundation and wondered if Caroline had more freckles than she did. The more time they spent together, the more convinced she was becoming that she wanted to spend the rest of her life counting and kissing every last one of them.

After the waiter cleared their dinner plates, he brought the dessert tray. Nicola selected the frozen lemon mousse with a fresh strawberry sauce and Caroline selected the hummingbird cake. She wasn't much of a dessert eater but wanted to prolong the meal as long as possible, feeling more than a little nervous about bedtime.

As they took their first bite of their sweets, Caroline asked Nicola to tell her about Angela. "She seems like a fun gal. Did you know her before joining Unilever?"

"No. But as we became friends, we realized we travelled in the same circles at University but never met. We have some friends in common."

"She seems very fond of you," Caroline remarked, trying to keep the jealousy she felt out of her voice.

"And I'm fond of her. She is my pressure valve at the office. When I need to let off steam, she's a safe person to do it front of. As head of HR, she gets it."

"I think I know what you mean but I also think I sense she has a little crush on you."

Nicola put her spoon down as she laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at that concept. First of all, she is head of HR and cannot date anyone within the company. That's my rule as well and always has been. It's one of those lessons I learned from my father and it's stuck. Second, she has a thing for redheads and is hopelessly in love with Madeline; she was that posh bird we chatted with at Wimbledon and I think they might be a good fit. Third, I only have eyes for a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed head mistress."

Caroline broke out into an embarrassed smile as she put down her fork to take Nicola's hand in both of hers. As they connected, she shyly said, "Shall we have a nightcap in our room?"

"I'll get our waiter's attention and get our bill," Nicola enthusiastically responded as she covered Caroline's hands with her free hand.


	25. Weathering the Storm

Nicola unlocked their door and entered the room before Caroline. As soon as Caroline closed the door behind her, Nicola turned and pinned her against the wall and kissed her fervently. Although she was very aroused, Caroline was instantly transported back to when she pinned Kate against the wall on their wedding night. The memory of it made her feel more than a little dizzy.

Nicola sensed her tense up and instinctively and gently released her. "What do we have for a nightcap?"

"I packed a bottle of scotch. If you prefer, I can go down to the bar and bring up something else," she suggested, hoping to buy some time to collect herself.

"Scotch is fine but I'll go down and bring up some ice."

Caroline opened her overnight bag to unpack the bottle of scotch and spied her new lingerie. She decided to head to the en suite to put it on, hoping that by doing so her nerves would calm down. Although she wanted this, she felt guilty about her desires and didn't know what to do.

As Nicola was heading for the ice, she tried to decide how best to cope with Caroline's clearly mixed emotions about moving their relationship to the next level. She fully understood Caroline's tensing up and wanted to make her feel supported. It was then that Nicola started feeling a bout of flop sweat coming on and realized she was nervous as well. She had been with Pat for a long time and felt that on some level she wasn't enough to keep Pat's attention. She decided she should slow things down a bit and talk with Caroline about her concerns and see if she could elicit Caroline's as well.

She returned to the room as Caroline was exiting the en suite.

"I'm sorry I tensed up back there. I'm sure you noticed," Caroline began.

"It's okay. I think we both understand that we each have some emotional baggage that gets a little heavy to carry at times. I think I was tensing up too," Nicola shared.

"You were? I guess I was so wrapped up in not wanting to disappoint you that I was only focused on my issues," Caroline replied. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes, but I think I'd like some of that scotch first," she said.

Caroline tightened the belt on her robe and cracked open the bottle. She poured two fingers worth of scotch for each of them as Nicola added the ice. They clinked their glasses together without any words and sat down facing each other on the settee.

"I think I've been so focused on supporting you as you move on from Kate that I forgot that I too am still moving on from Pat."

"Oh," said a shocked Caroline.

"No. That didn't come out right. Let me start again. When Pat cheated on me, it really rocked me. It made me feel very insecure and I blamed myself for her cheating, feeling I wasn't enough for her," she explained. "I guess I am feeling a little insecure and fear that I might not be enough for you. This has nothing to do with me wanting Pat back."

"Oh," Caroline said again. "That's…that's…no."

Nicola took a long sip on her scotch and waited for Caroline to find her words.

"Aren't we a pair? I didn't realize this room was going to be so crowded tonight or I would have tried harder to book us a bigger place," she said with a tender smile in an attempt to lighten the conversation. "I can't believe you are insecure. I am not comparing you to Kate at all. I'm just trying to not feel guilty about how much I care for you so soon after her passing."

"I get it. I really do. How about if we just hold each other tonight? When the time is right for both of us, we'll know and hopefully neither of us will feel any hesitancy."

"Sounds good. Why don't you get ready for bed," Caroline suggested as she drained the remains of her drink.

They turned down the covers and climbed in, meeting in the middle. They exchanged soft kisses and cradled each other until they both fell into a contented sleep.

At some point during the night, a thunder and lightening storm rolled in. They both were startled awake by a crack of thunder that sounded like it was directly overhead. A heavy rain immediately began to fall.

Caroline spoke first. "Wow. That sounded close. Are you okay?"

"Yes, but my heart is racing a bit from that thunder. Are you?"

"Hmmm. I always seem to be okay when I'm with you," Caroline replied and pulled Nicola to her for a kiss. Before either of them had time to think, the kiss deepened and progressed to the point that neither of them felt a bit of hesitancy whatsoever and neither heard the next crack of thunder.


	26. Poached

Caroline was the first to wake up. She was use to Kate already being awake by the time she opened her eyes each morning and was thankful to have a few minutes to herself to take her emotional temperature before having to face Nicola. What struck her first was a sense of calmness. What struck her next was a sense of awe; she didn't think it possible but Nicola was even more beautiful in the early morning light. She looked so peaceful that Caroline was afraid to move for fear of waking her. She was surprised and relieved she had no feeling of remorse or even guilt.

Within minutes, Nicola stirred beside her. Even before she opened her eyes, she reached over to confirm Caroline was really there and that what she remembered from last night was not a dream. Her lips curled into a smile instantly upon contact.

Caroline responded by wrapping her arms around her and whispering, "I'd better warn you that I could get use to waking up this way."

"Hmmm. Then I'd better warn you that I could get use to going to sleep that way," Nicola replied as their lips met.

"Let me go brush and I'll be right back. Can you hold that thought?"

"Only if you hurry," came Nicola's quick reply.

Caroline was surprised to find Nicola out of bed when she returned. "Me next. I'll be back in a jiff. Want to order some breakfast to be delivered to the room?"

"That's a capital idea," Caroline said with a smile. What Nicola didn't know was that room service breakfast in bed was Caroline's absolute favorite thing about staying in hotels. John hated it as he always thought it wasn't worth the added expense. As she dialed the front desk, she called out to Nicola, "How do you like your eggs?"

####

First thing Monday morning, as Nicola was still unpacking her briefcase, Angela darkened her door. "Well," was all the busy HR director said.

With a deliriously happy expression on her face Nicola said, "Poached. On an English muffin. Preferably with crab, asparagus and a little hollandaise. Just like me."


	27. Who Gives a Monkeys

Caroline was in her kitchen just about to start drinking her second cup of coffee Monday morning when Celia walked in.

"Morning Love. How was the Spa?"

"Morning Mum. It was lovely. When did you get back from the farm?"

"Just now. Alan has a doctor's appointment in about two hours so we headed out early. He was going in to read the Guardian so I thought I would check up on you and Flora."

"Flora's not here. She and Greg were to come back from his parents' last night but he didn't want to drive back in that rain so they stayed over another night to be safe. I expect them back around noon. Thought I would pop into school shortly to make next week's return a little easier."

"He really is very good with her, isn't he? To hear Ginika talk about him at the funeral I expected I would never like him but I have to admit I do," commented Celia.

"I didn't like him when I first met him but now I can't imagine him not being part of Flora's life, or mine really," Caroline admitted.

"Aren't you worried about him affecting your custody of her if you rely on him for full weekends like you've been doing when you go off to see Nikki?"

"No. I hadn't thought about that but I trust him. He's a good man. I do want her to have a relationship with him so we'll work something out when the time comes for him to move out."

"I hope you're right. So how are things with Nikki?"

"It's early days but she's good. Actually, I want your opinion on something. Gwyn, Beverly's daughter is getting married in a couple of weeks. The ceremony and reception are being held in a little hotel and I'm thinking of inviting Nicola as my plus one. I don't know who, if anyone, I know will be there. Do you think it's too soon for me to be seen with her? I honestly don't know what to do."

"Well, Kate was the mother of your child but you weren't married that long. Then again, there could be people from work there who may not understand. But there may be people there who will be happy to see you moving on. I expect a lot of them were very worried about you when she died. Then there's the question of how Nikki will feel about being in the situation of being judged by all and sundry who knew Kate. There's no easy answer. Sorry"

"Gee. I'm sorry I asked. Now I'm even more confused."

"Don't be. Talk it over with Beverly and see if she can give you any insight into the guest list. You trust her so see what she thinks. Then, if you think you want to invite her, talk it over with Nikki to see what she thinks. In the end, it's a decision for only the two of you to make and no one else. People will either accept your moving on or they won't. I say don't give a monkey's about what the others think."

"Who are you and what have you done with my Mum?"

'It's just that you look happy today and I suspect Nikki has a lot to do with that. It's something I like to see. Just don't muck it up with her or let anyone else muck it up for you."


	28. Responding Plus One

"Beverly! What are you doing here today? You're not due to report back until next week," declared a surprised Caroline.

"Gwyn and Gareth had to meet with the minister this morning so I thought I would come in and get a jump on my work for next week as I expect to be preoccupied with the final wedding details and didn't want to leave you too much in the lurch."

"Thanks for the wedding website. It looks terrific. I can't believe you have pulled this together so quickly."

"Will you be able to attend?"

"Actually, I was going to call you tonight to discuss something very delicate. Bring your tea and come have a chat," Caroline requested as she moved into her office. Beverly dutifully followed her and was all ears. So began one of the most heartfelt conversations they ever had. Caroline was relieved to hear that because the kids wanted to keep the wedding party on the small side, only a few members of the Sulgrave staff were invited and she believed the ones who were would respond well and make Nicola feel welcome.

"Personally, Caroline, I'm cuffed for you and I know most of the staff will be as well. You do realize word of your relationship will eventually spread. There very well may be a few Kate loyalists, like Michael Dobson, who may try to stir things up about Nicola when they learn of your relationship, but he isn't invited and we can quell him easily enough if he tries anything here in school. After all, it's been about six months and no one should be able to criticize you for starting to move on. I say bring her to the wedding; I can't wait to meet her."

"I can always count on you, can't I? Thank you. I'll see if Nicola can make it and let you know tonight. Now I need one more thing from you. I need you to go enjoy the rest of your summer break without worrying about this place. You held down the fort for me after Kate, so I've got this. Why don't I just see you back here after the wedding, not before?"

"Thanks Caroline but to be honest, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet here for now as I need a break from all the wedding planning. Let me finish a couple of things today and then I'll take you up on that offer," said Beverly as she headed back to her desk.

Caroline decided to wait until Nicola's workday was finished to invite her to the wedding but went ahead and booked a room at the hotel as a safeguard. Much later, after she gave Flora her bath and settled her into her crib, Caroline went in search of her mobile and called Nicola.

"Caroline, hi."

"Hi yourself. How as your Monday?"

"It's not how it started, it's how it ended that is important. Any day that ends with hearing your voice if I can't see you is a good one."

"Hmmm. I didn't know you were such a sweet talker."

"That's not sweet talk, that's the truth. How was your day?"

"Productive. I put in a couple of hours at work and think I am ready for next week, or at least will be by the time it gets here. I realized this morning that we failed to plan our next get together before we parted yesterday. So, what are you doing next weekend?"

"I'm in Germany part of next week but if all goes well I should be back Friday night. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, it's a big ask," Caroline warned before extending the invitation to the wedding to her. Not wanting to miss a single chance to see her, Nicola said yes without fully understanding all the implications. Pragmatic as always, Caroline spelled out all her concerns so Nicola would know what she was getting into. She decided that the only way to make a relationship work was to tackle the issues head on as they arise rather than ignore or internalize them and allow them to fester. That behaviour was the root of so many of the problems she and Kate had in their early days and she was determined not to make the same mistakes again.

A now enlightened and appreciative Nicola responded, "Wow. You really have put a lot of thought into this and I understand all your concerns. If you're game, I'm well up for it." She struggled to not let Caroline hear any hesitation in her voice but she was feeling the pressure of Caroline's fears.

"Great. I've booked us a room and I thought that perhaps we could meet mid morning, check in and then take a hike with a picnic basket into the forest since the wedding is later in the afternoon. What do you think?"

"I think next weekend just can't get here soon enough."


	29. Gwyn's Wedding

The days leading up to the wedding were frenetic for both Caroline and Nicola. Caroline was like a one-armed paperhanger at work without Beverly's assistance. Nicola not only had to travel to Germany, she had to attend meetings to prepare for her meetings in Germany.

By the time the day of the wedding arrived, both ladies were tired and in need of time to power down together. They had barely spoken because the phone connections from Germany were spotty. Nicola called Caroline Friday night to tell her she got home safely and they had a brief conversation about arrival times and clothes for the wedding. Caroline assured Nicola she had the picnic basket well in hand and then had to ring off to attend to Flora.

Caroline arrived before Nicola and decided to take a nap while she waited. She didn't hear Nicola enter their room or feel her crawl onto the bed beside her. Caroline woke about a half hour later and was surprised to see Nicola sound asleep to her left side. She leaned over to kiss her awake.

"Caroline. Mmmmm. I don't know how I fell asleep. I came in to find you in the Land of Nod and laid down in an attempt to wake you up without startling you. Last thing I remember was thinking how beautiful you looked while you were sleeping. I must have drifted off the minute my head hit the pillow. I'm sorry."

"You never need to apologize when I find you in my bed," the disheveled blond said as she scooped Nicola up in her arms.

"You do realize it's raining, right? Guess we can't go for that hike after all. What ever shall we do instead," Nicola teased. Caroline wasted no time giving her the non-verbal answer she desired.

After they woke for the second time, Nicola, in her best Yogi Bear voice, asked, "Yo Boo Boo. Where's that picnic basket? I'm starved."

"Oh, what a great idea. I think an indoor picnic is what I preferred anyway, if I'm being honest," a very satisfied Caroline said with a wink.

As they nibbled, Caroline filled Nicola in on all the people from Sulgrave she knew would be attending the wedding. There was so much detail that her head was swimming. In an effort to lighten the conversation she asked, "Is there a quiz at the end of this teach?"

"Yes, but if you play your cards right, I promise to grade on a curve," a now refueled Caroline said as she took Nicola's wine glass from her and leaned in to begin studying the curves of her new favorite subject again.

About fifteen minutes before the ceremony was to start, the ladies headed down to take their seats. Nicola fidgeted with her dress as her nerves were getting the better of her. Caroline, who was equally nervous, kept fingering her necklace. Neither was ready to be on display and felt very self-conscious as they walked to the party room. Fortunately, Beverly was by the door as they entered and gave them a hearty welcome. "I'm pleased to meet you, Nicola. I've seated you with my cousins rather than any of our Sulgrave colleagues. I figured you can mix and mingle as you wish during cocktails but you would get a break from them at dinner." Before either had a chance to respond, Beverly was summoned by her son and had to step away.

The service was lovely and the cocktail hour flew by. The Sulgrave staff in attendance swarmed Caroline and their curiosity was obvious but there was no air of disapproval to be found; they were kind and welcoming to Nicola. Caroline was relieved and felt the knot in her stomach go away by the bottom of her second gin and tonic.

The surprise of the evening happened when they sat down for dinner. Just as the speeches were about to begin, Beverly's cousin and her date rushed in to take their seats beside Caroline.

Caroline and Nicola were as amazed to see Madeline and Angela as they were to see the blondes. Their delay was caused by a small fender bender they had on the way to the wedding. Their delight at seeing familiar faces made them quickly forget the accident and settle in.

"How did I not know you were coming to a wedding this weekend Nikki," Angela pondered.

"It's because I haven't seen you since Monday a week ago and because I don't tell you everything," Nicola responded. "Then again, I didn't know you were going to a wedding either."

"What a small world," Caroline chimed in. "Let the party begin!"

"What we need is a little champagne to get things started," said Madeline to no one in particular as she rose to make her way to the bar.

As the reception rolled on, the four were in their own little world, talking, laughing and just plain enjoying themselves like they had been friends for years. Caroline was so relaxed that she forgot all about her colleagues from Sulgrave a couple of tables away. Had she looked over at them, she would have seen smiles and looks of approval caste in her direction. No one was more pleased than Beverly at the sight of Caroline laughing and smiling again.

By the end of the night, Beverly made her way over to Caroline's table and collapsed in the chair beside her. "Caroline. Caroline. I'm so glad you're here. Be happy Caroline. I want to see you happy." At that moment Caroline thought she sounded more like Gillian than her staid and reliable assistant and it made her smile to see her so relaxed.

At some point during the evening, Beverly lost her shoes and it was at that second she realized it. She called out to her husband, "Larry, where are my shoes?" He scooped them up from the edge of the dance floor and came over to her. As he bent down to put them on her feet, he said to Caroline, "I think I'd better take her up. She has clearly enjoyed herself more than usual tonight and I'll bet she'll feel it all in the morning." Then he turned to look at Nicola as well and added, "We hope you enjoyed yourselves. We're both so pleased you could celebrate with us Caroline and Nicola."

"Thank you both for including us. Nicola and I had a wonderful time. I expect we'll see at least one of you at breakfast. Do you need a hand?"

"No. I've got her. Night."

Caroline and Nicola said goodnight in unison and then chuckled at the sight of Beverly being all but carried out of the room by her husband. "I've never seen her like that before but now I really want to see her at breakfast to see what she remembers. It was fun to see her that free."

They then turned and said their goodnights to Angela and Madeline after making plans to meet for breakfast. As they walked to their room hand in hand, Nicola simply asked, "Nightcap?" "Yep," came Caroline's quick reply as the best part of their evening began.


	30. Breakfast with Beverly

Morning came far too quickly. Nicola and Caroline were regretting their plans to meet Angela and Madeline for breakfast as they didn't want to leave their cozy cocoon. They eventually dragged themselves down to the dining room where they found, to their surprise they arrived before the others. They settled in and ordered some coffee. As they were looking at the menu they pondered what type of shape Beverly would be in.

Angela and Madeline arrived within minutes, as did Beverly and Larry, and then the fun began. Madeline was all set to chide her cousin and was somewhat merciless about it.

"Good morning Cuz," she said intentionally at the top of her voice. "Do you need some sunglasses? You look like you're squinting, even in this low light. Oh my, I've never seen eyes that red before. I'm just sorry I've left my sunglasses upstairs."

Beverly just shot her a dirty look and put her hand on the top of her head like she was holding her hair in place. Despite Madeline's jovial enthusiasm, she and Larry decided to sit with them. As she sat, Madeline waved to the waiter and asked for a glass of the finest hair of the dog for Beverly. As the Bloody Mary was placed in front of her, Beverly finally spoke. "That's the last time I drink on an empty stomach. I was so busy running around yesterday that I guess I forgot to eat. Then people kept handing me drinks all night and before I knew it, the most painful sun was streaming in our windows this morning." As she raised the glass to her lips she caught a whiff of the drink which instantly nauseated her so she set it right back down without taking a sip.

"No worries Beverly, we've all been there," Caroline commiserated. "You might want to drink some water to rehydrate though."

"It was a great wedding," said Nicola.

"Glad to hear it. I remember the wedding. It's the reception that is a little fuzzy for me. Did I do anything embarrassing? Oh God. I hope not."

"Well, we have photos of you dancing on the table tops and singing with the band so hopefully they will help spark your memory. It was you getting a piggy-back ride from the groom that really seemed out of character for you though. You were the absolute life of the party. Can't imagine how you even have the energy to be up this early Cuz."

Beverly, who was already pale from her hangover, looked even paler as she tried to decide what, if anything, Madeline told her was true.

"I think some people were videoing you at the reception. Sadly my phone was out of battery. Angela, didn't you get some good footage," Madeline continued.

"Relax Honey, she's just teasing you. You were within bounds, most of the night," Larry reassured her. Beverly could barely manage a smile in response and didn't have the guts to ask him what he meant by the last bit of that sentence.

The waiter returned to take their order but she didn't think she could face a plate of eggs let alone watch the others eat. She excused herself, claiming the need to go in search of some pain relievers. Larry decided to accompany her as he was afraid she wasn't steady enough to get the key back in the lock to get into their room. The others chuckled as they left. Caroline asked the waiter to send some strong coffee and toast up to Beverly's room as a safeguard.

"I suspect that's the last we'll see of them for a bit," predicted Madeline.

"I never knew you had such a vicious streak," said Angela with a smirk. "She actually looked worse than I expected. Poor thing."

"Oh, if you only knew the times she laid into me when the shoe was on the other foot. This was a little retribution and was all in good fun," explained Madeline as their eggs arrived and they tucked in.


	31. Negronis and Mojitos

Wednesday night Angela and Nicola decided to meet for drinks to celebrate hump day and to recap the wedding weekend.

"I just have to say, Nikki, that the more I'm around Caroline, the more I like her. She seems less guarded than when I met her at Wimbledon," Angela said as she waited for her negroni.

"I think she is too. At times it seems like she's really opening up and relaxing into this relationship but at other times I'm just not so sure. I have to say I really like Madeline. I had so much fun with her. She's not at all like her first impression,"

Angela bristled a little at that remark. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought she was a little too posh and not quite down to earth enough for you at first but the way she teased Beverly at breakfast I can tell she's got a cracking good sense of humor. Can she take as well as she gives?"

"I certainly have no complaints."

The waiter finally brought their drinks but admitted he spilled a little of Angela's drink when he was bumped by a customer on the way to them. "I'll get you another round on the house. I'm sorry about that. This place is really packed tonight. Sorry for the delay too."

""Thanks, Jose. Yum. Please let the bartender know this mojito is perfect," Nicola said as she turned back to Angela. "So what's next for you two?"

"Well, you might think we're rushing it but we decided on the ride back to give living together a try when her lease is up in a few months. With a little luck, we'll settle in just before the holidays."

"Wow. That's a shock but I'm happy for you. I watched the two of you at the wedding and couldn't help but think how in sync you seemed. Guess you are more in sync than I realized. Good for you."

"How about you and Caroline? Where do you see the two of you headed?"

"I know where I'd like to see us headed, I'm just not sure how to get there. Our weekends are incredible but I'm wanting more. I can't always read her though. It was a big deal for her to take me to the wedding as a few of her and Kate's colleagues were there. I took it as a good sign that she was willing to acknowledge me in front of them but I'm more than a little worried about anyone reacting badly at her school when word gets around that she's dating again. I worry she's like a cat that can be easily spooked."

"Madeline said her cousin had nothing but high praise for her. She said Beverly would have her back with the staff. She's worked for her for quite a while and knows her very well. When I asked Madeline what she thought of Caroline, she said based upon what little Beverly has shared, she thinks she's aces and you're one lucky gal. Give her some time. If you really are that impatient though, just talk with her about what you need and make sure she does the same," she said pausing to take a sip of her drink and place it squarely back down on the cocktail napkin.

"Hmmm. How does one say that while the hotel sex is incredible it doesn't feel like the real world without offending or spooking her? Do you know that she never calls me Nikki and I've not seen Flora since the plane ride? Think I should be concerned that we're just in this little bubble with no sense of reality around us?" Nicola took a long sip on her drink until a mint leaf clogged her straw.

As she fiddled with her straw and drink, Angela leaned in and said, "Baby steps my friend. I think your first taste of reality was the wedding this weekend and lucky you got some hot hotel sex with it as well judging from the big plates of eggs you both devoured at breakfast."

"Okay, if you keep that up, I think I will have another drink. Where did Jose get to anyway?"


	32. Unexpected News

Caroline walked into the annual teacher's meeting that occurs on the eve of the students returning to school. Everyone was milling around getting biscuits and coffee or tea. When they noticed Caroline enter, they scattered for their seats in order to not delay her in getting right down to business. As she looked out at everyone, she felt a hole rip in her heart because Kate was not in her usual seat. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and bravely began, telling herself she had to keep her emotions in check and just power through the agenda.

"Good morning. It's so good to see all of you again. I hope you're all refreshed and ready for another productive year," she began.

She continued to talk about various housekeeping issues and some new school policies that were adopted by the governors in an effort to keep Sulgrave on the cutting edge. There were nods and smiles all around as she made the teachers understand how vital each and every one of them are to the students' success and Sulgrave's by extension. By the time she finished, she was focused on who was in attendance, rather than who was not.

Beverly was waiting outside the door for her as the meeting broke. She watched as many of the teachers approached Caroline. Eventually Caroline was able to slip out and was surprised to see Beverly waiting for her.

"Caroline, I got a call right after you set off for your meeting. Michael Dobson was in a very bad motorcycle accident on the way into school this morning. He was rushed into hospital and is still in the operating theatre. I don't know much more than that. His mum rang to let us know why he wasn't here and said she would keep us posted." The two ladies started walking back to Caroline's office.

"How tragic. Michael Dobson? I didn't realize he was missing. I guess I was just so focused on getting through the agenda. When did he get a motorcycle anyway?"

"I asked his mum the same question. She said he just got it a few weeks ago and was still getting the hang of it. Apparently his wife left him this summer and he had a bit of a mid-life crisis. She was downright critical of it and his actions but I think it was just her reacting to the shock of his injury."

"Did you get any details on the accident," Caroline asked as they entered her office.

"She said that she understands he lost control on a curve and hit a tree. Fortunately, there were no other people involved, just the tree. Sounds like the damage was very bad and he could lose his right leg. She doesn't believe he will be able to return to school for some time."

"Right. I suppose we should let the staff know and organize something for him. We also need to look into hiring a replacement as soon as we know his timetable to return. I'm sorry for him, I really am."

"Me too," replied Beverly, who was thinking to herself how Michael's absence would make life at Sulgrave so much easier for Caroline. "How did the staff meeting go?"

"Actually, it was pretty good, if I say so myself. Quite a few teachers approached me afterward with supportive and friendly comments saying they were happy to hear I was dating again and telling me how I looked like I had a good summer. I could tell some rumors are flying around about Nicola and me but I didn't see or hear anything negative. Right now I am wondering why I was so worried about how the staff would react. I hope it continues."

"I don't get to say it often so I'll say it now. I told you so," Beverly said with a triumphant grin. "I know you always thought everyone loved Kate more than you but you really do sell yourself short sometimes. You are Sulgrave and you inspire them all the time and in all ways so they are bound to be supportive."

Caroline was deeply touched by Beverly's kind words, so much so that she couldn't really respond but just cocked her head to the side and gave her a grateful smile.

"Right, so what's next on the to do list for today?"

"Gavin rang and said he wanted to see you at 11. I don't think it will be long but should I order in some lunch for the two of you just in case?"

"No. That won't be necessary. Just tell him to come straight in when he arrives. I'll be slogging through the files to see if we have anyone good on stand by who can fill in for Michael."

"Will do," replied Beverly as she took her leave and shut the door behind her.

About a half hour later Gavin knocked on her door as he pried it open just a bit to make eye contact with Caroline. "How are you Caroline? Did you miss me over the summer?"

"I always miss you Gavin. It's good to see you. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Well, it's a bit of a delicate subject I'm afraid. I need to talk with you about my meeting with the graduating class representatives about their class gift to the school."

"What? Why did they approach you? They usually meet with me," said a confused Caroline.

"That's the delicate part. It seems they want to do something to memorialize Kate but they didn't know how you would feel about it."

"Why that's lovely. Why were they afraid to come to me?"

"Caroline, everyone, even the students were fragile last year after Kate died. They were concerned you still might be too fragile so they came to me for my input and support."

"Well that's…that's. I'm not sure I have the words but I am touched that they want to do something for Kate and that they were so concerned about me in the process. Did they say what they have in mind?"

"They were thinking of planting a tree and putting a bench with a memorial plaque on it underneath."

"I think Kate would be touched."

"So will you give it your support? It means they will have to do some fundraising to accomplish it and they will obviously need to reveal the cause the money they hope to raise is to fund. Will you be up to some constant reminders as the year progresses?"

"I'm so touched that I'll be their biggest supporter. Wow."

"I'm pleased. I get the sense that the students need to do this for themselves as much as for you and Kate."

As Gavin left for his next meeting, Caroline collapsed back in her desk chair. It had been quite a morning. The two unexpected news flashes had her mind reeling. She decided to go out to grab a sandwich so she had a chance to clear her head. As she left, she gave a cursory "I'll be back shortly" to Beverly, who could hear her humming a happy tune as she went down the hallway.


	33. Your Place or Mine

"You sound tired. How was your day?"

"I am. Today was crazy. When I wasn't in meetings I was on conference calls. I never had a break to grab lunch. This might be just one of the crazier days I can recall," a very tired Nicola responded. "How was yours?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure but it definitely was one of the crazier days I've ever had."

"Why? What happened?"

"Well, remember I told you about Michael Dobson? He was the one who tried to blackmail me about my relationship with Kate. He pretended to be her friend but really only was her friend to see what he could get from her. He's a user and a loser in my book."

"Yes. I recall you going on about him when we were in Nottingham. I also remember trying to distract you to change the subject as he just sounded like an odious little twerp," Nicola said with a smile as she recalled their rainy afternoon in bed.

"That's the one. Apparently his wife left him this summer and according to his mum, he went out and bought a motorcycle in response. Anyway, he hit a tree on it as he was coming into work today. His mum rang to tell us he was in surgery and it sounds like he was hurt very, very badly. We were still waiting for an update at the end of the day but never heard back from her. I don't think that's a very good sign, do you?"

"Wow. No probably not. That's tragic."

"Yeah. But the weird part is that there were all sorts of rumors that started to float around about him after we got word of his accident. People are pondering whether he hit the tree on purpose. Some think he was about to be sued by a former student he allegedly had a dalliance with. Others think he had a mistress he got pregnant. Someone said his wife finally caught him in bed with another woman. Then there's my favorite one—his wife left him for another woman. Given that he tried to blackmail me about being gay, wouldn't that just be ironic?! The stories are all just so outrageous and no one knows what, if anything, is to be believed."

"A student? Wouldn't you have known about that before you hired him?"

"Yes. That one I don't believe and normally I wouldn't even repeat it but I just wanted to give you a flavor of all the nonsense that I heard today. My head is still spinning from it. I hope in the days to come we will learn what really happened."

"People don't usually gossip like that about people they like. I thought you said he was a popular bloke."

"I thought so but I got the impression today that people don't really like him as much as they are afraid of him. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks his full name is Michael Bloody Dobson. It's sad really as he is a talented teacher."

"So how's Flora? See what I did there? I changed the subject as I care more about you than him."

"Subtle. She's good. Greg is trying to teach her some sign language. I think it's ridiculous as she's clearly way too young but he's just so enthusiastic about it that it's funny to watch."

"So when am I going to get to meet the infamous Greg? And when am I going to get to see the gorgeous Flora again?"

"Is that your way of trying to wrangle an invite to Harrogate?"

"No. You could come here if you prefer. Would you be up for coming all the way to London rather than just meeting half-way one of these weekends?"

"Would you want Greg too?"

"That's up to you. I'm just thinking that I'd like to get to know the people who are with you when you're not with me."

"Can I think about it? I don't mean think about whether I'll come to you, I just mean whether I'll bring Greg along. To be honest, I'm not sure I want to share you with Flora yet, let alone Greg, as I love our alone time."

"I love our alone time too but I want to…oh I don't know what I am trying to say. After the crazy day you've had, let's just change the subject. I'm sorry."

"No. Wait. What's the matter? Just say it. I promise whatever it is, it can't be the craziest thing I've heard today. Seriously, what's going on?"

"Okay. I love our weekends too but the thing is that I want to see more of your life so I feel a part of it and vice versa. I'd like to introduce you to my dad and make some memories with you in my world as well as in yours. I've wanted to say that to you since before the wedding weekend but I just don't want to pressure you if it's too much too soon."

Caroline was silent on the other end of the phone. What Nicola, who was on pins and needles, didn't know was that she was reaching for her calendar. "Well, how's next weekend?"

"Seriously?" Nicola responded with a mixture of relief and unbridled enthusiasm.

"Seriously. Just one question though. Your place or mine?"


	34. What Will the Kids Say

"Caroline. What's up?" Sandy greeted her as she arrived in a flurry, running a little late. Caroline hated to be late. "I'm ready for you. Grab a smock and meet me over there so I can wash your hair."

"Good to see you Sandy. Sorry. I didn't expect there to be any traffic this time of day. How are you?"

"I'm good but tell me about Michael Dobson. What really happened there?"

"He developed a bad infection after his surgery and he just wasn't strong enough to battle it. I understand that when they removed the respirator, he hung on for about an hour before he flat lined. It's all so shocking and unbelievable, isn't it?"

"Between you and me, I cut his hair a few times until I asked him to go somewhere else. He kept hitting on me and wouldn't take no for an answer. I was right uncomfortable around him."

"I take it that you are not going to his funeral then," Caroline teased as Sandy took a towel to her wet head. Caroline rose and they moved to the hair cutting station.

"Wild horses couldn't drag me there. I assume you are going."

"Yes. I see no way out of it as his Head; it would look odd if I didn't go."

"So how are things with Nicola?"

"I keep saying it's early days when most people ask but since you've known about us from just about the beginning, I don't mind telling you that things are progressing pretty well. We've met up quite a few times and have started to get close. She's coming over for the first time this weekend."

Now it was Sandy's turn to tease. "Good for you! So is the reality as good as the fantasy then?"

"If you think I'm the sort of girl who would kiss and tell you are sorely mistaken," quipped Caroline.

"Wait a minute. Isn't this weekend Michael's funeral? What bad timing."

"Oh, that's not the half of it. The funeral is at the same crematorium where Kate's service was held. If I'm honest, I'm a little shaky about having to go back there so soon. Sadly, if I get emotional people will think it's because of Michael. Sorry. I know how bad that sounds."

Sandy turned the chair to give her access to the other side of Caroline's head but put it in a position where she could still make eye contact with her in the mirror.

"So will Nicola go with you on Saturday?"

"I haven't had a chance to talk with her about it. She's away on a business trip right now and there aren't good phone connections. The staff knows about Nicola but I don't think the students have a clue. Do you think it's too soon for the kids to see me with someone?"

"Why is that a concern?"

"Well, the graduating class has decided that their class gift to the school will be a memorial for Kate. She was so well loved. I just don't want to give them any reason to question the depth of my feelings for her."

"It's been quite a while since she passed. Don't you think the students might be happy to see you moving on?"

"I think you underestimate the imaginations and emotions of hormonal adolescents who are in love with the idea of love thanks to their raging hormones. I think they see me as a tragic figure, having lost her right after the wedding. If I make the wrong move, it could undermine my authority with them."

"Point taken. So what are you going to do?"

"I just don't know. I'm afraid I'm going to be sitting there remembering Kate's funeral and grieving her. It might be very uncomfortable for Nicola as well as for me if that happens in front of her. Then again, it would be nice to have her with me to keep me focused on the fact that it's Michael's funeral, not Kate's."

"I get it. What a really tricky situation," she said. Since she had no advice to give, she switched the subject. "How are the kids?"

"They are good. William's settled back into Oxford for his second year. He seems busier than ever. Lawrence has grown like a weed this summer and is no longer one of the shortest kids in his class so he's very happy. And Flora is just as sweet as ever. I started going to a swimming class with her every Tuesday night. It's been great fun. Ginika calls her "Love Bug" but I've started calling her my Water Bug. She's so adorable in her little swimsuit and seems so at home in the water. I wonder if swimming will be her sport. They didn't have anything like that when the boys were that age."

"Caroline! You do know what a water bug is, don't you? It's another name for a cockroach in the States," Sandy informed her as she handed Caroline's credit card and receipt to her.

"Oh no! I didn't realize that. Good thing no one else has heard me say that," an embarrassed Caroline confessed.

"I think that's your phone."

"It's Nicola."

"Answer it. Just call me when you're ready for your next appointment and good luck next weekend," Sandy called after her. She wasn't sure Caroline heard her as she was already diving into her phone call.


	35. Cold Feet

"Caroline. Hello."

"Nicola, what's wrong. I can hear it in your voice."

"The meetings have hit a snag and it looks like I am not going to get out on Thursday night as originally planned."

"Can you get out on Friday?"

"At this point, it's doubtful. They are asking us to stay into next week as everyone is anxious to keep the pressure on to close our negotiations. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's out of your control. I fully understand."

"I'm just disappointed." Truth be told, she was afraid that if the weekend didn't happen Caroline might get cold feet about having her stay over in Harrogate.

"So am I but there will be other weekends." Caroline had to admit to herself she was more than a little relieved. As soon as they agreed to Nicola coming to her place she started to worry about how it would feel to have another woman in Kate's house.

"Are you sure you understand? I guess I'm just use to Pat's penalty box every time something like this happened." She was looking to see if there was any subtext in Caroline's response.

"I'm not Pat so there's no penalty box here. It may be for the best anyway as Michael Dobson passed the other day and his funeral is Saturday. I have to go and at least you won't have to go with me now. Weddings can be fun even if you don't know the bride or groom but I imagine going to a funeral for a stranger would be cruel and unusual punishment."

"Sounds like I've made a narrow escape. Maybe my getting stuck here happened for a good reason," Nicola joked. "Should I say I'm sorry that he passed? Wait a minute. You didn't use his 'Bloody' middle name."

"It seems wrong now that he's passed. The party line is that he was a good teacher and did an excellent job with his Hands Across Europe project," she replied. She didn't know why but she didn't want to tell Nicola about how the funeral will be at the same place as Kate's so she instantly changed the subject. "Have you heard anything about your dad while you've been away?"

"Yes. I got an email this morning from his social worker. His fever is down and it looks like he's perking up. How are the kids?" She didn't realize there was more to the topic switch than just a concern about her dad and just wanted the conversation to continue as every cell in her body was missing Caroline.

"I'm glad to hear it. Lawrence is complaining about too much homework, William is asking for some extra money to be deposited into his account so situation normal with the boys. The big news is that it looks like Flora might be left handed."

"Was Kate a leftie like you?"

"Nope and neither is Greg. It will be fun to see if I'm correct."

"Much as I hate to, I should go. I've got a dinner meeting shortly. I'll check in with you tomorrow if I can get a signal. Thanks for understanding about this weekend. I'll make it up to you when I see you next."

"I'll hold you to that. Be safe. Hope to talk with you tomorrow. Night." She meant it when she said it.

"Night." Nicola felt more unsettled after the call but had to rush to her meeting and couldn't dwell on her fears.

In the end, Caroline attended the funeral alone and made it through without breaking down or even shedding a tear. She sat with Beverly and was able to focus on the people around her and what the speakers were saying and tried not to look at the casket that was in the same place in the crematorium as was Kate's.

In her Jeep after the service, she felt a tidal wave of sadness wash over her. She cried for Kate the entire way back to Conway Drive as she couldn't hold it in any longer. It was just like so many of her drives to and from Sulgrave after Kate's death. She always seemed to cry when she was alone in the car back in those early days.

She was thankful Nicola wasn't with her to witness her sadness. She knew logically that she wasn't cheating on Kate but at that moment, her emotions were at sixes and sevens about her deepening relationship with Nicola. As she turned the key in the front door lock, she found herself hoping she wouldn't hear from Nicola until she returned from her business trip; she wanted a little time and distance to sort out her feelings.

Nicola, on the other hand, was frustrated she couldn't get a decent phone signal on her mobile to call Caroline. She wanted an update on the funeral and was desperately missing her. She settled for sending her an email and was sad that no response was received in Caroline's usually quick fashion. She started to worry that something was wrong. She tossed and turned all night and by Sunday morning, she was glad she had meetings with her team to attend to help keep her mind off her worries.

Sunday morning, Caroline and Flora set off to the farm for lunch. Gillian and Robbie were in the hayloft when they pulled in. Robbie helped carry in all Flora's paraphernalia and then returned to the barn, leaving the ladies to their own devices.

"How was the funeral?"

"As dreadful as I expected but I made it through. Hoping things can get back to normal at Sulgrave now that he has passed. Everyone's been in limbo waiting to hear about his condition. It is sad but it's time to move on."

"It's a shame Nicola couldn't be with us today. I was really looking forward to meeting her. Seeing how Celia seems to approve of her makes me all the more curious. How's it going with her anyway?"

Caroline let out a big sigh. "Is it too early for a big glass of wine?"

"It's never too early for wine." Gillian poured them each a glass of white and then sat directly across the table from her and looked at her with a very concerned expression. "Talk to me Caroline."

"I don't know whether I'm coming or going with Nicola. Actually, that's not quite accurate. Everything was humming along until the funeral yesterday."

"What happened at the funeral?"

"It was at the same crematorium as Kate's and it just brought it all back to me."

"That's understandable. But why does that have to effect your relationship with Nicola?"

"Perhaps it's just too soon. I mean if just being back there can affect me like that, then maybe I'm just not ready for this."

"Caz, you can't be serious. Why the doubt now after the past few months? Of course you will miss Kate and long for what you had with her but you can't let that stop you from putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward with living."

"I don't want to blow it with her but I feel like emotionally I take one step forward and then something happens and I take two steps backward. Yesterday was a huge leap backward."

'It's understandable that you will have emotional setbacks but remember what Ginika said about the importance of continuing on with your life. Kate wouldn't want you to wallow in your grief."

"I know. I mean for a change I know all that in my head but in my heart I'm missing Kate more than I did before. Isn't that a change-up? For the longest time my head was holding back my heart."

"Caroline, your grief is going to ebb and flow. Just be careful you don't do anything in haste to jeopardize your relationship with Nicola in the process. From what I can tell, she's been very good for you."

"Believe me when I say the last thing I want to do is muck up anything with her but she's pushing for a bigger place in my world. Is it too much too soon?"

"I don't think so. Remember the last time you said you weren't ready for a relationship and then you and Kate hit that really rocky path? Don't spoil a good thing with Nicola or you might not get a second chance. Remember how desperate you were for a second chance with Kate?"

"I hadn't considered that parallel line but it's a good point. When I'm with her I can't believe my luck that we reconnected. Yesterday just loosed my moorings. You're right, I should not take any steps too quickly." Caroline was dumbfounded that Gillian seemed to know what to say and how to say it to calm her nerves. She realized that she seemed more self-assured and settled since returning from her honeymoon. It made her smile as she covered her hand and gave it a grateful squeeze. "So how is wedded bliss?"

"All I can say is that I'm glad Robbie gave me a second chance. Actually, it might have been like the fourth or fifth chance but it's been great so far, knock wood. Come on, let's take Flora out to look at the sheep with Calamity and then round everyone up to come in to eat."

The sun was coming into the top of the windshield of the Jeep as Caroline and Flora made their way down the lane of the farm back to the main road that would take them home. Instead of adjusting the sun visor to block it, Caroline looked straight at it and enjoyed the sensation. She was feeling brighter about things in general and realized it was the effect being with Gillian seemed to have on her of late.

She flipped on the radio and heard a song from her university days, _Through the Fire_ , by Chaka Khan. As she hummed along, she realized it made her think about Nicola, not Kate, and she decided that she would try to reach her after getting Flora down for the night so they could reschedule their weekend in Harrogate before her feet could grow cold again.


	36. Are You Trying To Seduce Me Mrs Dobson?

A/N: I'm not a fan of the author's note but on this one occasion I think it is fitting. If there is a theme song for this chapter it's the old Beatle's classic _I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends_. Or, to put it another way, a wise woman once said, "There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate." But I think what she meant to say is, "There is nothing better than a friend with chocolate unless it is a friend who lends a hand even after you eat her chocolate." I know I owe my friend not just my thanks but perhaps some chocolate too for helping out with this chapter.

###

"Excuse me. Mrs. Dobson?" Caroline's eyes narrowed and her lips drew into a tight line. "Yes. If you're looking for my eyes - perhaps? They're up here." Caroline adjusted her glasses in demonstration. Her shirt wasn't particularly low cut today, but Sarah Dobson didn't seem to let that stop her wandering gaze.

Michael's funeral had been somber, sobering. His wife's visit to her office to wrap up his affairs was proving to be even more so. She was a good bit older than he, and apparently not quite satisfied with her widowed status. At least that's what her focus on Caroline's cleavage seemed to indicate.

"Oh. Oh. No. I'm sorry. You're mistaken in your impression, Caroline." The frizzy red-head blushed and immediately looked up, and then over Caroline's shoulder. She cleared her throat before making eye contact again.

"It's Dr. McKenzie-Elliott." Caroline placed a wide smile on her face. "And I'm rarely mistaken."

"Well."

"Well - indeed." Caroline chuckled to herself; in her head already recounting the story to Nicola over a glass of pinot tomorrow night and watching her steel blue eyes dance with amusement and hopefully a touch of jealousy. "I've had Beverly assemble any papers you'll need from the school. And she'll be happy to let you into his classroom to collect whatever of his affects you'd like. We're happy to handle anything that's too much. I understand – it's a lot to take in."

 _'It's more than a lot to take in. It's everything.'_ Caroline remembered Kate's classroom. Her first visit back and her first step into the vast, sunny, dark wood mausoleum that screamed _Kate_ with every beat of Caroline's heart. She'd done it alone, cleared Kate's desk and shelves. Caroline preferred to fall apart completely without an audience. It was a Wednesday afternoon she never wanted to repeat.

Sarah remained oblivious to Caroline's wandering thoughts. "Beverly said she won't be back until half 4. Aren't you available?" Caroline's attempts at empathy feel short. Sarah was of singular purpose. The woman checked her tacky rose-gold wide-faced watch and tried again, clumsily enough. Caroline found her patience growing thinner. But not terribly so, as her morning had started off well enough.

"I'm not available, in fact. In any sense of the word. Tough luck there, _Mrs. Dobson_?" Caroline peered over the rim of her readers as she emphasized the last and frowned in pained confusion. The woman seemed to catch on quickly, but only when it came to matters involving logistics. As to Caroline's taken status and complete disinterest in the other woman, to that she seemed oblivious. _'I'd heard there had been trouble between them. I suppose I can put together the why for myself.'_

"That's too bad, you being taken." Sarah played at her hair, keeping her eyes on Caroline's this time instead of her cleavage. Her gold wedding ring and band caught the sunlight as it broke through the bare branches of the Elms in the courtyard. Apparently the jewelry was highly symbolic and little else.

"Are you _still_ trying to flirt with me?" This time Caroline stood. She'd had more than enough of this woman and her heavy perfume occupying her office. "You know I never gave Michael enough credit, if you're any judge of what it's been like for him at home."

Caroline began to walk toward her office door, hoping body language would be enough of a clue that she wanted shut of the woman. She didn't tap her foot but she stood with her arms crossed, glasses now folded into her hand.

"That's rather harsh." Sarah gave a wounded pout; it seemed to Caroline that she was truly surprised – and genuinely wounded - to have her advances declined. But she stood and took her cue. She was taller than Michael. Caroline sensed she'd out-sized her husband in several ways that weren't necessarily to his advantage. "We could be friends, at least, Caroline. I could use one right now; I thought you'd understand that. And I can be a very _good_ friend."

Caroline couldn't help it as she laughed out loud. With enough information to see the whole of it, Sarah's manipulations fell on deaf and jaded ears. "No. We could not be friends. Not at all, Mrs. Dobson. But I'll thank you right now for providing me and my girlfriend a good laugh. That's something I can always use."

It had taken the heat of the moment for Caroline to make that transition – to think of Nicola as her girlfriend. But she found as it rolled off her tongue that she quite liked it. Another mental note to mention to Nicola tomorrow. Perhaps one to save for the end of the evening as they settled in for a nightcap.

The woman frowned as she collected her bag and herself and strutted past Caroline to the door. She turned one more time before leaving, tossing out a final round from her salvo.

"You don't know what you're missing, Caroline."

"I think I've a pretty clear picture." Caroline offered another tight smile of dismissal; stepped forward and shut the door gently. She shook her blonde head and chuckled to herself. Bumping into Nicola on that plane had been a stroke of pure luck; a fact that became clearer by the day.


	37. Wow-Emotions-Cool

Caroline was exhausted from her unexpected visitor at the office and was relieved to get home. She had a lot to do to prepare for Nicola's visit the next day and she really wanted to shake off her close encounter of the strangest kind with Sarah Dobson. After she picked Flora up to kiss her hello, she went to pour some wine for Greg as well as herself to help her unwind.

"So Caroline, are you ready for your company," asked Greg with all the usual breeziness in his voice. His genuine interest in everything made Caroline smile on this occasion because she could tell he was being supportive.

"I am but right after supper I need to do a little cleaning and actually start the prep for tomorrow night's dinner. She's driving down in the afternoon so she'll arrive about the same time I get home from school." She collapsed on a stool at the counter and watched Greg toss the salad. "Can I help with anything?"

"No. You just relax. Are you sure you want me around this weekend? I could always take Flora to my place or to my parents' to give you some privacy." He reached for a dishtowel to wipe his hands.

"I appreciate the offer but I think it's time for Nicola to see what our life on Conway Drive is really like and I want her to get to know you too. I hope you'll like her."

Her use of the word "our" caught him by surprise but he was hesitant to say anything about it. "Caroline, I do like her already," he said with his back to her as he was placing the bread and salad on the table.

Caroline took a sip and looked him in the eye as he turned around. "How can you say that when you've not met her or even spoken to her?"

"I'm not blind you know. I know I seem all kinds of kooky and self-absorbed at times but I see how much happier you've been since your weekend at Wimbledon. There's no question that she's been good for you."

"You never fail to amaze me Greg. Do you realize you've really become one of the family? I don't know how I could have made it through the past few months without you and I think it's long overdue that I tell you how important you are to Flora and me. Actually, I'm hoping you and Nicola get a chance to get comfortable with each other this weekend as I'm hoping neither of you are going anywhere anytime soon."

Greg didn't know whether to hug her or just go on with getting the meal on the table. Then he realized Caroline had a tear in her eye. He stopped what he was doing at the stove and gave her one of his cheesier smiles. "Wow. That means a lot to me. If I'm honest, I'll admit that I've been a little concerned about your still needing me if you and Nicola, well you know."

To his surprise, Caroline rose and gave him a hug. As she pulled back, she looked him in the eye and said, "Greg, you'll always be Flora's father. I promise you that if you want to be, you will always be front and center in her life along side of me, regardless of who else I share my life with. I know that is what Kate would have wanted and it's also what I want."

"Wow. Emotions. Cool," he said because he was a little too choked up to say anything else. He was so use to playing the happy-go-lucky, overgrown kid, and it was because he wasn't good at being serious or handling emotional situations. But at this moment, it was the most grown up he ever felt, except maybe for when Kate died. Ever since she passed, all he wanted to do was be a part of Flora's life and he was thankful for Caroline's unexpected words which made him feel validated. It was at that point he realized that being in Caroline's life meant a lot to him as well.

Feeling the need to lighten the conversation, Caroline said, "I think I'll go change Flora's nappy before we eat. Any idea where Lawrence is? I'd expect the smell of that roast chicken would have him biting at your heels about when dinner will be served."

"Actually, he went up to clean his room so it would look more presentable for Nicola this weekend. I promised him dinner would be on the table as soon as he finished. He should be down any minute."

A dumbstruck Caroline couldn't believe her ears. "How…how did you manage that?"

"I have my ways. We also had a little chat and I think you'll find him on his best behavior this weekend too."

"Thank you. And I mean thank you."


	38. All In

"Hey there. Sorry I didn't get to check in with you before I left. Did you get them?"

"I assumed you stopped by and I missed you. My meeting ran long. Yes, I got them. We're looking forward to it," Angela said with a conspiratorial tone in her voice. "So where are you Nikki?"

"I'm about an hour outside of Harrogate. Thank Heavens for the sat nav. Send me a photo of them please so I can show her."

"Will do. How's the new car?"

"It rides and drives like a dream. I'm pleased so far. Of course trying to park this thing is ridiculous," said Nikki as she checked her rear view mirror.

"I still can't believe you got rid of that cute Jag convertible for a four door. What's Caroline going to say?" Angela loved that classic car that had belonged to Nikki's parents; she knew it was unreliable but envied it all the same.

"I'm a little nervous about what she will think but I figured if I asked her for her opinion beforehand she might get spooked. I just couldn't think about hauling a family around in that car even though I loved it since I was a kid. When I was with Pat I had my little sports car and she had the family van which I refused to drive. I'm not going to do that to Caroline. This time I want to be all in."

"I hope she knows how lucky she is that you care so much. I bet that if it weren't for Jaguar coming out with the F Pace you would still have that little vehicle."

"Hmmm. I'm not going to justify that with a response." Nikki said with a laugh. She loved the back and forth banter with Angela; only a good friend could know her so well.

"So are you ready for this reality weekend?" Angela twisted the cord of her office phone around her right index finger as she talked.

'Ready or not, here it comes."

"What's on the agenda?"

"Actually, we decided to play most of it by ear. She's cooking tonight and I said I wanted to cook for her tomorrow night. Sunday her family will come over for an early brunch before I head home. I think I'm going to meet everyone who's anyone. I've heard so much about this cast of characters it should be interesting." Nikki put her turn signal on and changed lanes to get around a slow driver.

"How can you seem so calm about everything? I think I'd feel like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs if I was going under the microscope like that."

"She tells me that everyone is supportive of her dating again and I already know her mum. I can't wait to get to know Flora better. I'm just worried about how she will feel with me being in Kate's bed."

"That's what I'm talking about. Just take your cues from her and give her space if she needs it. I'll bet she's already thought about having to face that issue and has a plan. Good luck and have fun."

"Will do but please keep your phone close in case I need you this weekend and don't forget to send me that picture. Bye."

"You'll be fine but I'm here if you need me. Bye."

Nikki noticed the cloud cover getting thicker the closer she got to Harrogate. A light rain started to fall as she navigated her exit off the motorway. She hoped that wasn't an omen.

The rain was still falling when she pulled into the drive. Caroline pulled in minutes before and was on the lookout for her as she wanted a chance to greet her alone outside. Nicola was relieved to see that she had the biggest grin on her face as she opened her front door.

"New wheels?" It wasn't what she expected to say in greeting, but she was stunned to see the shiny white car that made her Jeep look a little dated and small.

"I thought it was time for a grown-up car. I wanted something more reliable than the old Jag. Do you like it?"

"It's gorgeous. I never would have pegged this as your style though. Wow. It's got that new car smell." Caroline wondered what was really behind the purchase but didn't ask. She knew Nicola had a penchant for convertibles so this was definitely out of character for her.

"Enough about the car. Come here and give me a proper hello," she said in an attempt to change the subject. Caroline dutifully melted into her arms as all her nerves about the weekend settled down.

She helped Nicola carry in her bags. Although she was curious why she had two of them for just a two-night stay she didn't ask. After introductions were done, Caroline asked Lawrence to take the bags upstairs, but before he could do so, Nicola stopped him in his tracks as she had presents in the one bag for everyone. Lawrence received a classic, collectible Spiderman comic book that instantly made him smile and Greg received a classic Dick Tracy comic book. They quickly took their leave to go devour their comics together, leaving the ladies and Flora alone.

"I have something for Flora too," she said, reaching into the bag and pulling out a large gift-wrapped square box. Caroline opened it to reveal a Beatrix Potter set of plates that looked both old and pristine at the same time.

"If I didn't know any better I would say these are original issue. They are beautiful. Where did you find them?"

"Well, they were mine as a child. I discovered them when I was cleaning out the folks' house last year and kept them for sentimental reasons. Ever since I met Flora I have wanted her to have them."

Caroline was touched. So much so that she leaned over to kiss her. "You're very thoughtful. Are you sure you want to part with them since they are a part of your childhood?"

"Absolutely. I have something for you too," she said as she retrieved the last package from the bag. "It's just a silly thing I wanted you to have."

As Caroline opened it, she found a robe from the spa they stayed in the first time they made love. "It's not a silly little thing at all, it's a very thoughtful," she replied, swallowing hard to remove the newly formed lump in her throat. She didn't realize Nicola was so sentimental, but the gesture made her feel loved and it was a feeling she wanted to get use to again.

They moved into the kitchen so Caroline could check on dinner. "Would you like a glass of wine?"

"You bet. What a great kitchen, Caroline. It has such clean lines and just seems like you. Did you design it?"

"Yes. It's one of the main reasons I didn't want to sell the house after the divorce. I struggled so much to keep it but lately I've been getting into a head space where I am thinking of selling it after Lawrence goes off to college. I realize it's much bigger than I need, particularly now that Alan and Mum are spending more time at Gillian's."

"Well, I wouldn't make any rash decisions. It's a beautiful place and I sense you've been happy here."

"I have but I've come to realize it takes more that just a house to make a home."

"Hmmm. Do you need help with anything?"

"I think dinner is about ready. Why don't you call the boys in and I'll get everything to the table."

As they settled into the salmon dinner Caroline prepared especially for Nicola, Caroline sat back in her chair and listened to Nicola and the boys getting to know each other. She noted how at ease everyone seemed from the get go.

"Nicola, I'm dying to know what Caroline was like back in her school days. What can you share?" Greg was his usual inquisitive self.

"Please call me Nikki, Greg. Everyone does." Before she had a chance to answer, Caroline put up a bit of protest about being the main subject of conversation. Completely ignoring her plea for leniency, Nicola responded, "If you think she was a serious, hardworking, teacher's pet, well, you would be correct. But she was also playful and had a wicked sense of humor." She went on to recount the tale of the infamous pasties they baked and fed to the boys one day when they were particularly bored in class.

Lawrence seemed to hit it off with her as well. They talked American football and he was impressed to hear that she had been to a couple of Super Bowl games as she was a huge New England Patriots fan due to her years in graduate school in Boston.

As the night unfolded, the four of them settled into the lounge to watch a movie after Flora was tucked away in her crib for the night. Part way into the movie, Caroline found herself watching Nicola instead of the flick. She marveled at how right it seemed to have her in the house. She had been nervous about having her in Kate's space but found it comfortable instead of awkward. After a bit of waiting for Caroline to turn her focus back to the movie but didn't, Nicola made eye contact and whispered, "Are you all right?" Caroline took her hand in hers, nodded her head and leaned in for a surreptitious kiss. "Everything is more than all right."

Just before midnight they all headed upstairs. As they were saying goodnight, she learned that Lawrence and Greg planned to head out early to attend a Comic Con while the ladies would be spending the day with Flora. Caroline was no longer left to wonder how Greg persuaded Lawrence to clean his room and be on his best behaviour.

As they entered Caroline's bedroom, Nicola felt some butterflies in her stomach. She was amazed at how relaxed Caroline seemed all night and figured this was the make or break time.

Caroline seemed unaffected. As soon as they were in the center of the room, she wrapped Nicola in a bear hug and started a long, deep kiss. As they came up for air, she said, "I've wanted to do that all night."

"You'll hear no complaints from me if indeed you do that all night," Nicola teased. Caroline released her and moved to the dresser. She opened an empty drawer and suggested that Nicola use it so she wouldn't be living out of her weekender bag.

The next kiss they shared was when they met in the center of the bed a few minutes later. The rain was starting to fall again and they could hear the drops pelting against the window.

"What is it about the sound of rain when I'm with you that makes me go all weak in the knees?" Caroline reminisced. There was something about the rain that she found more relaxing than any playlist she could think of at the moment.

"I know what you mean," she responded. "A little bit of rain and all my hesitancy seems to just get washed away." She pulled back to see if Caroline caught her double meaning. It was her way of gauging how she was coping with her being on what she assumed was Kate's side of the bed.

Caroline rolled away from her to turn out the light on the nightstand, making the room dark. As she rolled back, she let out a soft sigh as she was suddenly filled with a sense of belonging. "I was afraid I'd tense up but there's no hesitancy on my end tonight. In fact, I'm all in."


	39. Breakfast with Flora

Early Saturday morning Caroline heard Lawrence and Greg stirring in the kitchen. She could tell by the monitor that Flora was still asleep as was Nicola who had to be exhausted from their late night activities. Caroline quietly slipped out of bed to go downstairs to give Lawrence some spending money and to confirm when they would be home.

After they left, she decided to make a pot of tea to take back upstairs to Nicola. As Caroline passed Flora's bedroom door, she heard her beginning to stir so she went in to rescue her from her crib. She set the tea tray down on the dresser and peered over the rail of the crib at her beautiful daughter. "Good morning, my little love. Are you ready for a big day with just the girls?"

She rubbed her tummy for a moment or two and then lifted her up to give her a proper cuddle. "How about I change your diaper and then we go snuggle with Nicola for a bit and talk about what we are going to do with ourselves today?" Flora smiled at her mum as if she understood every word.

As Caroline changed her nappy and brushed her hair a little, she continued to talk to Flora. "I know we're going to have a fun day today because Nicola is here and so are you. I'm so lucky to have my two best girls with me. What should we do today? Would you like to go to the park and feed the geese? Or would you prefer to go shopping at the farmer's market? How about going for a girls' lunch somewhere fun? Maybe we could try that new place by the park. Since you aren't giving me your preference then let's see what Nicola wants to do. She's very special to me and I want you to be great pals." Flora just cooed in response and didn't remind Caroline that the baby monitor was on and Nicola could hear every word she was saying.

Leaving the tea tray behind, Caroline took Flora into the master bedroom where she found Nicola, sitting up, grinning from ear to ear. "Good morning Nicola. Look who I found awake and ready for a cuddle." Caroline handed Flora to Nicola and then turned to retrieve the tea tray. Nicola was a little confused about where and why she disappeared to so quickly until she saw the tray entering the room in front of Caroline.

"Good morning. What a lovely way to wake; a soft baby to cuddle and tea in bed. The only thing I'm missing is you so please tell me you're going to climb back in." Nicola shifted a little and bent her knees so she could lay Flora on her legs and look at her eye to eye while moving her hands together and apart in hers. Flora giggled at the movement, as well as at the funny faces and sounds Nicola was making. Caroline laughed at the sight herself as she poured their tea.

"You're a natural. Looks like she is very comfortable with you already."

"What's not to like?"

"What's not to like indeed," Caroline said as she set Nicola's tea down on the nightstand. As she did, she spotted the monitor on it and gave Nicola an embarrassed glance.

"I think I'm up for all of the above. A walk to the park to feed the geese, lunch nearby and then a browse through the Farmers' market sounds perfect," she said with a smirk as she took a sip of her tea. "And by the way, you two are my favorite two ladies as well."

Caroline leaned in for a kiss. At some point Flora decided that she needed their attention and she started to wiggle. "Looks like it's time to feed Flora. I know what she wants but what can I get you? I have just about anything you can name."

"How about some bacon and eggs then? I think I worked up quite the appetite last night and some protein would be good if we're going to go for a longish walk this morning."

Caroline flashed her a Cheshire cat grin. "Sounds great. How about if you give Flora her bottle while I cook?"

"I thought you'd never ask. I can't remember the last time I gave a baby a bottle but I just remember loving the closeness of it all."

They made their way to the kitchen and seemed to be in sync as they moved about and settled into their assigned rolls. Caroline couldn't help but notice the huge smile Nicola had on her face as she fed Flora.

"Did you ever want children of your own," she asked as she laid the rashers in the frying pan.

"I never really gave it any thought to be honest. I have to admit that I was so career driven that if I did want kids on some level I think I just pushed that impulse down as it would have surely derailed my advancement at work. At my executive level, there just weren't any women who were mothers unless they had stay at home husbands or nannies and those women were few and far between."

"One egg or two," Caroline interrupted.

"Just one please," she responded as she shifted Flora into a better position. "Don't get me wrong, I love kids and I might have felt differently if it had not been for Pat's kids being in my life. I was lucky really that I stepped into a ready made family and I guess I was selfish that it let me have my cake and eat it too so to speak." Nicola smiled down at Flora and then reached for the bibb to wipe her lower lip. "But you, my little petal, you are just so adorable. Maybe if Pat's kids were this precious I might have wanted one to two more. When we got together they put me through my paces as they resented me at first and really made me work for my relationship with them. I think a lot of that had to do with their father's reaction to it all. But it was all worth it as we became very close over the years."

"I don't think you've ever told me much about them. What are their names?"

"The oldest is Peter. He's working on Wall Street. The youngest is Benjamin. He is in his senior year of college at UConn. They are both bright kids who never sat still. They both played ice hockey and there were endless practices and games. Pat handled the bulk of that running because of my work schedule. Looking back, I regret not taking a bigger role in it all but fortunately the boys still keep in touch. How about you? Did you and John want more kids?"

Caroline was just trying to decide how to cook the eggs. "Scrambled in butter, poached or fried in a little of the bacon grease? What's your pleasure?"

"You. Always you. But if you're talking about the eggs, fried sounds great for a change."

"John wanted more kids but I was content with having just our two sons. At some point I think I was just ready to be done with diapers and all that and it was at about that time my career started to really take off. But as much as I didn't think I'd ever want to cope with the baby phase again, I have to admit that I love every minute with Flora. Maybe it's the perspective of being a little older mum this time around. Maybe it's because she helps me keep that connection to Kate. Or maybe it's that Greg is a much better help with her than John ever was with the boys. I don't know but I can't imagine my life without her."

"She is absolutely precious Caroline and I love watching you with her. I'm seeing a whole other side to you. I'm not sure I can put it into words but I just like it."

Caroline didn't say anything in response but started to plate the bacon and eggs. She set the plate in front of Nicola and then did the same with the toast and jam. She took Flora and placed her in her bouncy seat where they could see her as they tucked into the meal.

"I'm glad you like it because we're a package deal. Actually, it means a lot to me that you want to spend time getting to know her. She doesn't always take to new people well but she seems really at ease with you and did so from the time she first met you on the plane."

"These eggs are perfect. All this and you can cook too. I'm not sure you're going to be able to get rid of me tomorrow if you keep treating me this well," she said with a wink.


	40. Saturday Dinner at Home

The ladies came home laden with bags of ingredients for dinner they picked up fresh at the farmer's market and carried straight into the kitchen.

"That was fun. I don't even know if there is a farmer's market anywhere near me in London but doesn't the food look so much more appealing when it doesn't come bagged or wrapped in plastic from the store?" She pulled the asparagus out of the carry bag and set it on the counter while Caroline took the pork tenderloin out of its bag and put it into the refrigerator.

"I say let's get the rest of this put away and then get madam here down for her nap. I think I could use a little rest when she goes down, how about you?"

"A nap does sound like a great idea but I don't want to leave the dinner prep too long. Did I tell you how excited I am to cook for you tonight? I get awfully tired of meals for one. I don't do anything special when it's just me."

"I wouldn't care if you just made me a cheese sandwich; all I care about is getting to look at you across the table," said Caroline as Nicola was passing behind her. The sentiment made her take a step back, put her hand on Caroline's hip and lean in to plant a kiss on the back of her neck.

"Mmmm. What were you saying about a nap?"

"Let me get Flora settled and I'll meet you upstairs."

As Nicola was entering the bedroom, the cell phone in her pocket rang. It was the head nurse on her father's wing calling to tell her that he had a little fall and seemed to be fine. There were no broken bones, just a small skin tear. She appreciated how they called every time something happened as it helped her measure how he was faring. She was concerned that he was falling more often than before and was starting to lose weight with no real explanation. She knew it was not the fault of anyone caring for him. It was just his starting to deteriorate a little more each month.

"Is everything okay," Caroline asked as she walked in the bedroom to find Nicola looking at her phone.

"Yes. The home called to say Dad had a fall but seems no worse for the wear. I'll swing by to check on him tomorrow on the way home. I'll take him some of those roasted nuts from the farmer's market. He should enjoy them."

Nicola set the alarm on her phone to wake her in enough time to get dinner together at a leisurely pace. They cuddled until they both fell asleep. Caroline usually had trouble dropping off unless she read a little but when she was with Nicola she never had trouble sleeping. This was a fact that was not lost on her.

Just before her alarm went off, Nicola slipped out of bed without disturbing Caroline and went downstairs to start the dinner; Lawrence and Greg returning from their outing woke her.

"How was the Comic Con," she asked as she entered the kitchen to find them with their heads in the fridge.

"It was a blast. Greg knew some of the cooler vendors and he had passes that got us behind the scenes."

"It was super packed but we had a lot of fun," replied Greg as he grabbed a banana from the counter. As the boys started to head for the stairs, Nicola warned them that Caroline and Flora were both asleep.

"I came down to start dinner," she explained. "It will be ready in about two hours."

They both promised her they were starved and would still be hungry by then. She couldn't help but smile as they disappeared from her sight. In reality, they made her recall the days Peter and Ben would tear through the kitchen after hockey practice, stopping just long enough to say hello but always leaving with a snack in hand. She missed the rhythm of having a family about her.

She set to work preparing the cinnamon scented pork tenderloin with a pomegranate sauce that was one of her signature meals when she wanted to impress. She made fresh asparagus with a vermouth butter and her favorite rice dish of basmati rice seasoned with cinnamon and cloves dotted with sultanas and some of the fresh cashews she bought at the market. She planned to serve a simple salad and some bread from the market to round out the meal.

Slowly, as the aromas from the kitchen started wafting through the house, Caroline, Lawrence and Greg entered the kitchen one by one to investigate. As the last one arrived, she announced everything was ready. Flora had been feed while Caroline sat in the kitchen watching Nicola put the finishing touches on everything. She then slipped her into the bouncy chair and helped carry plates to the table.

Throughout the meal the boys regaled them with stories about some of the characters they saw earlier in the day. Caroline reminded Lawrence that he owed a big thank you to Greg for taking him. He had wanted to go for years and despite John always promising to take him, he never did. As she looked at Lawrence's goofy grin, she realized she was awfully grateful to Greg for being so good to him. She made a mental note to thank him for that too one day.

After wolfing down two large helpings of dinner without seeming to come up for air, Lawrence asked what was for dessert. Neither Greg nor Caroline could fathom eating another bite until Nicola slipped upstairs and came down carrying a tin she had brought from home. Inside were sugar cookies she made for them from an old family recipe. She loved having an excuse to use her mum's marble rolling pin and antique cookie cutters. It brought back memories of making them with her Mum who was very patient about her covering the kitchen counters with coloured sugar as she decorated them with all the enthusiasm and reckless abandon expected of a happy young child.

As she watched them devour the cookies, raving in between bites, she thought about how fun it would be to start a tradition of making them with Flora when she was old enough. Peter and Ben were never interested in doing anything in the kitchen except eat. She scooped up Flora from her bouncy chair and planted a raspberry on her cheek as she thought about the fun that they could have together. Caroline, who took in Nicola's wistful expression, wondered what she was thinking. Feeling pampered and content, Caroline thought back to Nicola's comment at breakfast about not wanting to leave tomorrow and realized she might not want her to leave either.


	41. A Couple of Clowns Short of a Circus

As they were preparing the Sunday brunch buffet for the Buttershaw clan, Nicola asked again for some background on everyone. Although she thought she was ready to meet the family, she realized she was a bit nervous. She rarely got nervous about meeting new people.

"I suspect we'll be a clown or two short of a circus but it should be fun," said Caroline in response. "Turns out Gillian's husband, Robbie, had to cry off. He got called into work. He's a police officer and as I understand it, the detectives upstairs are working some big internet fraud investigation and wanted all hands on deck today. It's a shame as he's a really great bloke and I think Greg might have enjoyed having some extra testosterone at the table for a change. Calamity and Ellie also aren't coming as they are with Raff who just started at University."

The ladies seemed to work together in the kitchen in a synchronized dance. Caroline noted how well they seemed to anticipate what the other's moves and what she needed but Caroline kept those happy thoughts to herself. All weekend long she was making mental notes about how comfortable and natural it was to have Nicola in her house. In Kate's house. She had been very concerned that she would tense up or meltdown at some point during the weekend but it never happened. She had even gone so far as to have a code word for Gillian if she needed a rescue. But from the first moment on the driveway Friday night, she was at ease. As a result, she was also uncharacteristically relaxed about the impending meal with her mum.

Celia, to everyone's surprise, greeted Nicola with a hug. "Nikki, it's been a long time. It's so good to see you again, or is it Nicola now?"

"Mrs. Buttershaw, it's good to see you too," she said returning the hug. "You look exactly as I remember you. It's still Nick, Nikki or Nicola. I answer to just about anything."

Once everyone saw Celia interacting in such a receptive manner, they all relaxed and enjoyed the morning. The noise level in the house seemed to be set to stun as the party got underway. The wine flowed and was enjoyed by everyone but Nicola who had a long drive home a little later and wanted to keep her wits about her. It gave her the distinct advantage of being able to see everyone at his or her most relaxed.

A little after the meal was finished, the Halifax contingency decided to take their leave as Nicola needed to be heading out. They had agreed on the ride over that they would not stay too long as they wanted to give the ladies some space to say their goodbyes in private.

Back in Gillian's Land Rover, Gillian was the first to comment. "I don't know about you two but I really liked her. How come Caroline gets so lucky to find such great partners?"

"Oh, I think after John she deserved to get a break or two, don't you," countered Celia with a laugh. "You know, when I first met Nikki back in their school days, I thought the two of them reminded me of bookends as they were so similar in looks and comportment. Seems to me they are even more like a matched set now."

"I thought Nikki was lovely. I was right impressed with all she has accomplished in her work. Imagine doing all that business travel and handling all those important deals. Caroline may have met her match this time." Alan squeezed Celia's hand as they sat together in the back seat. He kept to himself how pleased he was that Celia was good to her word and was supportive of Caroline and Nikki.

"What's with Caroline only referring to her as Nicola though. She seems so laid back that Nick or Nikki really seem to suit her more. She said everyone calls her by her nickname but Caroline doesn't seem to do so," observed Gillian.

"I hadn't noticed that. Isn't that a good question. Perhaps it's just Caroline being her stodgy self. I suspect we're going to get to see a lot more of her. At least I hope so for Caroline's sake. She seems so happy."

Back in Harrogate, Nicola was carrying her bags down the stairs to stage them by the front door. "There's that black bag I love to hate," said Caroline.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I love to see it at the start of our weekends but I hate to see it at the end of them as it means we're about to part."

"Ah. I hadn't thought about it like that. Point taken. Thanks for a great time." Nicola wrapped her arms around Caroline who buried her face in her neck, taking in yet another long draw of her perfume. It was intoxicating and with each minute that passed, Caroline was dreading saying goodbye even more.

"I don't think you can go just yet," she said in an attempt to prolong the goodbye. "We've not yet made plans for our next, what do we call this anyway? Is it a date, is it a weekend, is it a tryst or is it something else?"

"Why can't it just be all of the above? Seems to me that if we need to define it then we begin to limit it and I prefer to think that there is no limit to us being together."

Caroline responded with a passionate kiss.

"Mmmm. Keep that up and I just might not leave," teased a very frustrated Nicola. "But you do have a point. We've not discussed our next time together but I've been doing a little planning and I actually have a surprise for you." She showed Caroline a picture on her phone.

"Sorry. I don't have my reading glasses on. What are those? Are they tickets to something?"

"They're concert tickets for your birthday. I thought I would treat you to a weekend at my flat. Angela and Madeline will join us for dinner and the concert if you are game."

"Does that say Melissa Etheridge? I adore her music."

"I know. So can I take it you're game to come to my place next," asked a relieved Nicola.

"You had me at 'weekend at your flat'." Caroline leaned in for a few more kisses before reluctantly helping her to the car.


	42. What's In A Name?

As Nicola was pulling onto the motorway, her mobile rang. She hit the button on the steering wheel to answer the call but before she had a chance to speak, she heard Caroline say, "I miss you already."

"This just isn't going to work, is it?" She replied without realizing the unintentional sting those words instantly caused to Caroline. As she struggled for words to ask why it wasn't working, Nicola added, "Our time together just flies by too quickly but the time we're apart seems to be moving at a glacial pace. I'm finding it harder and harder to leave you."

"Oh, you had me scared there for a minute. I thought, well you know."

"Sorry! I should have picked those words more carefully. What I should have said, plain and simple is that we're going to have to figure out some way to be together more with less time apart in between."

"So I take it that my unglamorous life hasn't scared you off then."

"Quite the contrary. I loved every minute of our weekend. I was just sitting here thinking how wonderfully real it all felt when you called. Flora is addictive, Lawrence and Greg were delightful and the Buttershaws were all so warm and welcoming. I didn't realize how much I miss being a part of a family until I was with you and yours."

"You're welcome here anytime. After you left, I looked in your drawer and was disappointed to see that you didn't leave anything behind. I hope next time you visit you make use of that drawer and leave some things so I know you'll be coming back again and again." At that minute, it took every bit of discipline Nicola had to keep from turning her car around and heading back to Conway Drive.

"I didn't realize you feel that way or I would have done," she said as she smiled at the steering wheel. But I have a question for you. Why do you never call me Nikki or Nick? I noticed it's always Nicola. I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering why."

"Oh, that's an easy one," she replied with a chuckle. Remember our potted history discussion on the flight back from New York?" Caroline paused to take a sip of her tea and hand Flora a stuffed toy she dropped.

"Yes," Nicola said with a bit of trepidation.

"Remember how you talked about Pat not Patricia?"

"Yes." This time she was growing less anxious about what the answer was going to be.

"Well, I remember being hesitant to tell you I had a wife and not a husband but when I let it slip you made sure I understood Pat was not short for Patrick."

"Well, I was also hesitant to reveal my preference as well as I wasn't sure how you would handle it."

"I know. But it hit me that if I call you Nick or Nikki to anyone who hasn't met you or doesn't know me very well, they may think it's short for Nicholas and I don't want anyone to ever make that mistake about you. As I said on Friday night, there's no hesitancy on my part."


	43. Pleasant Dreams

Nicola was about a half hour from her father's care home when she called Angela on her hands free to report the success of the birthday surprise.

"Just wanted you to know that the tickets were a hit. Thanks again for using your contacts to get such great seats. I can't wait and neither can Caroline."

"Happy to do it. We're looking forward to it too. How was the weekend?"

"Honestly, it was everything I wanted it to be. I can fill you in on the details one day this week if you are free for lunch."

"Deal. You sound tired. Can I assume you didn't get enough sleep for all the right reasons?"

"God, you have a one-track mind, don't you? Actually, I am tired but it's just from over-thinking on the drive back. I'm trying to find a solution to this long-distance thing. I can't tell you how unbearable it is to have to leave her on Sundays."

"What are you saying? You're not thinking of leaving the company and taking a job up North are you?"

"No. I don't know what I'm saying. I think she's starting to mull over selling her house and I'm not sure what that means about where she would move to when she does. I didn't push her to discuss it too deeply as I don't think she's ready for any big decisions yet but I can see this going the distance and I don't want to be relegated to the weekend division. We just live too far apart to each commute from a half-way point."

"Well, I've been thinking that maybe I can find her something at the Foundation. I think there is an opening that might be coming up if the Board approves a new initiative it has been discussing. Nothing is set in stone but as soon as I heard about the possibility, I thought of her. I can't give you any details yet but I think she would be perfect for it and I know she impressed the one Board member she met at Wimbledon. I can let you know when I get the green light to start looking for candidates for the position."

"Really? There are so many things that would need to fall into place. First, there's Lawrence who is still at school. Second, there's Flora and Greg to consider. And third, there's her mum and Alan to consider. What is it anyway?"

"I shouldn't have said even that much. Miracles can happen. Just keep it under your hat as there is no guarantee this initiative will be approved by the Board."

"I don't even know what it is so that won't be hard. Thanks, Angela. Even just the possibility of a solution is what I think I needed to hear right now."

" You sound a little brighter at least."

"How's Madeline?"

"Good. She's home starting to pack her apartment. Should we save the moving boxes for you when we're done with them?"

###

As Nicola was ending her call with Angela, Caroline was just answering a call from Celia.

"Mum. How was your ride back to the farm?"

"It was fine Love. Just called to tell you how much we all enjoyed our brunch with you and Nikki. How was your weekend together?"

"It was good. It just went by too fast."

"Alan hasn't stopped talking about all she has accomplished at work. She's really got a lot on there doesn't she? I can still picture her sitting at our kitchen table studying with you all those years ago."

"She's come a long way, hasn't she?"

"I'd say you both have. When are you seeing her next?"

"She's invited me to London for my birthday."

"Let me know if we can help with Flora then or will Greg take her to his parents' that weekend?"

"He jumped at the chance to take her to see his folks. Think I should invite them round here one of these weeks to meet them?"

"I'd be curious what they are like to have raised a man like Greg. He's definitely one of a kind. Have you told Ginika about Nikki yet?"

"Kind of. She knows I'm seeing someone but doesn't know the specifics. She asked if she could meet her sometime; I was thinking maybe at the holidays which will be her next visit."

"Well just let me know what you need from us. Sounds like it will be a full house come the holidays this year. I'm happy to see you so happy. It looks good on you. Night dear."

"Night Mum. And thanks."

###

Caroline's last call of the night was from Nicola to tell her she arrived home safely.

"How was your dad?"

"He was delighted to get the nuts. I think he had a little trouble chewing them but he made up for it with enthusiasm." She was carrying her overnight bag into her bedroom as they spoke.

"How is he recovering from his fall?"

"He didn't remember falling Caroline. I've heard dementia can often accompany Parkinson's Disease and maybe he is progressing to that point. It makes me want to introduce you to him sooner rather than later though."

"I'm sorry. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing. Just listening is enough. Has Flora gone down for the night," she asked as she balanced her phone between her shoulder and her ear so she could to unzip her bag with both hands. She wanted to get unpacked quickly so she could slip into bed without delay as the weekend and the drive left her exhausted and she had an early meeting the next day.

"Yes, just now. I think she had as much fun this weekend as I did. Why didn't you tell me you were such a good cook and so great with kids? I think you were holding out on me."

"Funny, I think I'm an open book where you are concerned. I've been thinking about our last phone call. Can I just tell you how much you blew me away with what you shared about my name? I just wish I were there to show you what that meant to me."

"Can you hold that thought until my birthday weekend?"

"Yes, but I might have to add a few more thoughts for good measure." She reached into the bag, she found a square gift wrapped box. "What's this?"

"What's what?"

"Well, I'm unpacking as we speak and I just pulled a present out of my bag. When did you put it there?"

"When you went to the loo, just before setting off. I wasn't expecting you to find it while we were talking. It's just a little something that made me think of you."

Nicola sat on the bed, put the phone on speaker and then opened the present to find a white box that said Trollbeads. Inside was a white leather bracelet with a single glass bead on it. "It's very pretty Caroline. I love it. It's the color of your eyes."

"I picked it in part because it reminded me of the color of your eyes. There's a card that explains the significance of it," she replied with an embarrassed grin no one could see. "Let's ring off so you can read it by yourself or I'll be embarrassed. No need to call me back tonight. You sound very tired from your drive so get some rest and let's talk tomorrow night."

"Thanks for the bracelet and the card. I can tell already I'm going to love what it says. Talk with you tomorrow. Pleasant dreams."

"Pleasant dreams to you too. Night."

The card was merely a piece of Caroline's monogrammed stationery but in her immaculate hand writing it said:

 _Nicola:_

 _This is a silver lining bead. If you look closely, you'll see that it's a blue sky with white clouds outlined in silver. I thought of you the minute I saw it, as you are my silver lining. I'm not always good at saying what I feel but I just wanted you to know how lucky I am that we reconnected by chance. It was at a point when I was feeling like the unluckiest woman in the world but you have changed that and I'm so glad you did. I wanted you to have something to remind you how special you are to me when we're apart. It seems like no amount of time with you is ever enough._

 _XOXO_

 _Caroline_

Nicola read the card about ten times before putting it down. She didn't realize how much she needed this reassurance that Caroline was really as open to their growing relationship as she was. She wanted to reach out to her but refrained. As she crawled into bed, wearing nothing more than her bracelet, she let her thoughts drift off to her plans for Caroline's impending birthday weekend before sleep claimed her. Caroline's birthday couldn't arrive soon enough for her. At that same moment, back in Harrogate, Caroline was thinking how her birthday weekend just couldn't arrive soon enough for her.


	44. The Birthday Girls Chat

Caroline found herself on the road heading toward Harrogate after a birthday celebration with Nicola that exceeded her expectations. She was so happy she felt she had to tell someone so she dialed Gillian.

"Caroline! Happy Birthday!"

"Happy Birthday Gillian. My birthday weekend was great. How was yours?"

"Robbie made me dinner and we had a quiet night in. All in all, it was pretty perfect. How was your blow out weekend with Nicola? Was the concert fun?" Gillian was just settling in on the settee with a cup of tea and was ready for a chat. Robbie was at work and for a change she had the living room all to herself.

"The concert was outstanding. She performed all my favorite songs, starting with Angels Will Fall and ending with Come to My Window. The amazing part was that the volume wasn't so loud that my ears rang for hours after." Caroline liked the fact that the traffic was light so she was ready to settle in for a lengthy chat as well.

"I'm jealous. Can't remember the last time I was at a concert and I love her music. How was the rest of the weekend?"

"Perfect. Friday night we went out for cocktails and ended up at some trendy bar where some of the women had little dogs in their purses. It was a bit surreal. When they weren't busy taking selfies and looking at their mobiles they were fussing over their pets. It's definitely a different bar scene than the one I remember from my single days. I don't think I've seen anything that funny in a long time."

"I can't imagine. What did you do on Saturday?"

"We lazed around her flat in the morning and then took a long walk in the park in the afternoon. Saturday night we went to dinner with Angela and Madeline before the concert and then ended up going out for drinks with them after. I can't remember the last time I was out so long on the town like that. It was a really perfect day all in all."

"What are Angela and Madeline like? If I recall, she works with Angela and Madeline is Beverly's cousin right?"

"Yup. Angela is really growing on me and I just adore Madeline as she reminds me a lot of Beverly. At times Angela was very intense. At dinner I felt like I was on a job interview. She wanted all the information on my CV. I just assume it was the HR director in her coming out but it was strange to have all that attention on me. Fortunately, Madeline brought some comic relief and that lightened up Angela too. She was really laid back after the concert at drinks. It was like I met the HR director and then I met the friend."

"It's important that you like her friends and maybe she just wanted to get to know as much about you as she could because she's so close with Nicola."

"I realized this weekend that Kate and I didn't really have any friends together; we were in our own little cocoon most of the time. I think that's why it's important to me that I get to know Nicola's friends and lucky for me I like them."

"Well we want to get to know her better too. I really liked her at brunch."

"She liked you too and is keen to meet Robbie next time."

"Just when is the next time?"

"I'm not sure. She has a lot of trips to make for work before the end of the year. How are Mum and Alan?"

"They seem good. They looked at another bungalow the other day."

"Did they? Do you think they're serious?"

"Yes. I think so. They were crunching the numbers and Dad put in a call to the tenants. I think he's serious about selling his house this time. I think they're going to put in an offer."

"Wow. I'm happy for them. That makes things a bit easier for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been thinking about selling my place and getting something smaller and easier to take care of but didn't want them to feel chucked out if I did."

"Are you serious about selling?"

"I think so. It's not the same without Kate. William won't be home much after he finishes University and Lawrence is just about to fly the coop. I don't know. Maybe I just need a change."

"Will you stay in Harrogate?"

"Don't know. I haven't really thought it all through yet. I'd like to be closer to Nicola but I'm not sure how that will work. To be honest, I love Sulgrave but it's not the same without Kate and I think I've really done everything there I set out to do. I think I need a new challenge. Everything I've read says that no big changes should be made until at least a year has passed so I'm going to take it slow and steady. Don't say anything to Mum or your dad please."

"No worries. I can keep it to myself but if you want to talk it through at anytime, I'm here for you."

"I know and I appreciate that. It's good to see you so happy with Robbie. You are happy, right?"

"Yep. Still happy. I just want to see you happy too Caroline." Gillian looked at the clock and realized Robbie was going to be home from work any minute and decided to get up and start cooking their tea as the conversation was winding down.

"I think I am happy. At least I'm working toward it. I'll let you go. Maybe lunch next weekend at the farm? Flora and I could pop over to check up with the folks. Maybe Lawrence too if he's free."

"Sounds like a plan. Have a safe drive. Bye."

"Bye. Bye bye."


	45. Sooner Rather Than Later

Caroline was in between meetings at Sulgrave when she checked her emails and found one from Ginika.

 _Caroline:_

 _Hope you had a happy birthday in London. I'd like to celebrate it with you when I come over on the 14th and was wondering if I could take you and Nicola to dinner. I'm so happy to hear that you are moving on and I'm pleased you're sharing that with me. Just to confirm, I'm taking the night flight that Friday and will get in early Saturday morning. I'll come straight to you and then I leave to come back Tuesday night. I know it's not a long visit but I need a Flora fix. Missing you both._

 _Love,_

 _Ginika_

Caroline immediately sent an email to Nicola to see if she was available and if her memory was correct, she was sure she had a business trip around that time so she held her breath as she waited for her response. She looked at her watch and realized she would be at lunch with Angela and figured she might not hear from her until after business hours.

Just as Nicola finished reading the email, Angela arrived at her office so they could head out together to their favorite salad spot. When they reached the street, Angela took a hard look at her friend, who seemed unusually subdued.

"What's up? I know that look. Something's troubling you. My guess is that it's either Marco and the Germans again or it's your dad."

"Wrong on both counts, I'm afraid."

"Don't tell me it's Caroline."

"It's not what you think. She just sent an email telling me that her mother-in-law wants to meet me and wants to take us to dinner. Suddenly, I'm a bundle of nerves and have a thousand instant concerns."

"Okay. Let's take them one by one. What's first?"

"Will we both be there for the whole weekend? Will Caroline and I be bunking in together or will I be in a guest room? What if she doesn't like me? What if she compares me to Kate and I come up short? What if I don't like her?"

"Well, by my count that's more than one question so let's just call it the top five. Start by telling me what you know and then we'll think about what you don't know."

"I know that during her trip to New York this past summer, Ginika encouraged Caroline to be open to dating again and asked her to share it with her when it happens."

As they entered the restaurant, Nicola asked, "So when did Caroline tell her about you and what did she say?"

"That I don't know exactly. I know she mentioned me to Ginika when she visited about two months ago and I was at the office that weekend preparing for my last trip to Germany." Nicola stepped up to the counter and ordered a spinach salad as Angela ordered a Caesar salad.

"What do you know about what she shared with her about you?"

"Well, she said that she told Ginika she met an old friend on the flight home. Then later she told me that she shared we met a few times and then she finally told her about our visits to see where we both live. I don't really know anything more than that other than she said Ginika was happy to hear she was dating."

"What do you know about Ginika and her love life?"

As they ate, Nicola shared all she heard from both Caroline and Greg with her. By the time she finished her answer, she realized she knew a fair bit about her. Just repeating their stories made her realize she had nothing to fear and that if Ginika wasn't supportive then she would probably not want to meet her in the first place. By the time she was back in her office, she was calm about the whole idea but she was concerned about just one main issue, which was the primary part of her response.

 _Hi there._

 _I guess I assumed I would meet her sooner or later so why not sooner? That weekend is fine but a couple of practical questions spring to mind. First, does this mean I'll be staying at the house with her or should I book into a hotel? And second, if I stay at the house will it be strange for her if we're in the same bedroom? I'm fine with any details you decide as I want this to be comfortable for you as well as for your mother-in-law._

 _XOXO,_

 _Nicola_

Caroline felt butterflies start to rise up in her stomach as she read Nicola's response. She hadn't thought about any of those issues. Well, she did, but she didn't want to admit even to herself that she had. Rather than guess at the answers, she decided to take matters into her own hands and confront those questions directly with Ginika.

 _Ginika:_

 _Flora and I can't wait to see you. It isn't necessary for you to do anything for my birthday as you spoiled me so much when I visited you that I'd rather spoil you. I checked with Nicola and she is available that weekend but are you sure you want to share any of your precious time with Flora with her as well? If so, I just need to know if you will mind her being here for the weekend too as it's really too far for her to come for just one day._

 _Love,_

 _Caroline_

Ginika's response seemed almost instantaneous.

 _My Dearest Caroline:_

 _I have to admit that my curiosity about Nicola is getting the better of me. I am so happy for you that I don't want you to think there is any ulterior motive other than to get to know someone I believe is making you happy and who I understand is now part of my granddaughter's life. From what you have told me about her, I like her already. The other thing I want you to know is that I trust your judgment. I know you well enough to know that you always think before you act._

 _I was fully expecting that she would join us for the weekend. I imagine you are now wondering about your sleeping arrangements and all I have to say about that is that I will be disappointed if you put her in a guest bedroom. Remember what I asked you when you were here was to share your joy with me. I meant it then and I mean it now._

 _Share your joy with me._

 _G_.

Caroline breathed a deep sign of relief as she finished reading her response. She decided to quickly send Nicola a response that paraphrased Ginika's to help put her mind at ease.

 _Nicola:_

 _I think it's time you met Ginika and I am glad she is comfortable enough to suggest it as well. I want you to come for the whole weekend and I want you to bunk in with me but only if you are comfortable enough to do so. I've already taken Ginika's temperature on that score and she has no problem with it so it is up to you. I am just thrilled I get to see you again sooner, rather than later._

 _XOXO,_

 _Caroline_


	46. Mutual Admiration Society

Ginika made good time leaving the airport and arriving at Caroline's. She had no trouble sleeping on the flight and was rested and ready to meet Nicola. Bernie gave her a big pep talk before she left and offered to be "on call" should she need a shoulder to cry on if seeing Caroline and Flora with someone other than Kate got too heavy for her. She assured him she would be fine and she really meant it. But she had to admit that she was relieved to have arrived at Caroline's before Nicola.

As she swept in, she scooped up Flora and clung to her for the longest time before even taking off her coat. After finally putting her down, she pulled out presents for everyone and settled in for a cuppa and a spot of lunch.

"Ginika, you really have to stop with the presents for us already. Just spoil Flora as you wish but really, it's not necessary to bring the rest of us anything," said Caroline.

"Oh my girl, you don't understand what a joy it is for me to have all of you to come visit. Let me do what makes me happy. I realized the other week, after I booked my ticket, how lonely I'd be if it weren't for you and Flora. I'm just so glad that I have you both and I've come to love your boys too. You're family. Unequivocally family. And presents are what one brings to family."

"We feel the same about you. Lawrence has already asked if he can come with me next time Flora and I come to NYC. How would you feel about that?"

"I'd love it. Actually, Bernie would enjoy meeting him as he's dying to have someone to explain cricket and rugby to him. He's a sports nut and I'm not well enough versed to explain how those sports differ from American baseball and football. He's keen to meet you too next time you come to visit."

As they were finishing their lunch, Nicola arrived.

"Ginika, it's a sincere pleasure to meet you. I've heard so many wonderful things about you from Caroline as well as from Lawrence that it's great to finally put a face to the legend," she said with true sincerity.

Ginika threw her head back as she laughed the comment off. "I assure you it's probably more myth than legend," she replied with a wink. Caroline just stood back and watched the ladies charm each other. She expected nothing less and was pleased that they were off to a good start from the word hello.

Celia and Alan were kind enough to make good on their offer to have Ginika use their little apartment and after about an hour or two of non-stop conversation, Ginika went to settle in, taking Flora with her so as not to miss a minute with her precious grandchild. Caroline and Nicola used the time to say a proper hello and settle Nicola in upstairs. Caroline sat on the bed while Nicola unpacked her small overnight bag, filling what was now known as 'her drawer'.

"So, what do you think of her?"

"She's delightful. I have to admit that I did a Google search and read a few of her articles this week. Her writing made me realize that I may have heard her lecture at a conference or two back when I was at Johnson and Johnson. I can't be sure so don't say anything."

"You really read some of her work? Color me impressed."

"No, I'm the one who is. I mean was impressed with her professional accomplishments but WOW, she's also got it together as a person, hasn't she? As soon as I shook her hand I could tell she's a real mensch. If Kate was anything like her, I honestly can't imagine…,"Nicola was suddenly at a loss for words and felt a tear or two starting to form.

Caroline came to her rescue. "I know you would have loved Kate and she would have loved you. But remember that Kate was Kate and I don't ever compare the two of you." Caroline wanted to continue but suddenly she got a little choked up too. Nicola moved to her and pulled her into a standing position so she could hug her.

"I guess what I want to say is that I'm so sorry you lost Kate. I don't think I really had a good measure of exactly how much you lost before but meeting her mother has given me more insight. But I'm pleased that you have Flora and I feel so lucky that you trust me enough to share her with me like you have. I get what a tough thing this must be for you at times and I just want you to know that. That's all really."

"That's all? You're incredible. You don't even realize that you are the special one here. The fact that you care enough about me to be willing to go outside of your comfort zone to meet Ginika, let alone having spent some time getting to know as much about her as you could in preparation, astounds me. Then, add to that the fact that when I watch you with Flora I actually believe you are thrilled to be dealing with diapers and all that she entails while looking as though you wouldn't want to be anywhere else blows me away. Most people would run screaming from all my baggage but not you. You're very wrong; I'm the lucky one in this relationship."

"There's nothing I can say to that other than I love you, Caroline," she whispered as she tenderly cupped her face with both her hands and pulled her in to seal her heartfelt pronouncement with a kiss. But before she had a chance to deepen the kiss too much, Caroline broke from the kiss and breathlessly replied, "I love you too."

###

Ginika realized, just before they set off for dinner that she hadn't seen Greg yet. Caroline explained that he was attending a retirement party for one of his favorite professors at his school and would be gone until late Sunday.

"You know, I think I underestimated him. He seems very good with her and I never thought he would stay as connected as he has. Is it as comfortable for you to have him around as you make it seem?"

"It is. How well he handles her amazes me. I don't think I would have let him near Flora had it not been for Kate's complete trust in him. He's a better father to her than most of the dads I see at my school and I also think Lawrence has benefited from having him around. I kind of dread the day he decides to move back out as that means we'll have to come to some sort of a visitation schedule but I know we'll figure it out. I can't imagine him not being part of her life."

"Caroline, I never thought I'd say this about him, but I agree with you. I'm glad Flora will have him be a part of her life and I'm proud of you for giving him a chance. I don't think I would have but I'm glad for you and Flora it has worked out."

###

Sunday afternoon, while Caroline was putting Flora down for her nap, Nicola staged her black overnight bag by the door and began to say her goodbyes. "Ginika, it was such a sincere pleasure to meet you. I hope to see more of you."

"Nicola, you took the words right out of my mouth. I can see why Caroline is so taken with you and I have to admit that I am too. Take care of my girls for me. I know it can't be easy to take on a ready made family but from what I've seen, you two seem well suited and make a good team."

"Trust me when I say that I intend to take very good care of them. I also intend to persuade Caroline to come with me to New York whenever I need to travel there for work. I figure that way she won't have to travel all that way with Flora by herself. Would you mind?"

"My child, you are welcome anytime. Just promise me you'll need to travel over for work often."

Caroline found Nicola and Ginika in a tight embrace as she came down the stairs. "Looks like the initial meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society is coming to a close," she said dryly. "I'll walk you to the car." She turned and picked up the bag and headed out of the house in front of Nicola.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you are trying to get rid of me," Nicola teased.

"Hardly. I just wanted you on my own for a few minutes to say a proper goodbye. I checked your drawer before coming back down. Thank you for leaving some things behind. When are you planning to come back?"

"I'm off to Germany again next week. I thought as soon as I get back we could connect somewhere. Give it a think and we can talk about it tonight. I'll call you when I get in to let you know I made it safely. Enjoy your time with Ginika and thanks for inviting me this weekend. She's quite a peach. I think I love her almost as much as I love you and Flora. Almost. I love you, Caroline. I plan to say that a lot."

"I don't think I'll get tired of hearing that anytime soon. I love you too."

After a long embrace and multiple kisses, Nicola finally climbed into her car. "Give Flora a kiss for me." She watched Caroline in her rear view mirror until she could no longer see her, all the while thinking how she needed to press Angela for more details about whatever was cooking at the Foundation that could be perfect for Caroline. She didn't think she could take many more Sunday goodbyes.


	47. Green Light Time

A couple of Sundays later, the Harrogate clan was invited to lunch at the farm. As they settled in at the table, Alan took Celia's hand in his and stood.

"We have an announcement to make. I'm pleased to tell you that Celia and I put an offer in on a little house and it was accepted."

Everyone offered congratulations as the same time. When the excitement settled down, Gillian posed the first question. "Was your offer contingent on your house selling?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, my tenants have agreed to buy our old house so there is a chain but since their parents have decided to help them this time, the sale will go through."

"When. When will the sale go through," asked Caroline.

"Right after the new year Love," replied Celia.

"I'm happy for you Mum. Where is the house?"

"Ah, that's the thing," Alan began. "It's near St. Mary's Hospital. We were trying to find some place between where you both live so neither of you felt we were favoring either of you. But as we were leaving my last cardiology appointment, we saw a for sale sign in front of this adorable little house and decided to look at it on a whim."

"Actually Dad, I think that's a great location. I like that it's near your doctor and the hospital."

"It makes a lot of sense. So when can we see it," asked Caroline.

"We have the keys and thought we'd go after lunch."

As they toured the house, Caroline and Celia had a few minutes alone in the kitchen.

"I'm happy for you Mum. This place looks great. But one question, do you need your money from Conway for it?"

"No love, we're fine. Some day when you decide to downsize, that money will come in handy but right now we have enough from my savings and from the sale of Alan's house."

"Well, to be honest, I've been thinking about downsizing lately."

"Really? I thought wild horses wouldn't drag you out of there. What's changed?"

"I think I have. Lawrence will be off to university soon, William rarely comes home now and if I had a smaller house to take care of then I'd have more time to enjoy Flora."

"Okay, I'll ask the obvious. Does Nicola factor into this decision at all?"

"Yes and no. I was thinking about downsizing even before I went to New York. I think I need to move where I have no memories of Kate. I miss her at school and then I miss her at home. I know I'll always miss her but I'm ready to move on and I think it would be unfair to Nicola to ask her to consider living in Kate's house. I'm not sure how or when we'll be able to live together but I think we would need a neutral place."

"Caroline, I think you need to focus on what you want and if it's a future with Nicola, you should just go for it. If you're miserable at Sulgrave, make a change. If you want Nicola, move closer to her. We'll support whatever you decide to do. Don't hold yourself back out of a belief that you need to be geographically close to us. You know we aren't going to be around forever so I don't want you sacrificing your happiness out of loyalty to us."

"Oh Mum. You never fail to amaze me lately."

###

"Guess what!" Caroline sounded a little more excited than usual.

Nicola was just about to take her dinner out of the microwave and reached for a towel to use to grab the hot bowl. "What?"

"Greg met someone last weekend." Caroline was perched on a stool at the counter and was talking in between sips of a glass of pinot.

"Okay. Why do you sound so excited?"

"Because she lives in London and he's suggesting that we bring Flora to you from time to time to give him an excuse to see her."

"Oh, that is good news. What do you know about her?"

"She was a couple of years behind him at school and works as an artist for an advertising company in London. They both kept in touch with the same professor since they graduated. He introduced them and they instantly hit it off at his retirement party."

"Good for Greg. What's the chance she'd work in London? That's awfully convenient. So when will you come for the weekend?"

"Well, he just told me about it now because she's invited him to come see her next weekend. Are you up for a visit?"

"Always."

###

Angela stopped by Nicola's office on her way back from a planning meeting with the Foundation directors.

"Hey there. How are you?"

"I'm always better on Fridays than I am on Mondays," she replied. "Caroline, Flora and Greg are coming tonight for the weekend."

"What, no Lawrence?"

"Nope. He is staying with Angus for the weekend."

"Do you think Caroline would have a little time to chat with me this weekend?"

"Is this what I think it's about?"

"Yes. It's finally green light time."

"So are you going to tell me what this is all about?"

"Yes. How about a fast lunch and I'll fill you in."


	48. Doubts

"Wow. That sounds perfect for her," Nicola said as she sat back in her seat and ran her hands through her hair, contemplating all that she had just heard.

"I know, right?" Angela looked more than just a little pleased with herself. "Of course there is no guarantee she will get the job but my money would be on her."

They sat in silence for a few minutes as each took bites of their lunch and Nicola absorbed the whole concept. Angela eventually broke the silence. "So do you think she will be interested?"

"I'd like to think so. I know I would jump at it if I were her, leaving all the practicalities aside. How should we approach her?" Nicola fidgeted with her glass of water, suddenly feeling that her relationship with Caroline could hang in the balance if she turned down the opportunity to apply.

"I've been thinking about that and I think there are three options. If you want to mention it to her, that is fine. You could do it in the context of moving your relationship to the next level or however you think it should be suggested. I certainly don't mean to put it all on you though if you think it's too soon," Angela suggested. "Or, I could have a head hunter approach her if you want both of us to be completely removed from the discussion but I think that's a little dishonest."

"I agree with you about the head hunter. With that said, I'm sure I don't want to be the one to suggest it as I don't want her to feel pressure to say 'yes' because of me. I want what she wants at the end of the day."

"Then the best idea is for me to call her and pitch the job to her, which is what I intended from the first I heard of this position." Angela put her napkin beside her plate and sat back in her seat. "Of course I will have a duty to let her know that it's not a lock. She'll have to be interviewed and vetted but her application would be confidential so there would be no impact to her position at Sulgrave if she didn't get the job."

"I think that makes the most sense. The next question is 'When?'" Nicola took a long sip on her drink and started making lines in the condensation on the glass.

"The Board has outlined a tentative schedule to hire and get everything up and running but there are no firm deadlines as the assumption is that the candidates will all come from the field of academia and may not be able to start until after the current school year or term ends. So there's time. There is no intent to advertise the new venture right away either since I have been singing her praises and the prevailing hope among more than half of the Board is that Caroline will be interested. There will be one or two hold-outs but she should have the inside track. Just don't tell her that."

"Can you wait until after this weekend to talk with her then?"

"Yes, but you have me confused. Weren't you the one pumping me for info and trying to push this as quickly as possible just the other week? Why the sudden hesitation. What are you doubting?"

"This weekend we have Greg coming along with Flora and I intend to take her to meet my dad. I think that will be enough drama for one weekend."

"What do you mean drama?"

"What if she isn't interested? Won't that just kill the mood for the weekend?" Nicola wiped her mouth with her napkin and Angela thought she noticed a little tremble in her hand as she did so.

"But what if she jumps at it? Wouldn't that just make the weekend that much sweeter," countered Nicola in a reassuring way. "I'm sorry that Pat did such a job on you that you still don't have all your confidence back yet."

"Yeah, something like that."

"Come on. I've seen the way you two look at each other. I've also seen how happy you've been. And, although I don't know her as well as you, I have seen a big change in her since we first met at Wimbledon. She's in love with you and I suspect that's something she rather enjoys."

"But I think she still is coping with her loss of Kate. It could just be too soon." Nicola was just moving her salad around on her plate as nerves started getting the better of her.

"Don't be a coward. Go for it. That's the only way to know."

"It's a lot for her to give up to move here. It's not just her house and job-her family is there too. I just don't believe the stars will align enough for this to happen. You can call her sometime next week but just let me enjoy my bubble this weekend." As the butterflies in her stomach continued to grow, she pushed her plate away and put her napkin on the table.

"If you say so. But if she's as smart as I think she is, she will jump at this opportunity because it will lead to you. It's an opportunity that I doubt she will be able to turn down for so many reasons, the least of which is you."

Nicola never heard her mobile ring while she was at lunch with Angela. She found Caroline's message when she pulled her phone out of her bag as she entered her office.

" _Hi, Nicola. Just wanted to let you know that we'll be there about four tonight. We decided to get an early start to miss some of the traffic and because I can't wait to see you. Any chance you can arrange a rain storm for tonight?_ " It was then that Nicola felt the butterflies in her stomach start to settle down and wondered how she was going to concentrate enough to actually accomplish something at her desk before leaving for the weekend.

Almost as soon as they arrived, Greg left to meet Claire for drinks, making no promises about a return time. They wished him luck and then settled in for the romantic dinner Nicola was in the middle of preparing. To Caroline's surprise, Nicola picked up a few toys for Flora and a play mat. She occupied herself while the ladies ate. After Flora was down for the night they retired as well; neither seemed to mind that there were no storm clouds on the horizon.

When Saturday morning dawned, Caroline realized that Greg had not returned to Nicola's Friday night. The ladies were all smiles at that development. "Good for him getting a night of 'nudge-nudge, wink-wink' as Harry would say," Caroline commented. She pondered what it could mean if he started a lasting relationship with Claire in London. She knew he could work anywhere so she figured he wouldn't be tethered to Harrogate or his place in Manchester.

As they left to see Nicola's dad, James, she sent him a text to tell him where a key was hidden in case he returned while they were out. The visit with Nicola's dad went well. He was having a good day and seemed to remember Caroline from the science fair she and Nicola not only entered but also won. He talked about how proud he was of them and engaged Caroline in a healthy Q and A about her life. Caroline turned the tables when she could and enjoyed hearing stories about Nicola's childhood and his life with his wife. The visit lasted much longer than Nicola had planned but no one seemed in a rush to end the charming session. Nicola couldn't remember seeing James as animated or happy, since her mum passed, as he was at that moment.

Over the last few months they were dating, Nicola shared a lot of stories about the lessons she learned from her parents and Caroline got a good measure of how happy her childhood had been from James. It also made her understand why Nicola came back to England to care for her parents. It made her think about whether she could move father away from her mum without guilt. As she watched Nicola saying goodbye to her father, she was thankful Nicola couldn't read her thoughts and didn't know she was doubting what steps she wanted to take next with her life.

"I've never seen dad be so welcoming and open with anyone like that before," noted Nicola. "You must have charmed him."

"Ha. I don't know about that but he did seem quite taken with Flora. She seems to know when to turn on the charm doesn't she?" Caroline finished strapping her into the car seat. "I love this car, Nicola. But why did you really get rid of your convertible? It was so you."

"Well, to be honest, I wanted something that would fit Flora's car seat and that I felt was safe to cart the two of you around in," she said as she buckled herself in and started the engine. She was thankful that she could admit that without having to make eye contact. Caroline reached over and put her hand on top of Nicola's, which was resting on the gear shift. Nicola turned to look at her as she did so, feeling more confident from the contact. As their fingers interlocked, Caroline leaned over and kissed her. "In case I haven't told you, I'm all in, Caroline."

"How do you do that?" Caroline said while looking as far into Nicola's steel blue eyes as she could.

"Do what?"

"Take my breath away. Take my doubts away," she said quietly.

"Tell me about your doubts, Caroline," she asked in a less than confident voice.

"They aren't doubts about you. They are doubts about me. I know I mentioned to you I've been thinking about selling my house. The more we're together, the harder I find it being apart from you. My doubts are just about whether I have the courage to risk being that happy again. The last time I did, it just didn't end as I expected and I don't think I could survive something like that again."

"I understand doubts as Pat left me with more than my fair share. But just tell me again that you're 'all in' Caroline and we'll find a way to make it work."

"I'm 'all in' Nicola."


	49. Cutting New Teeth

Nicola opened her eyes Sunday morning to find she was playing the big spoon to Caroline. She gently hugged her a little tighter and Caroline responded, "Good morning. I'm sorry about last night."

"Hmmm, there's nothing to be sorry about. I just hope you were able to get back to sleep once Flora settled back in. I wish I could have done more to help."

"Cutting teeth is hard business; poor little thing. I suspect she'll sleep in a bit this morning." Caroline shifted in the bed so she and Nicola were now embracing each other face to face.

"I imagine it threw her off a bit to be in a different house. Different sounds, smells and shadows at night. Glad she settled back down. Did you get enough rest? I don't want you driving back too tired." Nicola started playing with Caroline's hair, moving her bangs to give her a better view of her eyes and tried as hard as she could to keep from looking at her chest which was falling out of her nightie. She wasn't ready for that contact until she knew whether Greg was in the house.

"I'm fine. I always seem to sleep better with you than when I'm alone."

"Hmmm. Have I told you that this is my favorite of your nighties?"

"I think you've made that clear but why? I think some of the others are more…" Before she could finish her thought, Nicola cupped her face and kissed her, and began to slowly trail her hand down to her chest, making Caroline realize she was a bit more on display than she knew.

Caroline instantly turned red. "Oops. I had no idea. I guess that's what happens when the racerback cut is as deep as it is on this one."

"It works for me though," replied Nicola with a leering smile. "If you're not going to sleep in the altogether, this is a great alternative. Any sign of Greg? I must say, he's the perfect houseguest. He knows how to make himself scarce, doesn't he?"

"I checked last night when Flora woke but he wasn't home. I'm happy for him and frankly I'm loving that she lives so near you." Caroline replied. "How about we go make some breakfast and have a little chat before Flora wakes. I want to talk with you about something along the lines of houseguests and the holidays."

In the kitchen, Nicola began cleaning and cutting fruit for a fruit salad as Caroline made the tea and prepared some toast. As they settled in to eat, Caroline spread some marmalade on her toast. She took her first bite before diving head first into the conversation she couldn't have while in a horizontal position earlier. "So, I've been thinking about the Christmas holidays. Do you have any plans?"

Nicola speared a raspberry and gave a sly smile as she moved to feed it to Caroline, knowing raspberries were one of her favorite fruits. "No, but I was rather hoping to spend some time with you over the holidays. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I'm trying to figure out what my new normal will look like this Christmas." Caroline put her toast down and took Nicola's hand in hers. "I recognize it's going to be hard to get through the memories from last year but I think I will get by with a little help from my friends," she said as she squeezed Nicola's hands to emphasize her point.

"Oh, Caroline." Nicola didn't quite know what to say. She knew Kate and Caroline reconciled on Christmas Eve last year and she figured it was going to be a very tough holiday for Caroline to endure. She had been worried about whether they would be able to spend any of it together or if Caroline would just want to be alone. "I can offer you whatever time you want to spend with me from the 20th until the New Year. I always take that time off as things are very quiet in my department then. I've wanted to ask you about your plans but I didn't want to crowd you. I would certainly understand if you prefer to crawl into a carton of ice cream with a cheesecake and spend it alone. Just tell me what I can do to support you through the holidays." She took a bite of pineapple and then chased a blueberry around on her plate, not knowing whether she should look at Caroline.

"Well, I think I've decided to try to focus on what I have in my life rather than what I don't this holiday," she said as she refilled her teacup. After a few seconds, she continued, "It will be Mum and Alan's first anniversary on Christmas Eve and Flora's first Christmas. I want to focus on those two milestones and make it as festive as I can. If I could make some new memories with you as well I think it could be very healing for me. Would you really want to come on the 20th and stay through the New Year? What about your dad?"

"My aunt and uncle always spend Christmas with him. They come from Wales to see him so I know he will have lots of company. I can celebrate Christmas with him before and New Years with him after. You're the one I want to be with this year if you want me. You can have me as many or as few of those days as you want."

She noticed Caroline wiping away a tear and waited for her to be ready to continue on. Realizing Caroline wasn't finding her words, she added, "Caroline, you can grieve in front of me if you need to. I can handle it and believe me when I say that I understand. A counselor of mine use to say the only way out is through. That goes for emotions as well as loss."

"I'm sure I'll have my moments but knowing you understand and will be there will make it easier."

"It will be great to do a family Christmas this year. I've missed that since I moved back. Last year I took a ski trip by myself to Switzerland to avoid thinking about Pat and the kids. It didn't work. I was miserable when I wasn't on the slopes. I had been thinking about suggesting we go away somewhere but then I figured you wouldn't want to miss Flora's first Christmas. So, I'm yours for the holidays if you want me."

"Oh, I want you. I thought I made that clear earlier but maybe I didn't do a good enough job of it," she said with a wink trying to lighten the conversation.

Before Nicola could respond, Greg burst through the front door, looking rumpled and a little worse for the wear but with a big smile on his face.

"Ladies, I apologize for the disappearing act," he sheepishly began.

"We're just glad to see you. Did you have fun? We assume you and Claire hit it off," Caroline responded with a knowing smile.

"Well, I think I'm in love. Friday night we had drinks and then went back to her place and just talked and talked. Before we knew it, we realized the sun was coming up. I can't remember the last time I spent the whole night just talking with someone. And then we just talked again through to the early hours this morning. Did you ever have the feeling that you were in love at first sight? I think she's the one. Is there any tea left in the pot? I could use a cup."

"Whoa, Greg. Slow down. Do you think Claire's in love too?" Nicola asked as she pulled a cup out of the cupboard and handed it to Caroline who filled it. "Let me make a fresh pot."

"I think so. I hope so. Gosh, I feel like I'm back in college and just chatted up the cutest freshman on campus."

There was something utterly infectious about his excitement. Caroline and Nicola exchanged coy smiles and started playing footsies under the table.

"Where's Flora," Greg asked.

"She was up during the night cutting a new tooth. Do you want to go check on her? She should be getting up anytime now."

As Greg went to get Flora, the ladies enjoyed their last few minutes alone before their day got fully underway.

"So you'll come on the 20th and stay until January 1st?" Nicola realized Caroline sounded hopeful and excited at the prospect and it buoyed her confidence.

"I can't wait for our first Christmas together but no pressure, Caroline. The only thing I care about is that we'll be together and I promise to do my best to cheer you up when you need it."


	50. Lighting the Way

Shortly after Caroline, Greg and Flora set off for Harrogate, Nicola curled up on the couch under her favorite blanket. She decided to treat herself to a nap before starting in on the work in her briefcase, but when she couldn't fall asleep, she decided to call Angela.

"Hi, Nicola. I didn't expect to hear from you today. How are things?"

"Hey there. Things are great," she said with a little extra lilt to her voice. She then spent the next five minutes filling her in on their visit with her dad and the elusive Greg.

"Excellent. So are you ready for me to call her?"

"No. Here's the thing. We talked about how she is going to cope with the holidays given her history with Kate last year. I just don't think she has the bandwidth to even consider a job change on top of all that. Could we postpone it until after the holidays?" Nicola was feeling more protective of Caroline than herself at the moment.

"Absolutely. I have two goals in mind with this whole thing. First, to do my job and make sure the best person is hired, which I believe is Caroline, and second, to do it in a way that enhances your relationship with her. Those goals, by the way, are not in any particular order. I can do this when and how you wish as there is time."

"Great. I knew you'd understand. By the way, I thought of a fourth option. Depending upon how the holiday visit goes, perhaps we could talk with her together. I think I'd really like to be there to see her reaction."

Angela laughed. "I bet you were the type of kid who had to guess what was in your Christmas presents before you opened them, weren't you?"

"Oh, it was worse than that. Mum would set some presents out under the tree days before Christmas and sometimes my curiosity would get the better of me and I would open them and rewrap them when my parents weren't around."

"I would expect nothing less from you," said Angela, feeling her friend was even more of a kindred spirit than ever. "Well, if you decide you want to broach this with her without me, feel free to do that. I can just be on standby to answer any questions she has whenever you feel the time is right. I hate to do this but I've got to run. Madeline and I are due over at Jaime's shortly. See you tomorrow."

###

Caroline called Nicola as soon as she got home. "Hey there. We made it home safe and sound."

"I was just starting to worry." Nicola took her reading glasses off and rubbed her tired eyes. She'd been looking at Marco's recent report and found it more tedious than usual.

"There was an accident on the motorway which slowed things down a bit. Fortunately Greg was driving at that point so it gave me more time to think more about the holidays. Can't wait to have you to myself for that long but I am very nervous about how I will handle it. I'm glad you said you understand."

"I'll be there for you and if you need your alone time, I'll occupy myself with Flora. You just tell me what you need and I'll do it. I do have one request though. Can you wait for me to go pick out a tree with you? I've been thinking that I want to decorate it with you if you'll let me. I really missed not having a tree last year as I always love hanging the ornaments."

"I promise I won't even hang a stocking without you."

"I noticed you left your nightie in your drawer upstairs. Thank you for that."

Caroline blushed even though no one was there to see her. "I wondered how long it would take you to find it. Just so you know, I intend to clear out a whole dresser for you this time. Can't have you living out of just one drawer for that number of days."

"Have I told you lately how much I love you? For some reason it feels as though I can't say it often enough." The words rolled off Nicola's tongue in a way that it was more of a promise than a declaration. She intended to spend the holidays making sure Caroline knew exactly how deeply she loved her.

###

A couple of days before Nicola was to arrive, Caroline decided to give her bedroom a thorough cleaning and make good on her promise to clear more drawers in the dresser for her. She had been putting off going through Kate's dresser for long enough. She thought about doing it the day she packed away her lingerie but she couldn't face it then. Feeling she was finally ready to do so, Caroline waited until she was alone in the house. Greg and Flora were at story time at the library and Lawrence was with his study group.

The first jumper she pulled out instantly brought to mind when and where she last remembered seeing Kate wear it. She hugged it to her and then paused for a few minutes to steel herself for the rest of the memories she might find tucked away in the drawers. When she was finally able to return to the task at hand, she gingerly loaded everything into a plastic tub she intended to tuck into the attic when she went up to pull down the Christmas tree ornaments.

She tackled the drawers from the top down. To her surprise, as she pulled the last article of clothing out of the bottom drawer, she found a white envelope with her name on it that had been hidden underneath it. Seeing Kate's handwriting made her feel like her heart was about to stop beating. She was glad she was sitting cross-legged on the floor when she found it or she might have fainted. She held it to her nose and smelled the Burberry Weekender perfume Kate wore on their wedding day.

She wanted to rip it open instantly but at the same time wanted to let the knowledge that it existed sink in before doing so. Eventually, she moved to sit on the bed and tried to even out her breathing before opening it. Her hands trembled as she slid her index finger under the flap. Butterflies started fluttering in her stomach as she pulled out the letter from her beloved.

 _My Dearest Caroline:_

 _I'm writing this a few hours before we are to be married. You're asleep and I am awake, thanks to the baby, so I thought I should make use of this time to tell you how much I love you and how complete your love makes me feel._

 _The idea for this letter came from my best friend, Joy, who died on 9/11. Someday I will to tell you about her, but losing her without a chance to say goodbye, even all these years later, is something I still can't seem to put into words._

 _For months after she died, her husband Scott carried with him a letter she'd written him on their wedding day. It helped him find a way forward with his grief and it was a constant source of strength for him in understanding how much she wanted for him to have a full and wonderful life. Just like Joy, there are things I need to say to you, and in case I don't have a chance to say them in person, I hope this letter will help you find your way forward should the unimaginable happen to me._

 _I'm sure it seems strange to you that I'm writing you a letter about death on our wedding day. Just understand that all I am really focusing on is how much I love you and how truly overjoyed I am at the thought of spending the rest of my life with you and our daughter._

 _It was you for me, always. Even when we were apart, when I was so angry with you for letting your hesitation and your family come between us, all I wanted was for you to be happy. I had convinced myself that you couldn't change for me. Thankfully, I underestimated your stubbornness. Your continuing to fight for us, when a lesser person would have just walked away, is why we are celebrating our love today by getting married. There are no words to express how grateful I am to you and how much I love you for that. I am reminded that I am the luckiest girl in the world every time I look in your eyes and see your love reflected back at me._

 _I hope and pray that our forever will be "a mighty long time", but if it isn't, don't stop living Caroline. I watched Scott struggle with risking his heart again after Joy died and I don't want you to have that same struggle. Take a chance on love again. As my mom always says, life is for the living._

 _As for our daughter, she'll be my connection to you for the rest of your days. I believe in my heart that she really is the product of our love. Don't be afraid to spread your wings and show her how to soar. Go outside your comfort zone when necessary and don't worry about pleasing anyone but yourself and our daughter. You are the strongest person I know. Remember that when you start to second-guess yourself. Always opt for happiness._

 _Since our alarm is about to go off, and I need to pee again, I'll close with this thought: Whenever you see the sun's rays streaming down through the clouds or even just peeping through the leaves on the trees, know that I am with you, lighting your way to happiness and love._

 _Forever yours,_

 _Kate_

 _XO_


	51. Full Impact

Caroline placed the letter on the bed a bit away from her so her tears couldn't spill on it. Feeling the need to touch it again to help her believe it was real, she picked it back up and held it to her heart. Eventually she put it back down on the bed and then doubled over, continuing to cry until she felt like she had no more tears left to shed. She didn't know how long she had been in that position but when she finally tried to stand, she was stiff all over and it physically hurt to move.

Emotionally it hurt to move too. She didn't know what to feel first. She felt guilty for not finding it sooner. She felt guilty for being the reason she and Kate spent all those months apart. She felt guilty that Kate was missing out on being a mother to Flora. Finally, she felt guilty about having feelings for Nicola so soon. Thanks to the letter, she knew that Kate wouldn't want her to feel guilty about any of that, but she did.

She thought about keeping Kate's letter private but at the same time she needed to talk to someone about it to help her digest it. It just didn't seem right to call Nicola first but she already knew she would share it with her at some point over the holidays.

She wanted her Mum to know there was further proof of Kate's true love for her but suddenly she felt angry at her for being accepting of Nicola but not Kate and was afraid of what she might say in anger; she didn't want to rock any boats before the holidays. She knew if she called Gillian she would want a glass of wine while they talked but she wanted to keep her head clear while she was so emotionally all over the place.

Then it struck her; she needed to call Ginika. She looked at her watch and calculated the time difference. She thought she might be in her office so she sent a text asking if she had time for a Skype call. When they finally connected, Ginika noticed that Caroline's eyes looked very red.

"Caroline, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"Yes and no. Flora is good and we're barreling down to her first Christmas. We're sorry you can't join us this year. We'll connect over Skype on the big day so you can see her in her Christmas dress."

"That will be great but stop stalling. I can tell something is going on. What's up?"

She started to tell her about the letter but had trouble talking through her sobs. She ended up texting a photo of it to Ginika to give her time to calm back down enough to talk. She watched Ginika read the letter on screen. When Ginika finally looked back up, Caroline watched her wipe her eyes and blow her nose before speaking again.

"Oh my stars, Caroline. I don't know what to say. I know she was worried about something happening during childbirth and I wonder if that was part of the reason she wrote it. What a gift." Ginika looked back down at her phone and read it again.

"I know, right? Still, I can't help but wonder how I would have reacted had I found it sooner." Caroline tipped her chin up toward the ceiling as if that position would keep her tears from spilling out of her eyes. It didn't work.

"I've been worried about how you were going to cope with Christmas Eve this year. Hopefully, between this letter and Nicola you will get through it."

"I've been worried too but I'm not sure this will make it any easier. If anything, it's another reminder of how wonderful she was and what I've lost." Caroline reached for another tissue and realized the box was empty.

"I think you just need some time to let her words settle in, Caroline. I know that you know she is giving you her blessing to be happy again and I think you are on that path. At least I hope you are. She's right, life is for the living. I've always said that."

"I just feel so guilty."

"About what? The past is the past and you can't change any of it. I had a counselor who once told me that guilt is only good if it lasts no longer than five minutes and you learn something from it. I've made it my mantra for times like these. So, what have you learned, Caroline?"

By the time their chat was over, Caroline was calmer and was feeling more centered. She decided she needed some fresh air so she pulled her coat and scarf on and headed to her Jeep to take a drive to look at the holiday lights. She loved the way the twinkling lights looked like sparkling rhinestones. As she left the house, she realized it wasn't dark enough for the lights to have full impact so she opted for a little retail therapy instead as she still had a little Christmas shopping to finish. She needed to be out of the house and away from her memories and guilt while she continued to process Kate's words.

###

Nicola arrived in Harrogate in the early afternoon of the 20th, just as Greg was about to put Flora down for her nap. He suggested she go up and unpack and then meet him in the kitchen for some tea and conversation. As she walked through the house, she noticed that, as promised, there wasn't a single decoration hung yet. She did notice several clear containers marked 'Christmas ' tucked in a corner of the living room. She smiled at how organized they looked. It was quite the contrast to how disorganized she and Pat stored their decorations. For a brief minute, she wondered if Pat still used them but didn't let her thoughts linger as she didn't miss her or any of them.

She settled onto a stool at the counter and watched Greg finish the tea. "How's she been Greg?"

"Quiet. Very quiet. I'm glad you're here as I've been worried about her." He pulled two cups out of the cupboard and started to fill them.

"Thanks," she said as she blew on her tea before taking her first sip. "Has she talked with you about what's going on?"

"I've asked her if she wanted to talk or if I could do anything but she just responds that she's fine. She's clearly not. She's been talking with Ginika quite a bit so I know it's about Kate. I'm just glad you're here to help distract her from her memories."

"Well, that's the plan. We're going to head out to buy a Christmas tree after dinner and then come back and start decking the halls. I plan to keep her as busy and as happy as I can."

As they were each finishing their second cup, Caroline arrived home, all smiles at the sight of Nicola's car in the driveway. She wanted to yell a loud hello as she entered the front door but refrained from doing so as she knew Flora would be sleeping. That allowed her to slip into the kitchen unnoticed. She paused in the doorway for a moment to watch Greg and Nicola interacting like they had been friends for years. Shortly after she made her presence known, Greg excused himself, saying he had a conference call with his partner scheduled.

Caroline leaned in for a deep kiss from Nicola as soon as he turned the corner. "You're a sight for sore eyes," she said. "There's so much I want to tell you that I didn't want to say over the phone. How about we go into my office where we won't be interrupted."

Nicola could tell there was something different about Caroline but she had no idea what. She followed her into the office, all the while wishing she knew what was going on. In her wildest imagination, she never would have guessed what Caroline shared with her. She already had an understanding how special Kate was but the letter Caroline described put her in a class all by herself.

She didn't ask to see it as she thought the letter was something that should remain solely Caroline's but she was pleased she trusted her enough to share its existence with her. She hoped it would help Caroline get through the holidays a little easier. As the impact of it started to sink in, she also hoped that it might help clear the way for Caroline to consider the bigger changes she wished would follow in the New Year.

"I don't know what to say, Caroline. It's just incredible. How do you feel about it all?"

"I know this holiday will still be bittersweet but I know I'll get through it with a little help from you. It's clear to me that Kate wouldn't want me to sit around wallowing." By the end of their conversation, Nicola noticed that Caroline seemed lighter than she could recall seeing her before. As if she was reading her thoughts, Caroline said, "What's say we go have some laughs and try to turn on the holiday cheer?"


	52. Forest for the Trees

A/N: One of my favorite cowgirls, Dolly Parton, once said that storms make trees take deeper roots. Friendships that can weather any storm produce the sweetest fruit. This chapter is the collaborative fruit of such a friendship. Thank you and Happy Christmas my friend.

###

"Mum!"

The teenage girl stepped from behind a bushy Douglas fir and hurled a snowball just as the mum in question turned. Snow splatted across the chest of her dark navy pea coat.

Caroline's jaw dropped and her eyes widened in surprise, though her expression was mild compared to the one worn by the woman with long, wavy brown-auburn hair.

Standing only a few feet away from Caroline but oblivious to her, the young girl squealed in delight. Her mum exclaimed in shock; clapped her mitten-ed hands together and burst out into a deep, full-throated laugh.

Caroline couldn't help but smile. As she did she caught the eye of the other woman, about her age and obviously also out shopping for Christmas trees with her family. She continued to laugh as her warm brown eyes held Caroline's smile, and the air was still. Then she winked. Caroline caught her breath and the moment passed, and the woman bent over to scoop up her own snowball. Her daughter squealed once again and ducked back where she'd come out. Within seconds they were off together and lost from sight, hidden in the rows of trees.

Caroline wondered if Flora would ever be so brazen as to chuck a handful of snow at her mum. She rather hoped she would, and made a mental note about commencing more snowball fights. Surely Lawrence could be recruited to assist in the endeavor.

Two arms circled her waist from behind and Caroline's stomach flip flopped. She closed her eyes and pulled the arms tighter.

"What's all this ruckus, then?" Nicola nuzzled Caroline's wooly red scarf and turned her face up in curiosity.

"A family snowball fight."

"Sounds like a great idea."

"I rather thought so myself." Caroline chuckled a final time and leaned back against her girlfriend, a word and a thought that came around more often and with greater ease every day that Nicola had spent up in Harrogate with them this December.

Kate's letter crossed her mind and Caroline stepped away and toward the tree she'd been eyeing before the snowballs had started flying.

Nicola clasped her hands at her waist. "We're here to take your mind off of things. Make new memories, remember?"

Caroline made a show of examining the merits of the tree in front of her, shaking at branches and turning it back and forth.

"I don't think your mind has gone off of the things I'm talking about."

"Maybe it hasn't. All the way." Caroline frowned, but she studied Nicola's blue eyes and felt her sadness beginning to ebb. "Of course Kate would want me to be happy. And I am. But it stirred things _up_ , I suppose." Caroline's expression made her statement seem more like a question. She searched Nicola's face to anticipate her response.

"I understand. But, well, can we try harder at you being happier?" Nicola took Caroline's elbow. "Try together?"

Caroline gave in with a smile and they kissed again. Their breath hung together in a puff before drifting away into the night. Caroline ran a finger down Nicola's forehead to the tip of her nose and rested it there.

"That helped."

"Good. Now what are you doing in the 10' section? Your living room will never hold anything larger than a 7' or 8' tree at most."

"Are you saying you know my house better than I do?" Caroline narrowed her eyes.

Nicola wasn't sure if Caroline were serious or joking. They were still new enough together that occasionally she misread her. Which was fine, because the misunderstanding usually ended with laughter and a kiss.

"No. I suppose not. I'm just saying that I'm not bad with spatial relationships myself, and by my judge your eyes are a little bigger than your living room."

"Mmmmmm." Caroline looked the tree up and down again. "I suppose you're right. But I've often dreamt of a big spruce tree with a 1,000 white lights and big red bows dominating my entire foyer all December long." She made sweeping, illustrative gestures with her arms and gloved hands.

"Have you?" Nicola's brow knit. It wasn't something she pictured Caroline dreaming about.

Caroline laughed at herself. "Actually, I _have_. But only when I make the mistake of coming to tree lots."

"Don't run down your dreams. They're good ones, I think."

Caroline turned to Nicola for another kiss, when suddenly a large tree to Nicola's left came crashing down. Nicola jump-stepped to the side, thankful for her tennis-trained thighs and reliable lateral agility.

A woman with bright red hair came rolling off of a pine with light green needles. Caroline pieced together quickly that she must have been leaning too closely to it, and the tree had toppled over; bringing her along for the ride. Then she caught a whiff of the woman's perfume in the sharp, clear night air and pieced together the rest.

"Hello Sarah. Take a tumble?" The woman struggled to her feet, and Caroline didn't move to assist her.

Nicola did. Caroline's nose wrinkled and she held Nicola at the elbow. "You don't want to do that."

Sarah Dobson caught her feet, stood, and brushed herself off.

Caroline didn't attempt to make introductions and the three stood shuffling under the bistro lights.

Nicola frowned in confusion at Caroline.

Sarah cleared her throat and managed to make solid eye contact with a neighboring blue-tipped fir. Then, to no one in particular stated, "The heel of my boot must have slipped in the snow."

Uncomfortable with the awkwardness of it all, Nicola held out a hand to the other woman. "You two seem to know each other?" Sarah ducked her head in affirmation and Caroline's eyes remained cold. "Anyway, I'm Nicola."

"Hullo Nicola. I'm Sarah Dobson." The woman barely held Nicola's gaze; which instantly became amused, then icier than Caroline's.

"Sarah Dobson... _The_ Sarah Dobson who hit on Caroline the other month?" Nicola's grip increased dramatically in pressure before she took back her hand and grasped Caroline's.

"I wasn't. I'm sure Caroline didn't get the story right." Sarah looked away and shook her head.

"I don't 'get the story right,' as you put it Sarah, because I don't tell _stories_. I relay _facts_. As they actually happened; not scenarios I _imagine_ to fit my _whims_." Caroline's pitch rose and her hostility began to fill the space among the women as they stood inside the ring of trees. Even the glow of the Christmas lights strung above them seemed to turn from warm yellow to cool white.

Sarah made a pained face.

"So Sarah, let me see if I can relay some more _recent_ facts. You were picking out a tree tonight, and overheard us? Leaned in for a better angle and lost your balance?" Caroline stepped forward, to toe with the woman. "Or was it more _sinister_? Have you been keeping _tabs_ on me?"

"No. No. That's not how it was at all." Sarah began with a stammer and finished with righteous indignation and a shake of her kinky red hair.

"Well I'm glad to hear it. Because that would be a rather _sad_ picture, wouldn't it?" Caroline crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.

Nicola had little patience and even less interest in what was brewing. "Caroline, dear, are we quite ready? I saw a balsam fir two rows over that I think would be perfect." Her voice was low as she hooked an arm through Caroline's and tugged.

"Yes, let's _do_ leave. It's gotten so much _colder_ since we first arrived." Caroline's pitch came back down to normal, though her intonation still rose and fell. A harbinger that sharper words were not far off.

Sarah fidgeted with her scarf. "I do want to say that I understand how hard it is to lose a partner, Caroline. Particularly during the holidays. The traditions, doing them alone for the first time, can be hard."

"Well then it's a good thing she's not alone, isn't it?" Nicola sensed the coming storm, but had no intention of rushing off before saying her own peace.

"The more the merrier." Sarah turned the tip of her boot in the snow, tilted her head down, and looked up at Caroline with a suggestive glance.

"Oh you are nothing but a nasty - " Caroline's index finger came up directly to Sarah's face as the tirade began, and Nicola saw her shoulders lower as she set in for a fight. She got the sense it was exactly the reaction Sarah meant to provoke. Her intrinsic dislike of conflict drove her to interrupt Caroline mid-sentence.

"Alright then. I think it's past time we leave. I want to make sure we get home in time to put Flora down. I know Celia and Alan will be ready for the break." Nicola had already decided she couldn't stand Sarah Dobson when Caroline initially relayed the story of her inappropriate advances. Now she liked her even less. But she _did_ like pleasant nights with Caroline, and right now this wasn't shaping up to be one. She was ready to make an exit.

Caroline's blue eyes agreed with a twinkle as she turned her attention back to Nicola. "You're right. Show me the one you liked." She threw a final over-the-shoulder tip-to-toe grimace at Sarah before guiding Nicola off and down the row with a hand at the small of her back. "As long as we can fit it on top of the Jeep, it's yours."

Nicola smiled wide. "If you agree to make a little hot cocoa when we get home, I say wonderful."

"Whatever my girlfriend wants, my girlfriend gets." Caroline pulled Nicola closer and they strolled away together under lights that once again cast a golden hue over the lot.


	53. Begin As You Mean to Go On

By the time the ladies returned with the tree they decided it was too late to begin decorating it, opting instead to leave it for the next day. With Lawrence's help, they secured it in the stand, gave it some water and then retired to make the promised hot chocolate which they enjoyed in front of the fire Alan had going in the fireplace.

###

"What are you doing Caroline? I woke to find you missing." Nicola glanced at the time on the microwave and realized it was only just 6:00 a.m.

"I couldn't sleep and wandered down to the kitchen to get a jump on the day. As I was making a pot of tea, I started thinking again about seeing that mother and daughter having that snowball fight last night and for some inexplicable reason it made me want to bake something for the family so I decided to make some cream scones for breakfast." She was in the process of cutting them into rounds and laying them on the baking sheet as Nicola entered the kitchen.

"Lovely. Ohhh, are those currants you've added? I can't remember the last time I had a homemade scone."

"Yup. They should be ready in about twenty minutes. Do you want to tackle the tree afterward?"

"Can't wait. So what kind of ornaments do you have?"

Caroline turned to place the scones in the oven. "It's a hodge podge really. Every year Mum gave me an ornament for Christmas so there are lots of them. Then there are the ornaments the boys made when they were little and the ornaments I have given them every year." She went to the sink to wash her hands and then started cleaning up the flour that dusted her counter.

"Excellent. I thought we could make a special ornament together which should fit right in with the collection you described. Wait here, I'll be right back," she said as she sprinted up the stairs, returning with a huge smile. "It's a kit to make impressions of Flora's hands and feet. Thought it would be a great keepsake of her first Christmas for years to come."

Caroline was dumbstruck by the thoughtfulness of Nicola's gesture. "That's just…that's just…perfect. What made you think of that?"

"I just want to help you celebrate the fact that this is her first Christmas. I thought you might like it. Perhaps we can do that while the oven is still warm from the scones if she wakes in time."

"I have something for you, too," Caroline said as she moved to embrace Nicola. "It's my turn to disappear but I'll be back in a minute."

When she returned, she handed Nicola a small gift-wrapped package. "This one is meant to be opened before Christmas."

Nicola did as she was told and found a delicate Christopher Radko hand-painted angel ornament inside. "It's beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen a prettier ornament."

"Well, I got to thinking that you needed to have an ornament on the tree as well and I have to admit that the song _Angels Will Fall_ made me think of this for you." Caroline moved to the oven as the timer went off. Seeing the scones looking perfect, she grabbed a mitt and pulled them out, transferring them instantly onto a wire rack to cool.

"Then it's also a great reminder of your birthday celebration as well." She stood to give her a kiss and took a closer look at the scones in the process. "Those look fabulous. Makes me wonder if we should bake some Christmas cookies one of these days. What do you think?"

"I haven't had time to do that for years. Sounds fun. We'll need to go shopping for ingredients if you want to do some baking. Let's make a list for later. Better put a bigger belt for me on the list too if we're going to bake as I can see my weight on the scale going up."

###

By noon, the tree was fully decorated and the stockings were hung, including three new ones this year—one for Flora and one for Greg and one for Nicola. There was no more room to hang anymore on the mantle. As Caroline looked at John's stocking sitting unwanted at the bottom of the box she sadly realized she never bought one for Kate as they only reconciled on Christmas Eve last year and there simply wasn't time. She quickly turned her attention to Flora as a distraction at that moment and realized she needed her nappy changed.

While Caroline was upstairs with Flora, Nicola picked up the stack of Christmas cards Caroline received and started attaching them to ribbons she then hung surrounding the doorway to the living room. When she came back down, she stood by the ladder and waited for Nicola to descend it. "That looks great. I've never thought to do that before. You're clearly very good at this decorating thing. I've never really had the time or patience to do this right before."

"I hope you don't mind, but I did buy a small but very important decoration to hang." She picked up a ball of mistletoe she had tucked away on the chair near the doorway. After centering it on the opening, she moved to Caroline to test it.

Celia entered the living room at that precise moment. Neither Caroline nor Nicola heard her enter. "Oops. Sorry to interrupt. I came over to see if you needed a hand with the tree but I see I'm too late. Looks like you two have had a very busy morning."

"Hi Celia. We've had a lot of fun sifting through the decorations. How does it look?" Celia considered Nikki for a brief moment and was instantly transported back to the image of her in her school uniform seeking her approval of the science project they put together at her kitchen table. She smiled at the memory before she answered.

"It looks picture perfect. I can tell you had a hand in this as Lady Muck here is always in a rush to decorate this time of year and doesn't put this much attention to the details. How about if I make us all a pot of tea and we have a chat about the timetable for the holidays? I'd love one of those scones I spied as I came through the kitchen." Caroline scooped Flora up and placed her in her high chair with some toys.

Caroline excused herself as Nicola and Celia settled in over their mugs. She needed a few minutes to collect herself as Celia's words unintentionally cut her and she didn't want anyone to see her reaction. Celia was right, she was often so busy rushing through all she had to do that she didn't take the time to just enjoy the moment and give her full attention to the people who were or who should have been front and center in her life. How many times did she push Kate away in favor of a phone call that could have waited?

Nicola realized there was no sign of her returning by the time she finished her first cup of tea. "Celia, would you pour me a refill while I go see what's keeping Caroline?"

She gently knocked on the bedroom door as she opened it and found her on the bed, with a crumpled tissue in her hand. She knelt in front of her, lifting her chin to peer into her sad eyes that were bluer than usual from her tears. "Oh my love, what can I do to help?"

"I'll be fine. I just didn't want Mum to see how her words affected me as I know she didn't mean anything hurtful by what she said. It's just that she's right, I was always torn in too many directions to take the time to enjoy what was right in front of me."

Nicola moved to sit beside her and cradled her in a comforting hug. "You have a big job and a lot of people who depend upon you for so much. That's why and how it happens. I've been guilty of the same thing in the past. But, as I see it, right now you are putting your all into being in the moment this holiday and the result will be a very memorable one for Flora, Lawrence, William, and the rest of us. As my Dad use to say, 'Begin as you mean to go on.'"

"There you go again, saying just what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I don't know how you do it." Caroline dabbed the last of her tears and flashed Nicola a weak smile.

"Why don't you go splash some water on your face and come back down. I'll go make you a spot of lunch while you feed Flora? Then, after Celia leaves, perhaps we can have a nap when Flora goes down for hers?" Caroline silently shook her head and gathered up all the tissues scattered by her on the bed. Nicola stood and held out her hands to help lift Caroline off the bed. They hugged for a minute and then Nicola said, "I'll see you downstairs."


	54. Damn Angela

Nicola worked hard to keep Caroline cheerful and in the holiday spirit as the days clicked down to Christmas Eve. By the time the big day arrived, all the presents were wrapped and nestled under the tree, there was a freshly baked assortment of biscuits, and the schedule for the festivities was all set. They were so well organized that by the morning of Christmas Eve, there weren't many details left to attend to other than making the meal for that evening's anniversary celebration and, since the guests weren't due to arrive until late afternoon, there was plenty of time to work at a relaxed pace.

Caroline had been so busy she didn't have much time to lose herself in her thoughts until she woke on Christmas Eve and found she was alone in the bed. She felt a familiar ache in her stomach as she rolled over to look at the clock on the nightstand. Without realizing it, she had slept until 7:30 am, well past her usual wake up time; Greg and Flora were set to return from his parents at noon and Lawrence had slept at Angus's so the house had been quieter than usual. In an effort to keep her thoughts of Kate at bay, she decided to jump out of bed and get a start on her day.

As she emerged from the en suite, she discovered Nicola carrying a breakfast tray into the bedroom. "Oh, you're up already? I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed. I thought maybe we should enjoy a little peace and quiet before all the Buttershaws descend this afternoon."

"Aren't you lovely? Is that the dish we had the first time we had breakfast in bed at the spa?"

"Mmm hmmm. I thought it could become our Christmas Eve tradition. If you play your cards right, I might even make sure it happens more than just on Christmas Eve morning."

Caroline felt that ache in her stomach disappear and her appetite kick in. They enjoyed a little lie in after they ate and by about 10 am they decided to get a start on the final details for dinner before the house started bursting at the seams with the extended family.

While Nicola was in showering, her phone sprang to life with a text message. Without meaning to, Caroline glanced at it and saw that it was from Angela. She called out to her that she had a text. Nicola, who was feeling soft and relaxed from their lazy start to the day, asked her to read it to her and gave her the code to open her phone.

 _Hope you're having a great vacation with Caroline. Have you told her yet? If so, let me know how she reacted. If you didn't and you want me to, just let me know when can I talk with her. Happy Christmas._

Caroline was concerned that she might have stumbled upon something she wasn't suppose to see so instead of being up front about it she put her readers in her nightstand and replied she didn't have her glasses. It was a response she instantly regretted as her imagination and curiosity began to run wild.

When Nicola stepped out of the en suite, Caroline, without making eye contact, quickly slipped passed her and into the bathroom as she didn't want to watch Nicola read the message.

As soon as she picked up her phone she knew Caroline had seen the message. She instantly went into more than a little bit of a panic and thought about how to handle the situation. After dressing, she sat on the bed with her phone in her hand, waiting for Caroline to emerge, trying to keep herself calm in the process.

"Oh, I thought you'd be downstairs already." Caroline was trying not to appear flustered but she was no less calm about the confusing text now than she was before she dashed into the bathroom.

"I was waiting for you. I thought we might need to talk about Angela's text as I'm sure you saw it and I don't want you to misunderstand."

"Okay." Caroline tried to keep her face devoid of any reaction. She didn't know if the text was about something good or something bad and had no clue the right way to respond. "Yes, I read it but it looked like it was something I wasn't meant to see so I decided to play dumb."

"You weren't meant to see it but I can explain." Nicola shifted on the bed to watch her as she walked into her closet. She tried to be patient as she waited for her to return to her line of vision with her clothes for the day in her hands.

"You don't have to explain if you don't want to. I can forget what I saw but I will admit that it has me curious." Caroline juggled the clothes while trying to keep the towel wrapped around her in place as she was feeling too vulnerable just then to be naked in front of Nicola.

"It's nothing bad Caroline. It's actually something that could be quite wonderful but I didn't want to drop it on you with all you have going on this holiday."

"Well, that sentence brings two thoughts to mind. First, I hope you don't think that I am so frail emotionally that I can't handle something, and second, if you can't share wth me what's important to you, then maybe…" she couldn't finish verbalizing that thought as she was afraid she was treading onto thin ice and the last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize the calm feeling she had before the text arrived. She knew at some point that they would hit a rough patch but she didn't want or need it to be today of all days.

"Caroline, come here. I didn't want to do this right now but I can't let this fester. Come sit with me." She held a hand out to her and felt her stomach do flip-flops as she watched Caroline trying to decide whether or not to do so. When she finally did, Nicola turned to look her in the eyes and took both hands in hers.

"Okay. Here goes. Unilever has a private foundation and Angela does all the HR work for it, " she began. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a beat before she continued on. "Angela told me about a new direction the Foundation has decided to take to encourage more girls to go into the field of science."

"That's laudable. But what does that have to do with her text and me?" Caroline released her hands to tighten the towel around her.

"The thing is…the thing is that they are looking for someone to lead the initiative and Angela thinks you are the perfect candidate." She paused to let it sink in.

"Me?"

"Yes. First, you have an Oxford doctorate in Chemistry so you have already accomplished what they hope to inspire other women to do. Second, you have paid all your dues in the field of education and understand how to reach students to ingite a love of learning in them. Third, what you have done at Sulgrave has been nothing short of amazing. Do you realize that you have more graduating girls matriculate into the sciences than any other private school your size?"

"I don't understand. How do you know all that?"

"Well, Angela is very good at her job. Before she talked to me about whether you might be interested in this position she did some research on you and your credentials."

"She researched me?"

"It's not what you think, Caroline. As I understand it, Hunter Jameson, the Chairman of the Foundation Board of Directors, was apparently very impressed by you at Wimbledon. The Foundation had just approved exploring this initiative right before it broke for the summer season. When he learned you had your doctorate he asked her to vet you as a candidate."

"So is that why our dinner on my birthday felt more like a job interview than anything else?" Caroline could feel the anger rising and her cheeks flushing despite her attempt to control her anger.

"It's not what it seems, Caroline. She and I were trying to decide when and how to talk with you about this opportunity. She's wanted to approach you for weeks but I asked her to wait until after the holidays since you have so much on your plate."

"I don't…I can't…why wait?"

"Caroline, come on. You know what this means. If you are interested, you have to go through the hiring process as there is no guarantee you will get the job, even though she and I both think you are perfect for it. But if you do get the job, that means moving to London, which of course I want more than anything, but I don't want you to do it just for me. I guess I was afraid that if you turned down the opportunity to even apply for it, that could signal that you weren't as committed to our relationship as I want you to be." Nicola felt some tears welling in her eyes and reached for a tissue, noticing Caroline didn't seem to be breathing or reacting at all to her confession of being insecure.

When Caroline didn't say anything, Nicola continued. "This has to be right for you and it's not even been a year since Kate has passed. I just didn't want to put more pressure on you or us than I thought you were ready to handle. _Damn Angela_. She accuses me of being ridiculous about wanting to know what's in my presents before I open them but she just wants this so much for both of us that she's put her foot, and sadly mine, in it. I'm sorry, this is not how or when this was meant to happen."

Caroline silently stood up and started to pace. Suddenly, she needed space from Nicola. After what felt like forever, Nicola said, "Talk to me Caroline. What's going through your head?"

"I don't know. I just don't know. _Damn Angela_."

"Let's be fair. She's scheming for us, not against us here."

"I get it. It's just that with the timing of this, I don't think I can deal with it, today of all days. I'm sure when I have time to process it all, I'll be as flattered as I'm suppose to be but I'm on system overload as it is right now as you said. Can we table this until much later tonight or maybe even tomorrow or the following night?"

Nicola shifted uncomfortably on the bed. She suddenly feared a complete rejection and this was not how she intended to spend Christmas Eve or the next couple of days. She had been expecting to walk on eggshells if Caroline started to battle her memories of last year with Kate, but didn't expect to be walking on them with their future hanging in the balance. Suddenly she needed space to think too. She stood to head toward the door.

"Yes. Let's just put it on a back burner until you are ready. There's no pressure here. Last thing I want to do is add to your stress today," she said as she tried to take a step closer to Caroline whose eyes showed all the fear of a cornered animal. "But before we do, I just want to say that I love you more than I ever loved anyone before Caroline. I hope I've shown you this week how good we are together and given you a taste of what it would be like if you did come to London."

Caroline's eyes softened as she recognized the fear in Nicola's eyes for the first time during their tense exchange. She gave her a reassuring hug and said, "I love you, too. Somehow we'll figure it all out."


	55. Nobody's Perfect

By the time the Buttershaw clan arrived from Halifax, Nicola and Caroline had the language and appearance of avoidance down pat. They had worked awkwardly in tandem on the meal with the Christmas music cranked up so that the silence between them was less noticeable. Nicola was particularly relieved to have the others in the house as she felt the need to have a buffer; the stress was killing her as she was certain she wasn't going to be able to salvage anything good with Caroline anytime soon.

They sailed through the festivities and managed to be breezy and light with everyone. Celia perceived Caroline being somewhat distant from the celebration but figured she was consumed with her memories of Kate last Christmas Eve. In reality, all Caroline was thinking about was the position at the foundation.

After the raucous and especially boozy celebration dinner, Caroline was relieved Gillian and her family had planned to stay over at 46 Conway Drive as none of them were in any condition to drive home.

As soon as everyone was tucked in for the night, in the wee hours of Christmas morning, a very tired Caroline and an equally spent Nicola silently made their way back upstairs to turn in. Caroline gently closed the bedroom door and as she turned back to face the bedroom, she found Nicola poised to look her square in the eyes for the first time since they discussed Angela's text.

"I am sorry about this morning. I could really use a hug right about now, Caroline. How about you?" She was trying to gauge how icy the bed was going to be and decided that was a better tact to take than offering to go sleep on floor in Flora's room; she was afraid Caroline would take her up on that offer.

"Honestly, I don't know what I need but I'll start with a hug." As they stepped toward each other, Caroline started to cry. Nicola silently held her until her sobs subsided. "Sorry. I don't want to cry but I've been holding that in all day." Caroline pulled away from her to reach for a tissue and then sat on the corner of the bed.

"It's okay. Talk to me. Tell me what to do."

"You're doing it. Sorry I had no words all day but it was a lot to process. I haven't really thought about much else. I decided you were right to wait to talk to me about it. Had we discussed it before I found Kate's the letter I'm not sure I would have been able to consider it."

"And now?" Nicola tried to keep the excitement out of her voice, which wasn't difficult as she was both mentally and physically exhausted.

"I think we should discuss it when we're not rushed off our feet with company. We also need to connect with Angela so I can thank her for the opportunity and get more details."

"Does that mean you're interested in it?" Nicola felt her heart skip a beat and she dared to smile for the first time in hours.

Caroline held her hand out to Nicola who had moved to stand in front of her. She took Caroline's and instantly squeezed it. "Yes. Even though there is a lot to consider, this feels like it could be the type of change I've been looking for," she replied while not breaking eye contact. "Of course the position has to be something that makes sense for me as a career move and then I have to sort out Lawrence and Greg, but I think those issues won't be insurmountable. The added bonus is that it could be a wonderful solution to our geographic challenges."

"I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear you'll even consider it." Caroline could see the relief in her steel blue eyes. Her own crinkled as she smiled as she wiped an errant tear from Nicola's cheek.

"I realized at one point today that you have been very patient about all I've had to process with Kate and Flora and everything. I also realized that you showed restraint not mentioning the Foundation job when I told you about Kate's letter. A selfish person would have tried to take advantage of that but not you."

Nicola chuckled for a bit and then replied, "I honestly thought about it but then thought better of it. What I realized today is that although I have been as patient at every turn as I could be, maybe that wasn't fair to either of us. I can't be afraid to tell you how I feel and to ask you for what I need, even if that means I'm not always as patient as I should be."

"I actually thought about that today as well. If this is going to work, we have to be able to talk about _everything_ , especially your needs." Nicola was now sitting beside her on the bed.

"Pat did such a number on my head about how I wasn't supportive enough during our relationship that I didn't want to make that same mistake with you so I guess I've been over-compensating. I know deep down that she played me into feeling guilty to deflect her own guilt for running around on me. She really was that manipulative."

Caroline responded first with a chaste kiss and then said, "I'm sorry about Pat. John did a lot of the same to me so I understand. It's just that you always seemed so focused on my needs that I'm afraid I've been inadvertently overlooking yours and I'm sorry. I thought I was doing a better job of it than I did with Kate but I guess I still need to work on it."

Before Nicola could respond that she loved her, imperfections and all, Caroline continued, "It dawned on me today that I built you up in my brain as being just perfect and suddenly, after that text, I noticed some tarnish on your halo and it spooked me. But as I had time to process it all a bit, I realized I was relieved to see that tarnish. Frankly, it's about time."

"Ha. All this time I was worried that you remembered Kate as flawless and I worried I'd never measure up," Nicola admitted.

"I hate to break it to you pal, but neither of us are perfect. How about if the only things we demand be perfect going forward are our manhattans and our martinis?" Caroline leaned in for a kiss but pulled back just before making contact. "And add our kisses."


	56. Time and Pressure

Flora woke a bit earlier than usual Christmas morning. As soon as she heard her stir, Caroline who had been lying awake lost in her thoughts, with Nicola still asleep beside her, jumped out of bed to rescue her from her crib before she could disturb the rest of the household. As she picked her up, she was struck by how much she looked like Kate. Remembering that the monitor was on in her bedroom, she refrained from saying so out loud and said a silent prayer of thanks for Kate giving her the gift of Flora.

Then she wished her a Merry Christmas and started talking to her about what was planned for the day as she carried her back to her bedroom to find Nicola waking up.

She handed her to Nicola and then crawled back under the covers. The three of them snuggled for a bit, trying to be quiet so as not to wake anyone else.

"Penny for them," Nicola eventually offered, having noticed that Caroline was quieter than usual.

Caroline merely responded by squeezing her hand.

"I can tell you're lost in thoughts of last year and that's understandable. I get it if you don't want to talk about it."

"Hmmm. Just recalling a good memory. I remember waking with Kate beside me last Christmas morning and neither of us wanting to put a foot on the floor for fear of breaking the spell that seemed to have been cast on us the night before. It was a morning that held so much promise."

"I'm glad you have good memories and I'm also glad you can share some with me."

Caroline leaned over for a chaste kiss in response. "It's been quite a year. I keep wondering if I knew last year at this time all that was going to happen what I would have done differently. I know I wouldn't have let her drive the boys that morning but …"

Nicola saw the tears start silently falling from Caroline's eyes and was at a loss for words. "Would you like me to take Flora down to give her breakfast and give you some space?"

"Would you mind? I think I'll go have a cry in the shower and then I'll be down to start on breakfast for everyone."

"I can do that. Want me to pop the strata in the oven?" Nicola was tying her robe closed while moving back to the bed where Caroline was holding Flora.

"No. Let me. It will give me something to fuss over and a buffer from having to sit and make small talk with everyone." Caroline kissed Flora on the forehead and handed her to Nicola. She smiled as she watched Nicola kiss Flora's forehead as well as she took her in her arms. While it saddened her that Kate never had a chance to do that, she realized what a blessing it was that Nicola showed no hesitancy in being affectionate to Flora.

"Got it. Want me to at least bring you some coffee or tea?"

Caroline stood and kissed her. "No. I'm good. I'll be down shortly."

###

Gillian and Calamity had joined Nicola and Flora in the kitchen by the time Caroline made her appearance.

"Happy Christmas you two. How did everyone sleep?" Nicola was relieved to see Caroline was seeming much more bright-eyed than when she left her upstairs.

"Happy Christmas right back at ya. I can't remember the last time I got to sleep past 7 am. It might have been on our honeymoon. That mattress is just firm enough for my back. Some days the farm really takes it out of me. Robbie decided to stay in bed for a bit since you said last night breakfast would be sometime after 9 am."

"I keep thinking I should replace that old mattress in the guest room so I'm glad it was all right. I think I'll take some of that coffee and then I'll get Flora dressed before I start in on the breakfast. There are just a few things to pop in the oven, challah and fruit to slice, and then rashers and bangers to fry. Breakfast should be ready when the masses descend which should be as soon everyone smells the bacon cooking." Caroline stirred her coffee then continued, "I can tell you that I don't miss the days Lawrence woke at 5 am on Christmas Day insisting we open presents right there and then. I suspect we'll be lucky to see him before 10 am today."

Nicola excused herself to go take a shower. As soon as she was out of the room Gillian suggested Caroline at least sit down to drink her coffee while the oven preheated. "Knowing you, if you don't sit down now, you won't sit down until the dishes are done later today. Come on, tell me how it's been having Nicola here for so long while she's upstairs and out of earshot."

"It's been almost seamless. We've kept busy and frankly it's been great. The house has never looked more festive this time of year and that's thanks to her." Caroline reached for the pot to top off their cups, using it as an excuse to avoid eye contact as she spoke.

"How have you been with everything? I noticed you were quieter than usual yesterday." She reached for Caroline's hand as a show of support as she spoke.

"I've kept myself so busy that I haven't allowed myself to think about last year much. I have to admit it hit me a bit this morning as I went in to get Flora. But all in all, I think it's not been as bad as I feared."

"I'm glad Caroline. I knew that day that we were peeling potatoes in my kitchen that time would help heal so much for you, as I finally saw glimpses of a smile on you then, but I remember after Eddie how the first of everything was hard. That first Christmas was awful. I had to make a nice holiday for Raff but it was really tough. I wish I had someone like Nicola to help me through it and I'm so glad for you that you do."

"Me too. Don't know how I would have done this week without her."

Caroline put the strata in the oven and then headed upstairs with Flora to get her dressed. When that mission was accomplished, they joined Nicola in the bedroom.

"I'm glad you're still up here. I wanted to give you your present while we're alone," Caroline said as she moved to her dresser and removed a small gift-wrapped package.

"Excellent. I was hoping we'd get some time on our own to do just that," said Nicola as she reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out a small box covered with snowflake paper.

"Open yours first," prompted Caroline. Nicola was delighted to find an Apple watch nestled inside.

"It's beautiful Caroline. I had been thinking about getting one. I love the color."

"I wanted you to know how much I look forward to spending time with you. It's meant to be symbolic and I hope you don't think it's too corny."

"I love it and I love you. Now it's your turn. I hope you like it."

Caroline removed the wrapping and opened the lid to reveal a diamond pendant. "It's gorgeous but it's also very extravagant. You shouldn't have."

"Ah, but I wanted to. My mum use to say that you never know how strong you are and how much you can shine until you are put under pressure and really tested just like a piece of charcoal that is pressed into a diamond. It's just meant to be a reminder that you shine like a diamond to me despite all you've been through this year. Happy Christmas my love."

"I love it and I love you, too. Happy Christmas."


	57. Sweet End to the Holiday

Caroline, Flora and Nicola tucked themselves into Caroline's office to call Ginika over Skype just after Gillian and her clan left to head back to Halifax. It was pretty snowy so they set off a little early to take advantage of the waning daylight. It had been a great visit with them but Caroline was really looking forward to putting the house back to rights.

"Merry Christmas my lovelies," Ginika began. "Flora you look adorable. I just wish I were there to hug and kiss you. Caroline, thanks for texting those photos earlier. I so wish I could have been with all of you this year."

"We missed you too," Caroline quickly replied. "How's the final edit coming on your book? Will you make the deadline?"

"Yes. I'm just sorry it made me miss Flora's first Christmas. Thanks for the presents you sent Caroline. It was thoughtful of you to include that cricket book for Bernie. He got a big kick out of it."

They proceeded to discuss Flora's first Christmas and the snowfall in New York that caused everything to come to an almost complete standstill on Christmas Eve. Eventually, to Caroline's dismay, Ginika asked Nicola to hand her a special present.

Caroline gave Nicola an uneasy look as they had already opened the presents Ginika posted so she was unsure what to expect. Nicola pulled an envelope out of her pocket and handed it to her with a gotcha smile but said nothing. Caroline used her letter opener to slice into the flap. She pulled two airline tickets out and looked up at Ginika who was smiling at her on the computer screen.

Before she had a chance to say anything, Ginika explained, "I understand Nikki is coming to New York in mid February for business and I've gotten you tickets to travel with her and bring Flora. I hate the idea of you traveling alone with Flora so when I heard she was coming we cooked up this little plan. We thought that after her meetings are over you two could slip off for a night or two on the town while I look after Flora."

"I don't know what to say. That's a very thoughtful gift but what about your teaching schedule? How will you have time for us?"

"I'm only teaching two days a week this semester because I'm hoping to start researching my next book as soon as this one is in the hands of the University Press."

As Caroline took a closer look at the tickets, she realized that they would be in New York over Valentine's. She thanked Ginika and gave Nicola a knowing smile.

"Hmmm. It never dawned on me that introducing you two could lead to your conspiring against me like this. I can see I'll have to watch out for you two in the future," she joked as she winked at Ginika. Nicola was relieved Caroline was only kidding because after the fiasco with Angela's text she realized how much Caroline hates being left out of the know and she had been more than a little nervous about how the surprise would be received.

"So what are your plans for New Years Eve? Are you and Bernie going to kick up your heels?" Caroline was growing more curious about Bernie.

"We have some friends from the University we get together with every year to have dinner and play cards as we count down to midnight. We're pretty boring but we hate to be out in the crowds that swarm the City to watch the Ball drop. There are too many drunks and not enough cabs for my taste. Bernie just calls it amateur night on the streets. How about the two of you?"

"We're going to spend the day helping Mum and Alan start packing the granny apartment for their move and then William is going to babysit his sister. We'll have an early meal out and come home to put Flora to bed so William can go meet some of his chums. Greg will be with Claire in Manchester and Lawrence has plans with Angus so with a little luck it should be a quiet night."

"I would imagine that after all your company you'll be looking forward to some peace and quiet."

"We'll ring you on New Years Day. And thanks again for the tickets. Can't wait to see you and hopefully meet Bernie. Happy Christmas Ginika."

As soon as Caroline turned off her computer, Nicola spoke. "I hope you're really okay with this surprise. If you can't get off work those days the ticket can be changed and we could go over another time."

"Nope. This is great. A couple of days with Ginika and then Valentine's with you in the City sounds just lovely." Caroline realized suddenly that she hadn't even thought about facing Valentine's without Kate and instantly warmed to the idea of a change of scenery for that night. "How about if I score us some tickets to a show?"

"Sounds great. I've already made a dinner reservation at Becco on Restaurant Row. It's right by the theatre district as I thought we should take in a show too. I've always wanted to eat there and I figured I'd better book it now or it would be booked solid."

"Ginika told me about that place this past summer. It sounds great. Maybe tomorrow we can see what shows will be playing and get tickets to a musical. I'd do it now but I think I'm too tired to see straight."

"Why don't you go cuddle Flora on the sofa in front of the fireplace and I'll bring in some tea and biscuits. I think the house is finally quiet enough you'll be able to hear the logs crackling."

"Ooo. Now there's the best offer I've had all day. Could you make it a cup of hot chocolate instead and bring me some of those fig stuffed ones? I think I'm up for something sweet to end this day."

"Your wish is my command." Nicola paused to give Caroline a slow kiss before heading to the stove. Flora let out a little yawn that caused them to break their kiss. "I think someone has had a big day. How about if I give her a bath in a bit and then we all turn in early. If you have any energy left I'm up for a sweet ending to this day if you are."

###

I'm planning to leave the ladies here with a sweet ending to the _Holiday_. Many thanks to SW for letting me borrow Caroline and the other wonderful characters she created. If Caroline and Nicola continue to talk to me in the future I may return with a new story, but if they don't, thanks for reading and for the reviews.


	58. Epilogue: Nightcap

Without opening her eyes, Caroline rolled over and hit the button to silence the alarm clock. She tugged her pillow under her chest and was about to drift back to sleep when she felt Nicola snuggle into her. Soft lips against the back of her neck woke her more fully as she let go of her pillow to clasp Nicola's right hand that was snaking around her waist. She was instantly warmed by the heat from Nicola's body pressed against the length of her back.

"Hmmm. Morning love."

Nicola first responded with more kisses to her neck. "It's good to be home. Remind me again why we need an alarm clock on a Saturday when Flora's at Greg's."

"We didn't. I think it must have been on repeat by mistake. Sorry." Caroline turned over to face Nicola. Even now, two years into living together, she still marveled at the sight of her first thing in the morning. It was something she never tired of seeing and missed when Nicola was away on business.

"It's fine. Given my jet lag, it'll probably help get me back on schedule." Caroline shifted a bit so Nicola could share her pillow. Nicola reveled in feeling Caroline's warmth lingering on the soft fabric. She closed her eyes as a contented smile covered her face. Nothing felt as good as home. And Caroline was her home.

"Do you think the travel will slow down with this promotion?" Caroline ran her fingers over Nicola's right bicep. She admired the strong, toned arms she envied. She wondered how they kept their definition when she didn't work out other than playing an occasional game of tennis.

"It should level off a bit." Caroline shifted to pull her in for a lazy kiss. "I can always send Marcus to cover the lesser important trips. But, I'm hoping that when your program at the Foundation is fully humming along you can travel with me on the longer trips. Some could prove very educational for Flora as she gets a little bigger."

Caroline smiled at the suggestion. "I think she'd love it. Given how good she is about the long flight to America, I suspect she's got Kate's travel bug. The boys were never good travelers."

"You know, as much as I love my alone time with you, I really miss her when she's with Greg. I was looking forward to seeing her when I got back last night."

Caroline looked deep into her eyes, telling her without words how much she loved Nicola's constant acceptance of Flora. She smiled a smile that started in her toes and erupted to her face as she whispered in a sexy voice, "Sorry but you're going to have to put up with just me until tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh, I think I'll survive somehow."

* * *

When they woke for the second time that morning, they started to talk about what the day held for them. "I'd give anything to not have to attend the Foundation dinner tonight. I'd rather stay in with you in front of the fireplace."

"Hmmm. I'll make it worth your while. It'll just be a few hours but we have to go for Hunter. We can use your jet lag as an excuse to leave early if you wish," Caroline said as she craned her head to check the time on the clock. "How about we use the code word 'nightcap' when one of us is ready to go?"

"Hmmm. Reminds me of our 'nightcap' at the Spa three years ago tonight."

"I wondered if you remembered what day it was. I'm not surprised as you've always been a romantic," Caroline said with an appreciative smile followed by yet another languorous kiss.

"It seemed like a dream then and still does. It's a night I'll never forget as all my school girl fantasies came true in that moment and have been ever since."

"Well, then I'm glad I've planned a little surprise for you today to celebrate."

"What have you done?"

"I booked us a couple's massage. They'll be here after lunch. I figured we could have an indulgent afternoon like we did that day. Just wish we had a hot tub but maybe we can take a long soak in the bath after they leave."

"That sounds perfect." Nicola, realizing she was hungry, sat up and contemplated heading downstairs. She hated to break the romantic spell Caroline was weaving but knew reality had to set in eventually.

"I can't believe Hunter is retiring. I'm sure it'll be a nice send off for him." She rose from the bed and headed to the en-suite.

"I remember meeting him at Wimbledon like it was yesterday. Hard to believe that that chat, in part, led to all this." Caroline called out to her through the closed door, "I suppose I should say a special thank you to him tonight."

"You two have really gotten close, haven't you?" Nicola said as she reentered the bedroom and pulled her bathrobe off the hook in her closet. She crossed to the bed and handed Caroline hers. She didn't notice Caroline starting to blush as she looked at the Spa logo on it. "He's been a confident of mine for years. When I decided to move back to England he was the friend who helped me land the position at Unilever."

"I had no idea. I knew you were friends from your university days but I didn't know he had a hand in your relocating here."

"Yep. I ran into him the other week at the dry cleaners. He was kind of wistful about you and all that he's leaving behind," she said as they made their way to the stairs. "He said how pleased he is with the new numbers from the last project review. You've really exceeded the projections of where they expected it to be at this point. He said he knew he was leaving things in good hands and that helped him finally give into his wife's pressure to retire."

"You didn't tell me that." They entered the kitchen and Nicola filled the kettle with water and plugged it in as Caroline picked up the bread to slice for toasting.

"Hmmm. There was a little more to the conversation. He asked why we haven't married yet. Actually, his exact words were, 'When are you going to make an honest woman of her?'" Nicola shot Caroline a sideways glance to get a measure of her reaction. Usually her resistance to conversations about marriage left Nicola unsatisfied and more than a little frustrated. As far as she was concerned, it was the only sticky point in their relationship.

"And what did you say?" There was a lilt in her voice that surprised her because usually Caroline's speech became staccato-like and defensive the instant she brought up the subject.

"I joked with him that you hadn't asked me yet. Boy was that a mistake. I had to listen to a diatribe from him about how I should propose. I hadn't the heart to tell him that I have tried, several times over. Funny thing is that he knew Pat and never pushed me about my relationship with her. He's clearly smitten with you." Caroline's expression was inscrutable so Nicola innocently smiled at her.

"I'm sorry he you put in that position," Caroline responded. Nicola noticed Caroline suddenly looked contrite as she spoke.

"It's fine. I understand your fears. I really do. I guess I just worry that our not getting married means something," responded Nicola as she sliced into an avocado.

Caroline's instant response was a giggle. "Now that sounds like a line from Sex and the City. I hate to break it to you but you're not Carrie Bradshaw and I'm not Big," she said waving a hand in the air as though she was dismissing the joke. "Or vice versa." Caroline gave Nicola a soft peck on the cheek as she passed behind her on the way to pull some silverware out of the drawer.

Nicola was now thoroughly confused. Caroline was not her usual self-defensive self during this brief exchange. She wanted to press her luck and discuss it further but before she had a chance, the kettle whistled and Caroline changed the subject.

What Nicola didn't know was that Caroline had been thinking a lot about marriage lately, something she vowed never to do again after Kate died. When Nicola showed up unexpectedly, she had to make the decision to start living again or remain in her safe cocoon. Although she wished the timing had been different, she took the leap of faith and risked her heart. But from the beginning of their relationship, marriage was a no-go for her and she said so emphatically every time Nicola broached the subject.

As Caroline wiped down the counter after their light meal, Nicola showed the masseuses into the family room where they set up their equipment. After her long business trip, Nicola intended to enjoy every second of the massage. It was a welcome surprise; she'd never had a couple's massage before and was looking forward to the experience.

Despite the efforts of Anna working on her shoulders, Caroline was a bundle of nerves. She planned to propose to Nicola at some point before the night was over but was not sure when or even how. She wanted to take her back to the Spa and do it there but they couldn't miss Hunter's party. She looked at her discarded robe on the chair next to her massage table and a sly smile crossed her face. She couldn't believe Nicola brought the subject up earlier. She hoped it meant her proposal would surprise her even more.

As she tried to relax and think of what she wanted to say, she got lost in her thoughts about how Nicola made it easy to love her from the beginning. Sometimes, she made it too easy. In the months after their first fight, she realized that their growing relationship was finally feeling more real and balanced as a result of the fight. After they had been living together for a while, Caroline began to feel her doubts about marrying again fade away one by one. The last and hardest one of all was the fear of saying she had been married three times. But lately she started thinking about how three was just a number that didn't have to define her.

Caroline also reflected upon how Celia not only approved of Nicola but was supportive of Caroline's life choices, including her relocating to London. Even Celia was pressing her to marry again, telling her she wanted to know that she was settled and wouldn't be alone after she and Alan passed.

The boys were equally supportive. Lawrence was now in University and his new found freedom and geographical distance from her made him more accepting of her lifestyle.

William was living and working in London, not far from her and they maintained their close connection. He joined them regularly for family dinners and they managed the occasional lunch together which she cherished.

And then there was Flora who was thriving under the care Greg, Claire and Nicola gave her. This unexpected modern family was a far cry from the loneliness and isolation she felt caring for Flora in the early days after Kate died. Caroline couldn't imagine her life without all of them.

From the point she decided to propose to Nicola, she found her thoughts turning to her life with Kate. Although she still longed for Kate to be there raising Flora with her, she tried not to be too wistful and focused instead on how healthy her move to London and away from the constant reminders of Kate at Sulgrave and at their house had been for her. Time and Nicola had helped her heal.

As the massage progressed, she studied Nicola lying face down on the table being worked on by CJ. She couldn't help but marvel at how her first real school girl crush had become her deep love. She felt her nerves settle as her confidence in her decision to propose grew stronger with every passing minute.

* * *

By the time they had to prepare to leave for Hunter's party, Caroline was again a bundle of nerves. She moved to the closet and pulled out her favorite black suede pumps and sat on the bed to put them on. She had dressed quicker than Nicola, in an effort to keep her butterflies at bay. Nicola was just taking her dressing gown off and reaching for her dress when she noticed Caroline looking very serious. "You've suddenly gone very quiet. Is everything alright?"

"Hmmm. I'm just thinking about how I wish this dinner were next weekend instead. I so wanted to take you back to the Spa."

"That would have been lovely but today was perfect." Nicola slipped her little black silk dress on and turned for Caroline to zip it for her. She kissed the back of her neck as she did so and watched Nicola move to the dresser to accessorize. "Maybe we can go back next year at this time."

"Sounds like a plan," Caroline responded as she joined her by the dresser to put on some of her signature fragrance. Caroline tightened her earrings and looked in the mirror to adjust her dress one last time.

Nicola followed suit and picked up her favorite bottle of perfume from the dresser to spritz herself as well. As she retrieved her clutch she turned around to give Caroline the full view of her ensemble. "How do I look?"

"You look stunning. But there's something missing," Caroline said dryly as Nicola's smile turned into an instant frown.

Nicola looked at herself in the mirror but before she could ask what was wrong, Caroline opened her lingerie drawer and pulled out a small white jewelry box to reveal an emerald cut diamond ring. "I think you need this to complete your look."

Nicola started blushing and crying at the same time. "I figured I'd turned you down often enough so I needed to be the one to do it this time." Before she could get any more words out, Nicola threw her arms around her and said, "Yes." She kissed Caroline like she'd never kissed her before. As she came down from her high, she asked, "What changed your mind?"

"You changed my mind. After Kate died, I never wanted to fall in love that deeply again or be dependent upon someone else for my happiness. But then came you. I can't imagine my life without you and I don't want to try. How you express your love for Flora and me in all you do is more than I have any right to ask for and I just want you to know that you also make all my school girl fantasies come true. Everyday. In every way."

Before Caroline had a chance to take the ring out of the box, Nicola moved to her side of the bed and opened her nightstand drawer. She reached far back into it and pulled out a small blue box. As she walked back over to Caroline, she opened it and showed Caroline the ring she had tucked away since just before their first anniversary. She had never shown it to her because every time she broached the subject Caroline shut her down. Nicola kept it in hopes that one day she would change her mind. She had no idea that today would be her lucky day.

"Caroline, I've been wanting to give this to you for longer than I care to think about," she started before she was interrupted by a searing kiss followed by a simple "yes". After a few beats, they simultaneously put a ring on each other's ring finger, without any further words being needed or uttered.

"I do have one confession to make," Caroline eventually offered. "Hunter came into my office to have a similar chat with me a couple of days after he saw you. Before I had a chance to tell him I had already planned to propose, I had to listen to all his arguments in favor of marriage. When he finally let me speak, I merely pulled this ring out of my purse and told him I had it covered." Caroline paused to wipe a tear from Nicola's cheek. "He was almost as speechless as you look right now and told me I had to pop the question before he saw you again so he didn't ruin the surprise which is why I chose before the party rather than after."

"That sounds just like him. I know we have to, but now I really don't want to go to this dinner. How early do you think we can make our excuses," Nicola asked as they broke from a series of long, passionate kisses.

"Nightcap."


End file.
